[Rory and Lorelai are preparing a feast of frozen waffles, pop tarts and similar food. Rory's laptop is set up at the table and she is burning CD's as they "cook".]
LorelaiOkay, I know I was the one that said I was craving mashed potatoes, but, oh my God, they're a lot of work.
It's instant mashed potatoes. Key word: instant.
Lorelai
Oh, no, not instant. I have to mix water and butter into it, not to mention the adding of salt and pepper.
OK The Best of Super Furry Animals complete.
Lorelai
Oh! Plus I have to rip the package open, dump it into a bowl and, oh my God, are they serious? I have to stir the mixture to combine? What is this, the Gulag?
Hey, do you want the Arcade Fire?
Lorelai
I don't know, do I?
Lorelai
Then yes. So basically once I'm finished with all this manual labour, I still have to clean the bowl.
Lorelai
What do I use the spoon for?
Lorelai
[Waves her hand around in the bowl.]: Pfft. Right. What do I use the spoon for?
Oh, my mistake. Carry on.
Lorelai
So let's cut to the chase. How badly do you want these mashed potatoes?
You wanted the mashed potatoes.
Lorelai
'Cause with tater tots I can just rip and dump.
Then stick with your strengths.
Lorelai
[finding Rory and Logan in the middle of making-out] Grandma wants a picture.
Lorelai
Rory? What are you doing? You're at your grandparent's vow renewal thing- whatever. They're out there. God! Rory I swear!
Lorelai
Don't Chris, it's alright.
[seeing Rory and Logan looking disheveled] What the hell are you doing in there with my daughter? Stay away from her! That is my daughter! I'm gonna kick your ass! Im gonna kick your ass, you little weasel!
Lorelai
Out!
Lorelai
Calm down Christopher, you're drunk!
Calm down? There's a guy in there pawing my daughter!
What guy? There's a guy in there with Rory?
[stares at Logan] You, hands off her, I mean it! Hands in the air! I wanna see hands in the air!
Lorelai
Out! Uh, you guys better use the back way out of here.
Lorelai
I'll take care of dad and Luke, please go! Now go! [turns to Logan] You must be Logan, I'm Lorelai.
It’s none of your business what’s going on with Rory.
It sure the hell is my business.
Lorelai
Oh, guys, please!
Rory is my daughter. Mine.
Oh, really? Well then, where the hell were you when she got the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week, or where were you when she graduated high school, or started college? Huh? Who the hell moved her mattress into her dorm, and out of her dorm and back into her dorm again?
Are we okay? I mean, that wasn't exactly my proudest moment.
Lorelai
Aw, honey. You're the daughter of a woman who has had no end of less than proud moments. Don't worry.
Lorelai
That's because to Luke you're still ten years old wearing feathered angel's wings going door-to-door inviting people to a caterpillar's funeral.
Oh, now, I did that once.
Lorelai
Luke is fine.
Lorelai
Look, go back in. Catch up with Logan. Tell him everything is fine.
He went right to his car, he split.
Lorelai
I don't blame the boy.
[Lorelai is showing a guest around the Dragonfly Inn]
Lorelai
Figure as your little girls arrive, we'll have them here in the living room. We'll have the pocket doors to the dining room closed. Then, when it's time for breakfast, we'll open the doors, and voila, the full, beautiful effect.
Lorelai
We'll have music with a nice little fanfare. You like Yanni?
WWoman
Hate him with every fiber of my being.
Lorelai
Oh, good, we're in perfect sync. And then, we'll have small-scale tables set with china, a silver tea service, little plates, little cups, and twelve little chairs for all of them to sit on.
Lorelai
: Yeah.
Wait, twelve? I thought there were six. Six little girls.
Lorelai
Six girls and their six dolls.
Lorelai
This is a pancake breakfast for the girls and their dolls.
Lorelai
I thought you knew that.
Dolls, as in they don't have stomachs, lungs or spleens? And we are serving them breakfast?
Lorelai
That's right.
Teeth? Throat? Colons? They don't have these things either? Unless they are Brides of Chucky.
Lorelai
I'm not paying attention to you anymore. [To the woman.] All right,well, I'll order everything, and all you have to do is show up.
WWoman
The girls are looking forward to this. So are the dolls!
Lorelai
Aw, love that.
Lorelai
Okay, bye.
[watching her leave] Is she psychotic?
Lorelai
Shh.
[They head into the kitchen.]
Lorelai
It’s silly fun, Michel, girls love dolls. Chill.
I'm making little pancakes for the dolls, and I found these little forks they can use.
They do not have opposable thumbs!
Who, the girls? Oh, this is a handicapped group! Poor things.
The dolls? How can a doll be handicapped?
My point exactly! They are plastic and made in Banglagor!
[talking about Lorelai's breakup with Luke]
Lorelai
I'm gonna be distracted until we fix this.
Don't worry, because when a relationship is right, things work out.
Lorelai
I hope so.
I heard about this couple on one of those morning shows. Similar to you guys, all lovey-dovey, perfect for each other, headed for marriage, and something happened, and they broke up their senior year in college, even though they were madly in love with each other. They moved to different parts of the country. Thay married different people.
Lorelai
They married different people?
Had kids, grandkids. Then their spouses died. And they were available again, and they talked, and they hooked up. And now they're together and they're happily in love after 40 years apart.
Lorelai
That's a horrible story.
Lorelai
What morning show was that on? I hate that story.
But they ended up together.
Lorelai
Was it Katie Couric? She seems very dark to me.
Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know.
Lorelai
Okay, Paris.
And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off anecdote.
[Lorelai glares at Paris then looks at Rory]
You can't take her. She's trained in Krav Maga.
Lorelai
Damn it!
Lorelai
Hey, isn't that your naked guy?
Oh, yeah. Marty, hey! He's not my naked guy.
Lorelai
Well, you don't really want a communal naked guy, nowadays, you know, it's too sketchy.
Well, it is Friday night.
Lorelai
Yeah, but Friday night dinner without Eva and Adolf. Lovely.
It's really not fair calling Grandpa Adolf.
Lorelai
No, no, that was Grandma.
[on the phone] Grandma's still hitting you with the postcards, huh?
Lorelai
As if nothing even remotely unpleasant happened between us. How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that. It's weird. She's the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny Seinfeld he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man-flesh sandwich.
Lorelai
[Reading postcard from Temple of Apollo] Let's see how her trip has been since her last card. 'Dear Lorelai, kicked a dog, then punched a gypsy in the groin.' Oh, that's nice.
Lorelai
'Complained about the foie gras to a waiter whose yearly pay is less than what I spend monthly on silver polish, then kicked another dog.'
Lorelai
'Tripped a nun, then burned down an orphanage.'
Sounds like a busy itinerary.
Lorelai
[rips up postcard] And the sun sets on Apollo.
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
