Gigi quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

So what are we watching?

Gigi

"SHHHHH"

Lorelai

Shhhhindler's List? Oh, Full house. You know I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show.

Gigi

Will there be food on the plane?

Lorelai

There will be food. But airplane food is one of life's cruel jokes. So we have snacks up the wazoo.

Gigi

The redcoat is here!

Christopher

Cuz I was thinking all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on.

Lorelai

Hey, don't steal my material.

Christopher

What do you mean, "your material?" You ripped me off.

Lorelai

I ripped you off? That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top or Woody Allen gets his material from the "whats-his-name" the guy with the watermelons.

Rory

OK, so what guidelines did he give you?

Lorelai

None. None, no guidelines whatsoever. I'm supposed to write a character reference, so I thought I'd reference his character.

Rory

Sounds like you're on the right track.

Lorelai

No, I'm not, because it turns out I can't write.

Rory

Oh, sure you can.

Lorelai

No, I can't. I stare at the blank page and I just keep staring and staring and eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs, otherwise they'll fall out of my head like raisins. [Gigi giggles]

Rory

Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper, you have to have a writing implement of some kind.

Gigi

[holds up her strand] Look!

Lorelai

Very pretty, honey.

Rory

Hey, what a good job.

Lorelai

You know what I really like? Your cranberry-to-popcorn ratio -- Rory's more of a one-to-one kind of gal, but I'm like you, I like a lot of cranberry, a little popcorn thrown in for flair. [aside to Rory] Yours is pretty too.

Rory

Thank you.

Lorelai

I have a writing implement. The problem is that everything I write just sounds so schmucky.

Rory

I'm sure that's not true...we're running low on cranberries.

Lorelai

[mocking herself] "Luke Danes is a highly regarded member of this community." Ugh! "Not an ill word can be spoken of Mr. Danes." It's like I'm some documentary narrator from the History Channel. And you know what phrase I keep using?! "Stand-up." "Luke Danes is a stand-up guy. He's an upstanding member of Stars Hollow. A real stand-up citizen." People are gonna think he's turned into a comedian.

Rory

Sounds like you're overthinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper --

Lorelai

I tried that. I thought, I'll just sit down and write whatever comes. No judgment, no inner critic -- boy, was that a bad idea.

Rory

Really? Why?

Lorelai

Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners'. 'The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.' Casablanca. Casablanca's such a good movie. Casablanca. The White House. Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants." [Gigi giggles]

Rory

"Hockey puck rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants"?

Lorelai

Exactly! That's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So I think, well, I need inspiration. I need a muse. Perhaps I need The Muse. Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me in an alarming kaftan and coo inspirational words in my ear.