“The Spanish Teacher” · Season 3, Episode 12
In this episode: Kurt Hummel (3), Santana Lopez (3), Sue Sylvester (3), Rachel Berry (2), Finn Hudson (2), Will Schuester (2), Puck (2), Mercedes Jones (1)
Now, if this is about the complaint you lodged against me with Principal Figgins, I already know.
You do, Coach?
Oh Becky, I've known ever since I tinker-tailor-soldier-spied my way into Figgins's file cabinet and read the evaluation cards. And when I saw one written in crayon, I knew it was either you or Brittany, and you're the better speller.
Look, I'm getting to the point in my life where I kind of need to be honest with myself about who I am.
And who is that?
Not you. Not Rachel.
That's the point, Finn. There are plenty of us, trust me. The one thing that Glee Clubs and theater programs don't have is the hot straight football player who can sing and sort of dance. You're unique, Finn. And I can't see this proposal thing as anything else but you giving up on yourself.
Come on, guys! Why, just last week, three Fort Wayne gymnasts had to have their junk amputated!
I stopped washing down there 'cause it seemed kind of gay.
I thought that's what the hair was for: catching the dirt.
Huh, lift and scrub. Who knew it was so easy?
(Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes are watching Twilight)
How is the girl with no ass supposed to choose between the juiced-up wolf and the depressed vampire? She is into both of them.
Oh come on Mercedes, she just knows.
What if they both make her feel amazing in differents ways?
No, you don't get to choose when it comes to true love. True love chooses you. And you better be certain when it comes to marriage, because marriage is a promise and it lasts forever.
Ladies, I appreciate you spending time with me while Blaine recovers, but why are you being so weird and serious? Our periods don't come until the end of the month.
A baby? With whose vagina?
You're messing with adult things here, Santana. This is my job. This is my life.
And this is my education, and it's not a joke to me, although it seems to be one to you.
What are you talking about? They all loved my performance.
Because they don't know any better. It's your fault. You're their teacher. You went from "La Cucaracha" to a bullfighting mariachi. Why don't you just dress up as the Taco Bell chihuahua and bark the theme to Dora the Explorer? You don't even know enough to be embarassed about these stereotypes that you're perpetuating.
That's not fair!
Isn't it? What did you want to be when you grew up? Why did you become a spanish teacher, Mr. Shue?
Because... it was the only teaching position open at the time.
I want to remind you of something an amazing teacher once taught me: without passion, you can't succeed.
Who taught you that?
You did. And you do. When you teach Glee.
As you may have heard, our history teacher, Mrs. Hagberg, has been forced into retirement due to some memory problems.
Flashback to Mrs. Hagberg teaching a class
And that's how Germany won the Second World War.
All right, guys! Let me ask you something: where do you think you'll be in the year 2030?
Broadway! (They look at each other) Twinsies!
Walking.
In jail. Or dead. Or both.
Mercedes Jones: Sam just tweeted that I smell good.
Sam Evans: I won't stop 'til it's trending.
You know, Roz, the English language lacks the requisite words to express just how much I dislike you. And I'm onto you. Yeah, I've seen All About Eve. I know what you're planning. You're waiting for me to take maternity leave, and then you're going to swoop in and try to steal my job.
Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Wait. Oh, my God. Hold up. Maternity leave?! Are you pulling my leg?!
No, I am not. I am getting pregnant, and then I am having a baby.
With whose vagina!? Sue, you can't have no baby. You are old as a hill. You ain't gonna give birth to no child. You gonna give birth to a grandchild. You gonna get in them stirrups, and you gonna push and push, and a full-grown adult gonna pop out with a briefcase and a job talking on a cell phone.
Hold it right there, Sandbags. You and I need to have a serious chat. Now I realize when I chose Becky as co-captain for the Cheerios! it might have rubbed you the wrong way.
Wanky.
And I've often admired the craven heartlessness of your pointless, vindictive back-stabbing. Kind of takes me back to the old salad days. But you crossed the Maginot Line when you started messing with Sue Sylvester's family.
What are you talking about? What family?
You lodged a complaint about my teaching tactics with Principal Figgins, possibly derailing my bid for tenure just when I'm trying to have a baby!
A baby? With whose vagina?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
