Who would ever have thought that all inns need doors?
Not me.
And floors.
Doors and floors, we can’t afford that.
Well, we better, otherwise our guests will fall right through to China.
I can just imagine the phone calls.
“I Solemnly Swear” · Season 3
In this episode: Lorelai Gilmore (4), Rory Gilmore (2), Emily Gilmore (2), Sookie St. James (1), Paris Geller (1), Michel Gerard (1)
How many times do I have to tell them? You can’t put a two-inch ladle of gravy into a one-inch potato crater. You either need a smaller ladle or a bigger crater – otherwise, you get this.
Gravy on your asparagus.
Yes.
Paris, the cafeteria workers serve hundreds of students a day. A little gravy spillage is natural.
That was our lawyer calling to inform me that one of our former maids is suing for wrongful termination.
Hm.
You might at least act surprised.
It’s not the first time, is it?
It most certainly is.
Really?
Yes, Lorelai, really.
Well, then, I’m surprised.
Which maid was it?
Gertha, the one from Hamburg, Germany.
Which one was she?
You remember. She was the one who you made all those Hamburg-hamburger jokes to.
God, I beat that dead horse.
With glee.
She was the clomper.
The clomper?
She'd be upstairs making the bed and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally.
That's why you fired her?
Yes.
Because she made noise when she walked?
Yes.
Was she a good maid otherwise?
What?
Besides the clomping, was she polite, on time, made sure the little fork went on the outside?
Have you been listening to me? She was not performing her duties as I wished them to be performed. Everything else is beside the point.
Well, I guess it’s always something, isn’t it?
What’s that supposed to mean?
It means you always seem to find the one thing about a maid that negates all of her good qualities. I mean, at a certain point, isn’t it just easier to let a couple things slide?
I see. So it’s my fault?
I didn’t say that.
No, Lorelai, you did. For years, I’ve been listening to you and your father and everyone else go on and on about how demanding I am, how I have to have things a certain way. Well, guess what? I pay to have them that way. I pay more than anyone else pays their maids, and when things are not the way I want, that means I’m not getting what I paid for. Why is that so hard to understand?
It isn’t hard to understand, it’s just –
If you pay for first class and the airline sticks you in coach, people expect you to be upset. No one calls you demanding or unreasonable. And yet here is this woman whom I pay more than she can get anywhere else in Hartford, whose severance package could finance a summer cruise down the Rhine, dragging me into court saying that I was unfair. Why? Because having paid for one thing, I’m not content with something else? That makes me unfair? Well, then, so be it. Let someone else pay first class and ride in steerage, not me.
MMaid
Excuse me, Mrs. Gilmore, dinner’s ready
Thank you, Brooke, we’ll be right there.
[Brooke walks away; Lorelai and Rory start to get up]
Wait, wait, wait. Do you hear that?
Hear what?
Exactly.
Okay. Now, Sookie’s on top of the menu. Let’s make sure the dining room’s open for a late lunch, and we need to confirm the number of rooms they’ll need.
Yes, I have all of this written down on a notepad right next to my self-help book, "Why Don’t People Think You Know What The Hell You’re Doing?"
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