I could care less about you and Shane.
JessGood.
It just surprised me that's all.
Jess
Why?
Jess
Because why?
Because of what happened at Sookie's Wedding.
Jess
Ah.
So me coming back here and seeing you with Shane kind a threw me a bit.
Jess
I'm sorry, did I hear from you at all this summer? Did I happen to miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me or did the postman lose the letters you sent to me? You kiss me, tell me not to say anything, very flattering by the way. You go off to Washington and then nothing and you're all put out 'cause I didn't sit here and wait for you like Dean would have done. Oh yeah, what about Dean? Are you still with him? Because last time I checked you were and I haven't heard anything to the contrary. Plus the two of you walking around the other day like a damn Annie Hardy movie, it seemed to me like you were pretty together. I half expected you to break into a bar and put on a show.
When did you see me with Dean?
Jess
At that summer insanity thing the town put on.
I'm surprised that you could see anything with Shane's head plastered to your face.
Jess
You didn't answer me.
Jess
Did you call me at all?
Jess
Did you send me a letter?
Jess
A postcard?
Jess
Smoke signal?
Jess
A nice fruit basket?
Jess
Are you still with Dean? Come on Rory, yes or no? Are you still with Dean?
Yes I'm still with Dean! Yes.
Jess
Glad to hear it.
Jess
See ya around.
Jess
Right back at you.
[Lorelai pulls a shirt from Luke's closet.]
You like Jimmy Buffett? He's so mellow.
I've just been to a few shows, that's all.
A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffetthead.
Is that the one you want me to wear or not?
Jess
That attitude's gonna lose you that toy.
Uh, you and I have got to have a little talk.
Jess
Hey, if you’re gonna get all Ward Cleaver on me, I gotta go call Eddie and Lumpy and tell ‘em I’m gonna be late.
Shut up for a second, would ya? Look, I know you’re at an age where the whole girl thing is... you know, on your mind a lot, and it’s probably not helping you to think straight with all the hormones and other things that are raging around in there. My point is that you gotta think about things a little better, you know, the way you act. I mean, if you care about a girl the way you do with this Shane –
Jess
I don’t care about her.
Jess
I don’t even know her last name.
Jess
She mentioned it once. Didn’t stick.
Well, if you don’t care about her, what are you doing with her?
Jess
Just hanging with her, no biggie.
Well, you gotta be doing something more than hanging with her. I mean, you got to at least be doing something with her to make her jump in a closet when people come into the room.
Jess
Relax, will ya? All is good.
Jess, this isn’t right. You can’t treat a girl like this, like dirt!
Jess
If it’s any consolation to you, she treats me like dirt, too. It’s a pretty symbiotic relationship.
And that’s fine with you?
Jess
Yes, it is.
To just go along in a relationship, you treat somebody bad and they treat you bad back.
Jess
That’s right.
Oh, that makes you happy?
Jess
I’d do backflips, but I am way too cool.
That makes absolutely no sense.
Jess
It doesn’t have to make sense to you.
There are plenty other of girls out there in the world, Jess.
Jess
Don’t you have to get back to the diner?
I mean, you can go out and at least find one that you actually care about.
Jess
Oh, like it’s that easy.
Yeah, it’s that easy if you try.
Jess
Hey, the girls that I like don’t give a damn about me! And unlike some other people I know, I’m not gonna sit around hoping that they change their minds and suddenly notice me.
What’s that supposed to mean?
Jess
You fixed any neighbor’s porches lately? Or you go on a picnic? Or you get rooked into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school?
Jess
At least I’ve got a little self-esteem.
Jess
I’m not playing Golden Retriever, hoping one day she’ll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesn’t wanna be with me, then fine.
You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jess
Whatever. I gotta go, Shane’s waiting.
Oh, you mean What’s-Her-Name?
Jess
Yeah, I’ll bring you a new leash when I get back.
Oh, now that kid’s a major drooler.
Yeah, it’s like a fountain.
Okay, that’s it, they have to go.
Luke, come on, it’s just spit. Pretend you’re at a baseball game.
No no no, I’ve had enough. Let them go not spend money at Al’s, I’m through. [He starts to walk toward the people when a woman stands up and starts unbuttoning her shirt. Luke walks back to Lorelai and Rory] Is that woman doing what I think she’s doing? [the woman has started nursing her baby]
Um, well, I can’t be a hundred percent sure, but. . .oh yeah, that’s lunch.
Why, why do they do this? This is a public place, people are eating here.
I agree. You don’t know where that thing’s been.
When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They’d go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it’s indecent. This is a diner not a peep show!
Hey, consider making it a combo. You could charge more for your cheeseburgers. Of course, no one would ever feel the same ordering a glass of milk again, but . . .
I have to do something. I just can’t stand here and let the lactating continue.
I’m gross? I’m not the one exposing myself for the entire world to see. That’s it.
[Luke starts to walk over to the woman, then walks back to the counter] You go make her stop.
I’m not going over there.
So you have the same parts.
You shouldn’t be scared of it.
Scared of it? You know, you’re gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.
I am being taken advantage of here, and I do not like being taken advantage of. I hate this!
[Jess walks down into the diner and sees the woman nursing]
Jess
Oh geez!
[Jess quickly turns around and walks back upstairs. Lorelai and Rory start laughing.]
Okay, well, that was kind of funny.
Jess
Hey.
Jess
Hey, Lane.
Hey back at ya, tough guy.
Jess
What?
Jess
Something wrong?
Jess
I know.
Jess
Lip?
How’d you get the car, Jess?
Jess
I bought it?
Really, I thought you might’ve built it from parts left over from cars you’ve totaled.
Jess
What is your problem?
Don’t play dumb! You know what you did.
Jess
I gotta go.
Yes, drive on away, we’ll just keep walking. That’s all Rory’s been able to do these past few months – lots of walking. She’s got bunions because of you, mister!
Jess
Bunions?
She’s too nice to complain about her foot ailments!
Jess
Knock it off, Lane!
Just get in the car and go, Jess.
Jess
I didn’t start this.
Well, you started it when you wrecked Rory’s car!
Jess
Tell your friend to walk it off.
Jess
I’m trying to DRIVE off!
Jess
Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?
It’s not the car, it’s who’s got the car.
Jess
Okay, fine, you want it? Take it, I’m sick of this.
I don’t want this piece of junk!
Jess
Right. I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something really snazzy.
Jess
Gladly.
[to Jess] Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat!
[Rory and Dean walk up to the table where Lane is serving food. Jess is in front of them.]
The sandwiches are for the dancers.
Jess
I’m dancing on the inside.
Jess
I live here.
You have nothing better to do than to sit around inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?
Jess
I don’t know. [to Dean] Do you have nothing better to do than sit inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?
I wouldn’t direct any sort of comment toward me if I were you.
Jess
I’m just trying to support my town.
Good, then go back to New York.
Jess
Ooh, zing! I’ve been snapped!
You think you’re bugging me sitting in front of me staring like that?
Jess
You think you’re bugging me dancing in front of me staring like that?
Jess
Then how do you know I’m staring at you?
I am dancing. I cannot control where my glance goes. And the few moments that I can control it, my glance goes to Dean, not to you.
Jess
So you can’t control when you look at me, but you have to force yourself to look at him? Sorry, man. That’s cold.
My former comment still stands.
[Jess walks up to Rory as she is sitting on the bridge]
Jess
Dean's a jerk yelling at you like that, breaking up in front of everyone. The guy's a total jerk.
No, he's not..he was right...everything he said, all those things about you and me, all those things about me...lying to him, messing with his head. He was right. [pause, she looks up at Jess] Well, wasn't he?....Fine, he was right about me then, now go away.
[Jess takes a breath]
Jess
He was right about...all of it.
Jess
You definitely broken up with Dean?
Yeah, I'm definitely broken up with Dean.
Jess
I have to go take care of something then.
Jess
What do you think is gonna happen?
You know what I think is gonna happen.
Jess
No, I don’t. Tell me. Tell me what I’m gonna do to her.
You’re not gonna do anything to her because when you’re at her place, there’s Lorelai, and when you’re here, there’s me, and when you’re out there, there’s Taylor.
Jess
Romeo and Juliet had warring families and they still managed to do a little damage, you know?
Well, as soon as I catch you in a pair of tights, I’ll get worried. Until then, do your homework.
Jess
Here we are.
Yeah, here we are. So, tell me, what’s your decision about smoking that depending on?
Jess
On what’s gonna happen.
Jess
Now.
[They kiss]
I’m glad you didn’t smoke it.
Jess
Oh yeah?
[they kiss again]
Jess
Well, whatever else happens between us, at least we know that part works.
Jess
What? Did I do something or –
No, no. This was. . . you were – are. . .it was wonderful, and I look forward to many similar occurrences in the future, but right now, I have to go. Understand?
Jess
Not at all.
It’s more fun that way, isn’t it?
[Jess returns to Stars Hollow to retrieve the car that Luke stole from him.]
So, you got anything you wanna say?
Jess
... You coulda washed it once in a while?
Okay, fine. The car is yours. Our business here is done. Hasta la vista. Have a nice life.
Jess
Our business here is NOT done. My car is wrecked because of you!
Jess
3 of the tires are leaking, it's got no oil, the floats in the carburetor are probably cracked so it's back-firing like mad. I mean, people were DUCKING when I was driving by. Then it stalled and wouldn't start.
Well, you can find Mr. Goodwrench in the yellow pages, I think it's under M, or is it G? I can never tell with those kinds of things.
Jess
You're paying for the repairs.
Jess
It's broken because of you.
That thing was a piece of junk to begin with; the paint is the only thing holding it together!
Jess
And the expired registration? I'm gonna have to pay a fine!
So, I guess it didn't work out with your dad, huh?
Jess
It worked out fine.
So, what are you doing back East, buddy? Still searchin'?
Jess
Been travelin'.
Well, thanks for all the swell cards and letters you sent while you were away.
Jess
You kicked me out! What were you expecting, a candygram?!
I didn't kick you out, you got yourself kicked out.
Jess
Nice spin, you should work for Bush!
So what did you get out of this Kerouac trip of yours? You write the great American novel or something? You learn how to play the harmonica?
Jess
What do you care? You're not my guardian anymore.
And I bless every day that I'm not.
Jess
Well, when you're not good at something, it's best to cut and run.
Aww, sorry I tried to give you a decent life, Jess. Sorry I didn't think driving a fork-lift for the rest of your life was good enough for you.
Jess
Oh, that is condescending, isn't it? I thought you were a friend of the working man.
Oh, that sister of mine, what a prize. What a prize!
Jess
What does she have to do with any of this?
I tell her about the car, she runs and tells you. That's what happened, right? And her claiming she had no contact.
Jess
Again, the car is mine! Liz was doing the right thing. That's what family does!
Family? What a joke coming from you.
Jess
Go clean your counters, I'm tired.
Jess
I parked in the street so she wouldn't see.
You're very good at covert ops.
Jess
Years of practice, so where d'you wanna go?
I don't know, I don't know the area that well.
Jess
You LIVE here!
I know, but Hartford's still a mystery. [Jess shakes his head] Even when I went to Chilton, I got right on the bus and headed home, so I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days I've just been eating here.
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
