Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

[talking about Logan] I know him from school. He's just a casual friend. That's it.

Lorelai

Do you think he's cute?

Rory

It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.

Lorelai

Uh, it matters to me. I don't want ugly grandchildren.

Which brings us to this question, does Campbell's work successfully resolve the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes to the collective unconscious?

Rory

Hey, pay attention. Professor Bell is one of the foremost philosophy professors in the country.

[. . .] All right. Let's call that close enough. But, now, Campbell can point to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not here are the same basic characters over and over -"

Colin

Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm right in the middle of a class, young man.

Colin

I know, I'm sorry, I just -- [Runs up to stand by Rory's desk.] Rory, you can't just walk out like that. Not after everything we've been through. You just left. I was still in bed. I mean what is that all about?

Ok, you need to do this later.

Colin

I can't do this later. Rory I love you. I love you, dammit! How many times to I have to tell you? God! Just talk to me.

Ok, out right now! Out! Just get -

Logan

Colin! What are you doing, man?

Colin

Get the hell out of here!

Logan

She's with me now. I told you that. Let it go.

Colin

I will not let it go! Everything was fine until you came along!

Logan

Oh, don't blame me because you couldn't keep her.

Colin

I swear to god, I'm gonna kill you!

Logan

Oh, I'd love to see you try.

Stop it! Stop it right now! Anthony, get security! It's not the time or the place for this. Break it up! Gentlemen! You are losing control! You are in a classroom.

Finn

All right, that's enough. Break it up, you two. Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself! Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They used to have dignity. They used to have balls. Damn it, Gilmore! Give them back their balls.

Logan

[Sitting down at Rory and Anna's table] So, dull day, huh?

Not for me.

Logan

[To Rory] Someone's quiet.

Rory

Got nothing to say.

Logan

Do you get the sense that she's mad at me?

Yep.

Rory

Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over to the fro-yo social? You remember where it is, right?

Yeah, but I just had three scoops of ice cream.

Rory

Kid, you're in college now, okay? Now, go get yourself some yogurt.

Are you going to come, Logan?

Logan

[Looks at Rory] Uh, I'm not sure how well I'll be walking, here, in a minute, Anna.

Logan

That's not a good look.

Rory

I have no words.

Logan

It was just a joke!

Rory

Oh wait I've thought of some. Jerk. Ass. Arrogant inconsiderate, mindless frat-boy low-life buttfaced miscreant!

Logan

Butt-faced miscreant?

Rory

Why would you do something like that?!

Logan

I'm sorry, butt-faced miscreant?

Richard

Well, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.

Logan

The...?

Richard

I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.

Logan

Wha...?

Richard

Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions. Well, you know in this place, news travels fast.

Logan

Yeah, look...

Richard

I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.

Logan

No, I know, I...

Richard

However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.

Logan

My father?

Richard

We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.

Logan

Okay, I think that there's been...

Richard

Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony. Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.

Logan

But...

Richard

She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan... welcome to the family, son.

Richard

I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.

Rory

You're the best, Grandpa!

Richard

All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?

Rory

Not anymore than usual. However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.

Richard

Ah, I do love this place.

Lorelai

Okay, I know I was the one that said I was craving mashed potatoes, but, oh my God, they're a lot of work.

Rory

It's instant mashed potatoes. Key word: instant.

Lorelai

Oh, no, not instant. I have to mix water and butter into it, not to mention the adding of salt and pepper.

Rory

OK The Best of Super Furry Animals complete.

Lorelai

Oh! Plus I have to rip the package open, dump it into a bowl and, oh my God, are they serious? I have to stir the mixture to combine? What is this, the Gulag?

Rory

Hey, do you want the Arcade Fire?

Lorelai

I don't know, do I?

RORY

Yes.

Lorelai

Then yes. So basically once I'm finished with all this manual labour, I still have to clean the bowl.

Rory

And the spoon.

Lorelai

What do I use the spoon for?

Rory

Stir to combine.

Lorelai

[Waves her hand around in the bowl.]: Pfft. Right. What do I use the spoon for?

Rory

Oh, my mistake. Carry on.

Lorelai

So let's cut to the chase. How badly do you want these mashed potatoes?

Rory

You wanted the mashed potatoes.

Lorelai

'Cause with tater tots I can just rip and dump.

Rory

Then stick with your strengths.

Rory

Why did you come?

Logan

Open bar.

Rory

Quite a draw for a guy with an American Express black card.

Logan

Live band, salad, butter pats.

Rory

Logan...

Logan

Little knit bags full of those Jordan almonds.

Rory

Are you ever going to ask me out? [No answer.] You flirt with me. You act like you like me a little. You show up here, with a friend, not a date. I mean, aren’t you? Ever? [Pause.] You do like me, right? [Logan smiles.] Oh. Okay. Uh, no problem. [She tries to pull away; he doesn’t let her.] I’ll just, um, let you go back to your table, and I’ll just start burrowing directly into the ground.

Rory

I should be in China by midnight.

Logan

Rory.

Rory

You called me Rory.

Logan

I have thought about asking you out, several times. I just don’t think it’s such a good idea.

Rory

Why not?

Logan

Because you’re special.

Rory

Special, like ‘Stop eating the paste’, special?

LOgan

You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are incredibly interesting. You’re definitely girlfriend material. I, however, am definitely not boyfriend material. I can’t do commitment, and I don’t want to pretend to you that I can. If I were to date you, there would be no dating. It would be something, right away, and I’m not that guy.

Lorelai

[finding Rory and Logan in the middle of making-out] Grandma wants a picture.

Rory

Of this?

Lorelai

Rory? What are you doing? You're at your grandparent's vow renewal thing- whatever. They're out there. God! Rory I swear!

Rory? Rory's here?

Lorelai

Don't Chris, it's alright.

[seeing Rory and Logan looking disheveled] What the hell are you doing in there with my daughter? Stay away from her! That is my daughter! I'm gonna kick your ass! Im gonna kick your ass, you little weasel!

Lorelai

Out!

Who's that guy, Lorelai?

Lorelai

Calm down Christopher, you're drunk!

Calm down? There's a guy in there pawing my daughter!

Luke

What guy? There's a guy in there with Rory?

Luke

[stares at Logan] You, hands off her, I mean it! Hands in the air! I wanna see hands in the air!

Lorelai

Out! Uh, you guys better use the back way out of here.

Rory

But dad, and Luke...

Lorelai

I'll take care of dad and Luke, please go! Now go! [turns to Logan] You must be Logan, I'm Lorelai.

Logan

Uh, nice to meet you.

Rory

Are we okay? I mean, that wasn't exactly my proudest moment.

Lorelai

Aw, honey. You're the daughter of a woman who has had no end of less than proud moments. Don't worry.

Rory

Luke was so mad.

Lorelai

That's because to Luke you're still ten years old wearing feathered angel's wings going door-to-door inviting people to a caterpillar's funeral.

Rory

Oh, now, I did that once.

Lorelai

Luke is fine.

Rory

I hope so.

Lorelai

Look, go back in. Catch up with Logan. Tell him everything is fine.

Rory

He went right to his car, he split.

Lorelai

I don't blame the boy.

Paris

Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know.

Lorelai

Okay, Paris.

Paris

And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off anecdote.

Rory Gilmore

You can't take her. She's trained in Krav Maga.

Lorelai

Damn it!

Rory

So, how was the Zydeco music?

Logan

I left when Finn jumped in on vocals.

Rory

Excellent self-preservational instinct.

Lorelai

Hey, isn't that your naked guy?

Rory

Oh, yeah. Marty, hey! He's not my naked guy.

Lorelai

Well, you don't really want a communal naked guy, nowadays, you know, it's too sketchy.

Rory

Well, it is Friday night.

Lorelai

Yeah, but Friday night dinner without Eva and Adolf. Lovely.

Rory

It's really not fair calling Grandpa Adolf.

Lorelai

No, no, that was Grandma.

Rory

Well, you are the environmental philanthropist in the family.

Lorelai

Well, I feel very badly for the planet right now.

Rory

Hey, you called my cell.

Lorelai

I know.

Rory

I told you to call my landline. My cell phone bill's astronomical.

Lorelai

But a conversation with me: priceless.

Rory

[on the phone] Grandma's still hitting you with the postcards, huh?

Lorelai

As if nothing even remotely unpleasant happened between us. How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that. It's weird. She's the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny Seinfeld he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man-flesh sandwich.

Rory

Eww.

Lorelai

[Reading postcard from Temple of Apollo] Let's see how her trip has been since her last card. 'Dear Lorelai, kicked a dog, then punched a gypsy in the groin.' Oh, that's nice.

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

'Complained about the foie gras to a waiter whose yearly pay is less than what I spend monthly on silver polish, then kicked another dog.'

Rory

Come on.

Lorelai

'Tripped a nun, then burned down an orphanage.'

Rory

Sounds like a busy itinerary.

Lorelai

[rips up postcard] And the sun sets on Apollo.