Richard Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Richard

Well, I have something for you.

Lorelai

Is it a hat?

Richard

No.

Lorelai

Is it a purse?

Richard

No.

Lorelai

Horse?

Richard

Lorelai.

Lorelai

George Foreman Grill?

Lorelai

Seventy-five thousand dollars. Seventy-five thousand dollars. Oh my God, that’s like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.

Richard

What are Jimmy Choos?

Lorelai

Shoes.

Richard

150 pairs, that’s it?

Lorelai

Dad, they’re Jimmy Choos.

Richard

For seventy-five thousand dollars, you should be able to buy at least three or four hundred pairs of shoes.

Lorelai

Not Jimmy Choos.

Richard

But that’s ridiculous. You are not going to spend seventy-five thousand dollars on Jimmy Choos when you could buy four hundred pairs of less prestigious but I’m sure equally stylish shoes. You will shop around first. Is that clear?

Lorelai

Yes, sir.

Rory

More broccoli, Grandpa?

Richard

Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.

Lorelai

Staves off my appetite.

Emily

You really should eat more green things, Lorelai.

Lorelai

I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight.

Rory

Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em.

Lorelai

Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables.

Richard

I like that boy.

Lorelai

Prove it. Drop your pants!

Rory

So who else is joining us?

Emily

No one. We brought one of Richard's coats to hang over the chair.

Richard

We're saying it's Marjorie's husband.

Emily

He's making the rounds and at about eight he'll get sick and have to leave.

Richard

Does everybody understand the story?

Lorelai

I think so. But then we'll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant, then Jason can pretend to be the doctor, then Rory can dig a tunnel, and --

Emily

I might have known you'd turn this into something ridiculous, Lorelai.

Rory

Yeah, I wanna be the doctor.

Emily

[provoking grin] I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.

Richard

Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.

Emily

Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.

Richard

Well, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.

Logan

The...?

Richard

I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.

Logan

Wha...?

Richard

Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions. Well, you know in this place, news travels fast.

Logan

Yeah, look...

Richard

I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.

Logan

No, I know, I...

Richard

However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.

Logan

My father?

Richard

We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.

Logan

Okay, I think that there's been...

Richard

Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony. Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.

Logan

But...

Richard

She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan... welcome to the family, son.

Richard

I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.

Rory

You're the best, Grandpa!

Richard

All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?

Rory

Not anymore than usual. However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.

Richard

Ah, I do love this place.

Richard

  Hello?

Emily

  There's a dog on the patio!

Richard

  What?  Emily?

Emily

  Of course it's Emily!

Richard

  I'm sorry.  You sound agitated.

Emily

  Did you get a dog?

Richard

  Certainly not!

Emily

  Well, there's a dog on the patio.

Richard

  Well, where are you?

Emily

  Inside!  Richard, do something!

Richard

  I can't see it from here.

Emily

  Well, he’s here nonetheless, and he’s looking at me!  Richard, the dog is looking at me!

Richard

  Hold on.

Emily

  I’m holding, but what are we going to—Richard?  [to the dog]  Shoo!  Shoo!  [Richard is out on the patio; they continue talking on the phone.]  Now do you believe me?

Richard

  Well, I wasn't doubting you, Emily; I just couldn't see it.

Richard

  Oh, you made it sound like it was a rabid beast, so I came prepared.

Emily

  Don't get too close.

Richard

  I don't see any froth on his mouth.

Emily

  Well, that's something.

Richard

  I see a collar but no tags.  That isn't very smart.

Emily

  You're getting too close.

Richard

  Well, what should I do?  It's freezing out here.  We can't let it roam around.

Emily

  Well it can't come into the house.

Richard

  Why someone would fail to put a tag on a dog—

Emily

  Take it to the pool house.

Richard

  What?  Why?

Emily

  Well, that's why we have it.

Richard

  We have a pool house for stray dogs?  Love the innuendo, Emily.  Fine.  I will take him into the pool house.

Emily

  Thank you, Richard.  I came out and he was just sitting there.

Richard

  It's a 'he'?

Emily

  I don't know.

Richard

  Well, I can't get a visual from this angle.

Emily

  It's not important.

Richard

  Dog!  I want you to come with me.  Come along, dog!  [dog gets up, follows Richard to pool house]

Emily

  He’s following you.

Richard

  Seems to be working!

Emily

  Good job, Richard!

Logan

It's like 90 kropogs or so.

Richard

Kropogs? Did someone say kropogs?

Lorelai

Dad?

Richard

She's having sex, Lorelai. She's having sex under my roof. I paid 40 thousand dollars to redecorate her sex-house. I bought a her a sex mattress. Her sex-box springs.I provided everything she needs to waste her life.

Lorelai

Dad, Rory having sex is not your fault. Really, she was having sex way before the big renovation.

Richard

I feel so much better now.

Richard

Well I told you not to serve spaghetti and meatballs. They always fight when you serve spaghetti and meatballs.

Lorelai

That's not true.

Rory

We fight just as much when we have Chinese food.

Emily

Can we please talk about something besides food?

Lorelai

What? Starvation? Scurvy? the Donner Party?

Richard

Personally, I like you with glasses.

Lorelai

It's that whole, dirty librarian thing, right dad?

Lorelai

What's this?

Richard

Don't touch that!

Lorelai

Oh my God! It's weapons of mass destruction! Quick! Get the president on the phone! If he's not in the oval office, try the ice cream room!

Emily

Isn't that lovely? ...Your father and I plan to treasure it forever. We're going to have it as a keepsake, or a memento. Remember when Lorelai told us she was married?

Richard

Ah yes, and what was it exactly she said?

Emily

It was something like this: [pushes answering machine play button].

Richard

All in all,I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

Rory

Hmm... Ronald Reagan.

Richard

Quoting W.C. Fields.