Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Mrs. Kim

What do you mean, Luke's out of town?

Lorelai

Ah, well, I mean... Luke's left town. He's gone far away from town. Town's there and Luke's over here.

Mrs. Kim

He's not coming to the wedding with you?

Lorelai

No.

Mrs. Kim

You mean, you're coming alone? Unescorted?

Lorelai

Well, Rory will be there, so.

Mrs. Kim

No, she won't like it.

Lorelai

Who won't?

Mrs. Kim

You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear. People will think things, bad things.

Lorelai

Like what?

Mrs. Kim

Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale.

Lorelai

Wow, suddenly Footloose is not seeming so silly.

Mrs. Kim

What are we gonna do?

Lorelai

Well, I guess first of all, we should agree on of a price.

Mrs. Kim

You'll have to find someone, who'll bring you. You have to find a man.

Lorelai

In one day? Are you kidding me? It took me this long to find Luke.

Mrs. Kim

My daughter wants you at her wedding, fine. But if you're to come, then you need to come with a man. [goes back into her house] And Kirk does not count!

Lorelai

[to herself] Lorelai Gilmore. Disappointing mothers since 1968.

Lorelai

Eh, excuse me. Hi. Mrs. Kim? I'd like you to meet Christopher Hayden. He's Rory's father and a MAN!

Christopher

Did that really need clarification?

Lorelai

Ok we gotta make sure we got everything on the list. Rory read out the list.

Rory

Beer.

Check.

Rory

More beer.

Lorelai

Check.

Rory

Pretzels and beer.

Check.

Rory

Various chocolately treats. Alternative alcohol for those who don't like beer, and beer.

Check.

Lorelai

How is Gigi?

Christopher

She is, well... Hold on a sec. [holds his phone in the air] You hear that?

Lorelai

No.

Christopher

Exactly.

Lorelai

Oh, come on... It's naptime.

Christopher

Not until four, my friend.

Lorelai

Ha... Then she's holding her breath until you buy her a Porsche.

Christopher

She is in her room playing with her toys, shining her halo as we speak.

Lorelai

Well, well, well... Look who's cracking the whip.

Christopher

I gotta tell you, that "No" word is pretty awesome. I can't wait to try out the "You're grounded".

Rory

[looking at her sidekick] Dad's feet are two different sizes.

Lorelai

Oh for the love of... Hey. [holds up two purses] Which one says "Hi, I'm not a whore, enjoy your day"?

Rory

The pink one.

Sookie

Why are we running?

Lorelai

58 seats, 62 Koreans!

Lorelai

Is there something long and sharp sticking out of my head?

Sookie

No.

Lorelai

Well I want there to be. There is an effect. I need a cause.

Sookie

The cause was ten giant shots of tequila honey.

Lorelai

So now, what did I do in front of the camera?

Sookie

Well when you spotted the videographer, you got suddenly very excited to film your audition tape for America's Next Top Model.

Lorelai

Oh My God!

Sookie

Yeah

Lorelai

I thought that was a dream!

Sookie

It wasn't

Lorelai

The posing, the strutting, the inappropriate gyrating?

Sookie

All caught on video and several of Zack's friend's camera phones.

Lorelai

Why didn't you stop me?

Sookie

I tried. We all tried. But you were on a mission. You kept saying "I'm not here to make friends! I wanna win!" And then after that...

Lorelai

There's an after that?

Sookie

You tried to start a limbo contest a poker game, and a secret club for super cool party people only. None of those things really took off especially the limbo considering your choice of limbo sticks was Zacks..

Lorelai

[chiming in] great uncle's cane! Oh yeah, Is he ok?

Sookie

He stumbled but we caught him. He's fine!

Lorelai

So is that all? Anything else I need to worry about?

Sookie

Nope, after you crowned yourself arm-wrestling champion of the world Christopher and Rory scooped you up and got you home.

Sookie

Super cool party people bid you super cool adieu!!

Sookie

That's how you were saying goodbye to people at the wedding.

Lorelai

Super.

Lorelai

That's what it is. Constitution face.

Luke

I brought you something

Lorelai

Aww did you steal me the constitution cuz that could be the start of a really dumb movie.

Luke

It's from Amish country. These little Amish girls hand make them.

Lorelai

Aww it's adorable. Patti look. An amish voodoo doll.

Luke

It's just a doll the Amish don't put faces on their dolls or pins in them.

Lorelai

Oh well it's my doll now. What the Amish don't know won't hurt them, unless of course I want to hurt them.

Lorelai

Marsha! Fabulous. You look like Sophia Loren.

I was going for Vanessa Minnillo on MTV.

Lorelai

Oh yea, I love her music.

She's a VJ.

Purple. I'm obsessed with purple. Probably because I'm obsessed with Harold and the Purple Crayon. I know I'm too old but it's still like one of my all time favorite books.

Lorelai

That's ok. I'm too old for US Weekly. Never stopped me.

Lorelai

How can you possibly say she looks better with the dark hair?

Rory

She did. The blonde just seemed like she was trying to be her sister.

Lorelai

The dark hair makes it look like she's trying too hard not to look like her sister. Plus, she does not have the nose for dark hair.

Rory

What does that mean?

Lorelai

Dark hair is like a giant light-up arrow pointing to what is wrong with you. Blonde hair-- it all sort of blends in a haze of beige.

Richard

Well I told you not to serve spaghetti and meatballs. They always fight when you serve spaghetti and meatballs.

Lorelai

That's not true.

Rory

We fight just as much when we have Chinese food.

Emily

Can we please talk about something besides food?

Lorelai

What? Starvation? Scurvy? the Donner Party?

Richard

Personally, I like you with glasses.

Lorelai

It's that whole, dirty librarian thing, right dad?