Rory quotes from Glee

Rory

Finn, I just want you to know that no matter what, I've got you're back. Like, when that girl with the lips was saying you look like a whale, I wanted to tell her that I think you look fine.

Rory

Sir, girls smell better than ham. And when they're dancing and bouncing around, you can't help but watch them.

Rory

I love everything about America. Especially NASCAR, your half-black president, and Victoria's Secret catalogs.

Finn

Have you ever heard of the term 'trash talk'?

Rory

Is that when you discuss trash?

Santana

(To Finn) Hey Orca! (bumps into him)

Finn

Hey Santana! You look like an assless J-Lo.

Santana

(laughs)

Rory

You're skinny like all the crops failed on your family's farm.

Santana

That is the lamest thing I didn't understand a word of.

Rory

Excuse me, I've never heard of this game of dodging balls. What are the rules?

Don't. Die.

Santana

Hey Tubs! Can I talk to you for a second?

Rory

Hey, listen here. You can't make fun of Finn anymore.

Santana

Shut your potato hole, I'm here to apologize. [to Finn] Rachel's right, I haven't been fair to you. You're not fat. I should know, I slept with you. I mean, at some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many back alley liposuctions.

Rory

Whoa.

Santana

Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps The Clown. I am sorry, Finn. I mean, really, I'm sorry that the New Directions are gonna get crushed by the Troubletones. And also sorry that you have no talent. Sorry that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked, and you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up. Have fun riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of your life, although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time if I were him, because if I were her, I'd stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights. [walks away]

Finn

Hey Santana, why don't you just come out of the closet? [Santana stops walking and becomes shocked; Finn begins to approach her] You know, I think I know why you're so good at tearing everybody else down. It's because you're constantly tearing yourself down because you can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany, and she might not love you back. That must hurt, not to be able to admit to everyone how you really feel. You know what I think you are? A coward. [walks away]

Finn

Ugh, I'm freaking out! I have no idea what to get Rachel for Christmas!

Artie

When in doubt, go with socks!

Mike

A wok is always good!

Rory

What about soil?

Blaine

I agree with Artie about the socks.

See? This is why I don't have a high maintenance girlfriend. Or any girlfriend, for that matter.

Kurt

[putting on lotion and eavesdropping]

Finn

Hey guys, listen up. My friend Rory Flanagan wants to say a few.

Rory

Thanks Finn Hudson. So guys, my mommy was gonna come visit for the holidays, but planes tickets are expensive, so it's my first Christmas without any family. I'd like to cheer myself up by dedicating this song to them, and to the King.

Kurt

Jesus?

Rory

[weird look]

Blaine

[to Kurt] No.

Sam

What are you gonna do for Christmas this year?

Rory

I'm not even sure. Brittany and her family are going on a trip to see a gay Santa. Something about Santa Fe.

Sam

This whole week, I'll be your Christmas sponsor. Really show you what the holiday spirit's about in the USA.

Rory

That'd be so awesome, Sam.

Rachel

Oh my goodness! Could it be? Could it be?

Rory

[walks out ringing bell and wearing elf costume]

Itchy the Holiday Elf!

Kurt

We asked our friend Itchy to stop by and read us a light-hearted, heart-warming, upbeat Christmas tale: Frosty the Snowman.

Rory

Actually, I was going to read that, but I searched my heart, and I am going to read one from a different book. I think it's something that's going to remind people what the true spirit of Christmas really is.

Rachel

Are sure you don't wanna read Frosty? We all really wanna hear Frosty!

Sam

You guys finally came around!

Finn

Well, I guess you can thank Rory for helping us see the light.

Rory

I was just following my Christmas sponsor's lead.

Rory

These bells make me homesick.

Sam

You mean like church bells and stuff?

Rory

No. My brother Seamus gets lost all the time, So my dad made him wear a bell around his neck so we can always find him.

Sam

Smart.

Rory

Sam, I was wondering if you'd like to be my Valentine's Day sponsor as well. I mean, you did such a good job being a Christmas sponsor, I figured you'd have no problem helping me land a snog or two by February.

Sam

Deal. But you have to help me learn to perfect my Sean Connery. I'm telling you, impressions are the best way to get a chick.