Puck quotes from Glee

[about Beth] Oh my God, she looks like Quinn.

Shelby

And you. She has that same dopey smile.

Rory

Excuse me, I've never heard of this game of dodging balls. What are the rules?

Don't. Die.

Finn

Ugh, I'm freaking out! I have no idea what to get Rachel for Christmas!

Artie

When in doubt, go with socks!

Mike

A wok is always good!

Rory

What about soil?

Blaine

I agree with Artie about the socks.

See? This is why I don't have a high maintenance girlfriend. Or any girlfriend, for that matter.

Kurt

[putting on lotion and eavesdropping]

Will

I just got off the phone with Don Barowsky, the local station manager at Lima's PBS affiliate. Turns out that their annual broadcast of the yule log burning has been canceled.

The hell?!

Come on, guys! Why, just last week, three Fort Wayne gymnasts had to have their junk amputated!

I stopped washing down there 'cause it seemed kind of gay.

Rory

I thought that's what the hair was for: catching the dirt.

Finn

Huh, lift and scrub. Who knew it was so easy?

Will

All right, guys! Let me ask you something: where do you think you'll be in the year 2030?

Broadway! (They look at each other) Twinsies!

Artie

Walking.

In jail. Or dead. Or both.

Artie

I want to be there to see my kid's first steps.

Sugar

I want to be there to see Sex & The City Part 3.

Wow.

I'm sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I really do want to graduate high school.

Finn

I'm going to petition the Army to change my dad's dishonorable discharge status to an honorable one.

Quinn

I'm looking forward to graduating from Yale at the top of my class.

Santana

I'm looking forward to the day when my grandmother loves me again.

Brittany

I want Lord Tubbington to kick his ecstasy addiction.

Blaine

I'm looking forward to marriage equality in all fifty states.

MIke

I'm looking forward to the first time I dance at Carnegie Hall.

Tina

I just want a song.

We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.

Kurt

Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!

Santana

[scoffs] That sounds like torture.

I want actual ideas, Kurt.

Mike

Footloose marathon. Footloose, Footloose 2011.

Mercedes

What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?

It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.

Brittany

It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth. [Tina and Quinn smile and giggle.]

Rachel

[begins to cry] Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding you were going to when you got in your car crash. And you were answering my text message and now we're all sitting here, we're talking about this day that's suppose to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives. And we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair. [shakes her head] It's not right. It's not right and it shouldn't be like this.

Quinn

Well, maybe not, but this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause by the way, doesn't define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not going to dwell on this and neither should any of you. Okay? [to Rachel] Come here.

Merry Hanukkah, dude.

Jake

Right back at you, bro.

He forgave us for what we did, right?

Quinn

A long time ago.

Quinn

I'm the president of the celibacy club. I took a vow.

So did Santana and Brittany. And I did them.

Will

Thank you for coming to the first annual New Directions' Regionals nominations party.

Artie

What's the point, Mr. Schue? Coach Sylvester's one of the judges. She's going to crush us.

Will

Artie, you don't know that.

Santana

Yes, we do, she told us at Cheerios practice.

Brittany

Yeah, she said, "I'm going to crush Glee Club".

A whole freaking year. All that hard work for nothing.

Tina

[Crying] I'm sorry. I just really love you guys. You know how many Facebook friends I had before I joined Glee Club? Two. My parents. Rachel was right. Being a part of something special-it made me special. I just can't believe it's going to be over in a week.

Finn

Wait, who says it's going to be over?

Mercedes

Please. You think Puck and Santana are going to even acknowledge my existence once we're not in Glee Club together anymore?

She has a point.

Rachel

Mr. Schuester? Do you think instead of nominating songs, we can just...all go around the room and talk about things we loved about Glee Club this year? [has tears going down her face]

Rachel

[to Will] So, we have something we need to say to you.

In the beginning of this year I was just another football player.

Tina

I had a stutter.

Mercedes

I was a closeted diva.

Quinn

I used to be captain of the Cheerios.

Mike

I was afraid to dance outside my room.

Santana

I hated everyone in this club.

Brittany

So did I.

Kurt

I wasn't honest about who I was.

I was tossing guys into dumpsters.

Artie

I had never kissed a girl before

Rachel

And I was getting slushied.

Finn

I didn't--I didn't have a father. Someone I could look up to. Model myself after. Someone who could show me what it really meant to be a man.

Rachel

We don't care what the judges say. We won. Because we had you as a teacher.

Mercedes

And Glee Club will never end, Mr. Schue, because you are Glee Club. And you're in all of us now.

Quinn

Did you love me?

Yes. Especially now.

Santana

[about anti-prom] Ok how is everyone 'welcome' when this is clearly just a party for you and the two gay winklevii twins?

Rachel

Actually Santana, we've invited most of McKinley's underclassmen.

Rachel

I wanted to invite you to our anti-prom party.

Becky

Who's going?

Rachel

Me, Kurt...

Becky

Boring, who else?

Rachel

Well, we just came up with the idea.

Becky

I'll think about it

I'm in

Artie

But what about your tradition of spiking coach Sylvester's punch bowl? I almost lost my teeth for it last time.

It's impossible. Plus it's a bummer always failing--at everything.

Santana

Can we just talk about what this really is? Rachel Berry isn't getting her way, so she's punishing the rest of us.

Rachel

Santana, that's not the case at all.

Santana

Stop acting like you're fine and start dealing with your crap. Look, you choked at your big audition. I get it. I'm sorry, but it happens. And I understand that you are pissed off at the universe, but imploding on one of the last nights that we have to spend together because, basically, your just not in the mood to dance is maybe the pettiest thing you have ever done. So have fun at your "I'm a victim" party, acting like you're not some selfish, self-centered, lame-ass wannabe diva from hell, because me, I'm going to go to my senior prom with my girlfriend and my friends.