Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

I am going out with Robert.

Lorelai

Have I met this Robert?

Rory

No.

Lorelai

What's his last name?

Rory

Why? You think I made him up or something? [thinking] Grimaldi.

Lorelai

Okay

Rory

Robert...what's your last name?

Luke

You're going to make yourself sick.

Lorelai

Yes, but my sickness will remind me of you, so it'll be romantic.

Luke

Romantic nausea.

Kirk

I get that all the time.

Lorelai

My God. Is that Logan? It is Logan. I can't believe it. What a jerk.

Rory

Mom, it's okay.

Lorelai

No, it's not okay! He's sitting over there with a girl and - oh, no you don't. Get me a rock.

Rory

Mom -

Lorelai

I am beaning him with a rock!

Rory

I can't believe he's gone. He's been dying my whole life.

Lorelai

...Apparently he just closed his eyes, muttered something about Lori Loughlin and then, he was gone.

Rory

Wow, he's never died before

Lorelai

I guess there's a first time for everything

Lorelai

Why are you covering your eyes, Kirk?

Kirk

In case you're naked.

Lorelai

You thought I'd walk into my daughter's room and get naked?

Kirk

I don't know your domestic routine.

Lorelai

Hello, is somebody there?

Rory

[walking from her room into the kitchen] Hey, Mom!

Lorelai

[sighs] Hey, Mom? That's it? You just gave me a heart attack and all you have to say is 'hey, Mom'? I thought you were a vicious serial killer.

Rory

[getting a soda from the fridge] Who you were going to challenge to a pillow fight?

Lorelai

Okay, now tell me who does what and what we need to keep things running.

Michel

Well, we need Sookie here.

Lorelai

Well, she's not going to be here, so let's go to Plan B.

Michel

Okay, Plan B. That involves Sookie's clone, also named Sookie.

Lorelai

Well, umm, who here makes the sauces?

Michel

Sookie.

Lorelai

Who here, Michel?

Michel

Sookie trusts no one else with the sauces. She makes the sauces.

Lorelai

Well, what does Mark make?

Michel

Salads.

Lorelai

Okay, and Donny does desserts. What do our other guys do?

Michel

Well, that man over there does the cleaning. That man over there dresses the plates. That man uses tongs, and I have no idea what that man in the corner does, but I would check his trunk before he leaves.

Lorelai

Without Sookie here, we have salads and desserts?

Michel

Pretty much.

Lorelai

We can't run a restaurant serving salads and desserts.

Michel

I would not go to eat, no.

Lorelai

Wait, okay here we have duck. Who here does the duck?

Michel

Nobody touches the ducks.

Lorelai

Well, starting now, someone has to touch the duck.

Michel

I do not know what to tell you, except it will not be me.

Lorelai

This is bad, Michel.

Michel

I'm getting that, yes.

Lorelai

Well, we'll just figure something out, right?

Michel

Absolutely. Ain't no mountain high enough.

Lorelai

We'll just formulate a plan, nail down a strategy. You have any ideas?

Michel

We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces-

Lorelai

No more suggestions necessary, Michel!

Michel

Well, I'm here if you need me.

Lorelai

You know, I love watching you cook. It's hot.

Luke

That's cause you're standing next to the boiler.

Lorelai

Oh, is that what we're calling it now?

Sookie

I will give it a 9.

Lorelai

9+

Sookie

What will make it a 10?

Lorelai

Another half point.

Rory

We're fondue purists, Grandma.

Lorelai

Yea we dip old school.

Emily

The government says you should have nine servings of fruits and vegetables per day.

Lorelai

Imperialist propaganda.

Rory

Noam Chomsky would agree.

Lorelai

I bet Noam doesn't dip fruit.

Hello. Hold on. Hey, Luke, it’s for you. It’s Taylor.

Lorelai

Caesar! You just broke Luke’s standing 'when Taylor calls I’m out even if he can see me through the stupid connecting window' rule.

Rory

You've caught me up. Society's caught me up. The health channel on cable's caught me up. Miss Driscoll the sad spinster gym teacher at Stars Hollow High caught me up.

Lorelai

Miss Driscoll, right. Like she would ever need birth control.

Lorelai

I just ate an apple.

Rory

Uh oh.

Lorelai

Yeah. And I liked it.

Rory

Whoa!

Colin

I'm Colin. This is Finn. And you are?

Lorelai

Her mother.

Finn

My God those are good genes.