Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

Having a bad reaction to an onion brick.

Lorelai

What part of onion brick do you not understand?

Rory

I gave dad his tour today. It was nice. He saw the campus. We had dinner.

Lorelai

Oh, how very 7th Heaven of you.

Lorelai

Freeze-dried spaghetti?

Luke

Just add hot water. Eat it out of the bag.

Lorelai

Am I gonna find hot water in there?

Luke

I got to heat it up on the stove.

Lorelai

Oh...my God.

Luke

It's a bowie knife. To cut fish, cut tree limbs.

Lorelai

To amputate a leg?

Luke

Not a leg. It could do a foot.

Lorelai

You didn't know we wouldn't be performing surgery on each other?

Luke

I wanted to be prepared.

Lorelai

Oh wow. I was like in a zen, trance. I was totally somewhere else.

Rory

Oooh I was in Greece, where were you?

Lorelai

Bergdoff Goodman.

Rory

When you reach a zen trance you go to Bergdoff Goodman?

Lorelai

To each his own. Thanks Ron, Jerry.

Logan

I didn't know the gym had masseurs.

Lorelai

No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service but they have missed their calling.

Luke

You got laundry guys to give you a massage?

Rory

Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore.

Christopher

I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabar sat right in front of me.

Lorelai

Brigitte and Kareem showed up huh? I swear any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there.

Lorelai

And just remember. If things don't go well. We will stop loving you...we'll be rooting for you.

Rory

Well it's not really a root for me kind of thing.

Lorelai

Well we brought foam fingers.

Christopher

And we're planning on doing the wave if things get dull.

Lorelai

Dud? :[hand's Christopher a Milk Dud]

Lorelai

She's Anthony-Michael-Hall-in-Breakfast-Club smart.

Christopher

I'm very proud, and mystified...Oh it's the new nanny.

Lorelai

Oh...does Sienna know about this?

Lorelai

So what are we watching?

Gigi

"SHHHHH"

Lorelai

Shhhhindler's List? Oh, Full house. You know I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show.

Luke

Did you know I have never seen the Liberty Bell?

Lorelai

Communist.

Luke

Ok I'm going to take these guys [spiders] outside. Any particular place you want em?

Lorelai

Yea someplace shady. Sheltered from the elements. And close to a talking pig.

Lane

I have some really really big news.

Rory

What?

Rory

You've become a shriner?

Lorelai

Rorys here!

Luke

She is?

Lorelai

Yea she's outside bouncing around with Lane.

Luke

How come she came home?

Lorelai

I dunno...bouncing lessons?

Lorelai

You won the Superbowl?

Lorelai

Apparently there's a fight to the death between Richard and Emily and an evil German supercomputer.

Rory

Ooo I wanna hear.

Emily

I thought we paid four thousand dollars for a computer to give us directions, not to babysit us and make decisions for us on how to live our lives. I mean what's next? The radio won't turn on if it doesn't like the song? The engine won't turn on if the cup of coffee I'm holding is too hot? Maybe the car won't go in reverse if it doesn't like the smell of my perfume!

Sookie

Food!

Lorelai

No I'm Lorelai

Sookie

Heavy!

Lorelai

Now that's just mean!

Lorelai

I'm sorry. But after you almost get killed on a plane, and a freeway, why would you choose to go on a crazy, terrifying roller coaster?

Rory

Oh boy

Lorelai

I mean at that point just stay home right?

Rory

It's a horror movie

Lorelai

But it doesn't make sense

Rory

It's not supposed to make sense. It's supposed to make you sick.

Lorelai

Whatever. I'm going over to the inn. Wanna come over and hang?

Rory

No I gotta run some errands. I'll just meet you later.

Lorelai

Alright, but watch out that a streetlight doesn't accidentally break off, swing down, and decapitate you!

Rory

Will do.

Lorelai

I mean why bother even calling it Final Destination 3. At that point just call it Now You're Really, Really, Really Dead!

Lorelai

Ok see I'm sorry. They did not even come up with a villain. No Freddy? No Jason? The villain is death? How lame is that? Who is seeing this movie?

Rory

Apparently we are. Many many times.

Lorelai

But how can they make money like that? Where's the Halloween mask? Where's the costume? How come they keep making the same stupid movie over and over again?

Rory

Cesar, thank God. We need something to put in her mouth.

Lorelai

Two cheeseburgers and a copy of Ziegfield's book. We are missing the Boat.

Lorelai

Ok, weird dream.

Rory

Weirder than the one when you step into the boxing ring and your hands are creampuffs?

Kirk

Do you happen to be in the market for a house? Cuz this baby's a honey.

Lorelai

Something in the corner just moved.

Kirk

Just a rat. I'd have told you about them before you bought the place. The law also requires me to inform you the house has toxic mold, asbestos, methane gas, buckling floors, a crumbling foundation,a collapsed fireplace, ceiling damage, water damage, and it was the recent site of a Wicca convention, and a particularly grisly murder-suicide. Nothing we can't work with.