Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Okay, for starters, I think you have to realize something – you were really lucky with Dean. He was an exceptional first boyfriend, and you got spoiled. Most of us didn’t have first boyfriends like Dean. Most of us had first boyfriends like Brian Hutchins.

Rory

Brian Hutchins?

Seventh grade, I’m sitting in the library, walks up, asks me to go steady. I say yes. He walks away and I don’t see him again until the tenth grade when he tries to sell me a dimebag at the Sadies Hawkins Day dance. And he was way overcharging for it, too.

Rory

That’s demented.

Well, that’s what most of us had to put up with. Where do you think the Susan Faludi’s of the world came from?

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It’ll be fun. There’ll be cheerleaders and clowns, people doing the wave.

Rory

You have no idea what a hockey game is, do you?

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[Dave leaves the hockey game after talking with Lane and Rory.]

Rory

Well, well, well. If I didn't know better, I'd say someone isn't quite as cool as we thought he was.

What do you mean? He's jealous. Oh, my God, he-he's jealous, that's so great!

Rory

You've worked your womanly wiles on him, Lane Kim.

I've never made a guy jealous before. I feel so powerful.

Rory

Just remember, there's cute jealous and there's Othello.

Good point.

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Rory

If I had known sports were so much about eating, I would’ve come to a lot more of these.

I know. There’s something deeply satisfying about watching other people exercise while eating junk food.

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Rory

Your mom loves Dave?

She said he’s a righteous young man who’s proven he can be trusted around antique furniture. In her book, that’s pretty close to love.

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Rory

It’s nothing, it’s just Paris. There’s this speech contest for the bicentennial, and I wasn’t even going to enter it, but I don’t know – with the whole ‘it’s my last chance to crush you before graduation’ comment, I want to enter, I want to win, and I wanna dance around her saying ‘I win, I win, I win!’

Wow, you’re getting more and more like me everyday.

S3 The Big One

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You know, it’s funny, me standing here before you right now. I’ve thought about nothing else for four years but this school, this big important school with all of its history and tradition and really super teachers. And I dedicated myself to it completely, heart and soul, believing in its power, believing in its ability to get me where I needed to go. Harvard. I thought of nothing else. Many of you out there can attest to that fact. I was on my way and nothing could stop me. And here’s the really funny thing – after four years of slaving away, I go home today and I found this. [holds up an envelope] I’m not going to Harvard. I got the tiny envelope, the one that reads, "Sorry, Paris. We’re not interested. Try again next year. Love, Harvard." And the thing that’s really funny here is, who in the world deserves to go to Harvard more than me? Have you seen how hard I’ve worked over these past four years? I mean, can anyone here believe that I’m not going to Harvard? I can’t. I’m not going to Harvard. I am not going to Harvard. I had sex, but I’m not going to Harvard.

Rory

Okay.

And I have to tell you that if you asked me which of those two events I thought would be the least likely to happen, it would not be the not going to Harvard.

Rory

Thank you and good night.

I’m being punished. I had sex, so now I don’t get to go to Harvard.

Rory

Paris, come on. [leads Paris off the stage]

She’s never had sex. She’ll probably go to Harvard. She’s a shoe in. Pack your chastity belt, Gilmore – you’re going to Harvard!

S3 The Big One

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Oh, mime. That reminds me – Yale, best drama school bar none. Put that in the pro column.

Rory

I'm not taking drama.

No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions. You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep all goofy and eighteen and doing crap like, "Hey, name an occupation!" "Plumber!" "Name a farm tool now!" "Tractor!" "Hey, I'm a tractor doing. . .plumbing."

S3 A Tale of Poes and Fire

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[Rory is entertaining some kids by using her socks to give a puppet show. Lorelai walks over]

Rory

"Where are you going? I told you to take out the garbage!" "Nag, nag, nag. I wanna watch football and sit in my reclining chair." "Get back here or I'm gonna get you. . ." [sees Lorelai] Oh, hey, guys, hold on a second.

BBoy

No, keep going.

Rory

Oh, calm down there, little scooter. I'll be right back.

[Rory walks over to Lorelai]

Hey Shari Lewis, how's the show going?

Rory

Oh, they're riveted.

S3 A Tale of Poes and Fire

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[The band is practicing as Rory and Jess watch.]

Whoa, cool.

We all finished at the same time.

That has never happened.

The middle of that song didn't even sound like us.

Yeah, it sounded good.

Rory

It sounded great, guys. All of it. Didn't it?

Jess

Not too shabby.

We are so ready for this gig.

We've got a gig. I just love the sound of that.

Jess

Where is it?

Kyle from school. His parents are going to Marriage Encounter for the weekend so he's throwing this mondo party.

Jess

You got enough songs?

We have enough for two half-hour sets. What we need is a name.

I made my suggestion.

Yeah, and we vetoed "The Harry Potters." Next.

So yours is better?

"Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert" is memorable and classy.

I run out of breath every time I say it.

You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.

Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.

Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert" is too long.

Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.

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Rory

Guys, that was amazing. Really, it was awesome.

Thanks.

Dude, you did good, you really did. But you got a little too close to me when you were singing into the mike.

I got as close as I had to.

Your nose touched my cheek, man. That's too close.

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Do not eat chips out of a communal bowl. You might as well stick your hand in a toilet.

Rory

Nice.

If you're desperate, offer to be the person who replenishes them with new bags and grab a handful out of the new bag and dump the rest in the communal bowl.

Rory

Got it.

And keep in mind that getting up on a table and performing a song of any kind will haunt you for the rest of your life. Trust me. Been there, done that.

Rory

I wasn't planning on doing that.

Hon, those things are never planned.

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Rory

It's a Friday night. We should be out, I don't know, partying with the homies.

Our Stars Hollow homies are all in bed by now.

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Hey, Luke.

I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.

Sure, yeah.

Rory

Ten minutes is great.

And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.

And then hopefully got your hearing checked.

Can I finish my story?

I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings.

And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with "Tess". So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the hummel.

The what?

Exactly.

S3 Say Goodnight, Gracie

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Okay. Your first cop-raided party. I am just so proud.

Rory

Mom.