Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Emily

It's a panic room.

Lorelai

Like Jodie Foster?

Emily

I have no idea.

Rory

I have never seen Grandma so singularly obsessed about a piece of clothing.

Lorelai

Not since I wore my "Gas, Grass, Or Ass — No One Rides For Free" T-shirt to the Junior League spring tea.

Lorelai

Sookie, first thing we agreed on opening the inn?

Sookie

What?

Lorelai

Keep Kirk away from the business?!!!

Lorelai

Am I wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night?

Rory

What?

Lorelai

Halfway here I was struck by the overwhelming feeling that I wore this exact outfit to last Friday night, and there’s no way I’m going in there to see my mother wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night because I may not remember but she sure as hell will.

Rory

I don’t know.

Lorelai

You don’t know?

Rory

You don’t remember but you expect me to?

Lorelai

Well, you look at me more than I look at me; you sit across from me at dinner. You had more of a chance to imprint my ensemble in your brain.

Rory

Sorry, no imprint.

Lorelai

Oh, that hurts.

Rory

Well I’m sure you don’t remember what I was wearing.

Lorelai

I most certainly do.

Rory

Okay, what was I wearing?

Lorelai

You were wearing a lovely and delicately understated, uh, outfit… well, you were definitely wearing these arms.

Rory

Oh, way to imprint, lady.

Lorelai

Stand in front of me, just in case. (Rings doorbell.)

Hello.

Lorelai

Hi, we should be on the guest list. Holstein and Liza are expecting us. (Maid looks confused.)

Lorelai

Okay. Let’s try it straight. Hi, we’re here for dinner. I’m Lorelai the daughter, this is Rory the granddaughter.

Oh! Okay, I’m sorry. Right this way.

Rory

She’s acting weird.

Lorelai

She knows I’m wearing the same outfit as last week.

Rory

She wasn’t here last week.

Lorelai

The world’s small, maids talk.

Rory

About you?

Lorelai

Yes.

Rory

Oh. With all that’s going on in the world, all the maids in existence are talking about you.

Lorelai

Huh. ‘Kay, now you’re making me seem a little stuck up.

Can I get you something to drink?

Lorelai

Yes, a martini please.

Rory

Coke, please.

Lorelai

Oh, you know, maybe we should wait for my mother. Is she coming down soon?

No.

Lorelai

Oh. Okay. Do you know if she saw what I was wearing through the window?

Luke

Thank you for not being related to me.

Luke

That came out wrong.

Lorelai

No, I got it.

Emily

We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week. It was a big formal gathering. All our friends were there. And at dinner, he made me reach for the butter.

Lorelai

What?

Emily

It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.

Lorelai

And that's why you think he's moved on?

Emily

It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.

Lorelai

Well, Mom, I'm sorry.

Emily

It's very upsetting.

Emily

I think it's time for me to date.

Lorelai

[chokes] Oh, my God!

Emily

I want to go on a date.

Lorelai

With a man?

Emily

No, a weasel. Of course with a man.

Lorelai

I'm not hearing this.

Emily

You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?

Lorelai

Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.

Emily

Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say...

Lorelai

"Hello."

Emily

Is that too forward?

Lorelai

No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

Rory

What did you say to her?

Lorelai

I said, "Are you getting back with Dad?" And she said he wouldn't butter her roll.

Rory

[talking about Logan] I know him from school. He's just a casual friend. That's it.

Lorelai

Do you think he's cute?

Rory

It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.

Lorelai

Uh, it matters to me. I don't want ugly grandchildren.

Lorelai

Oh, it's heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want. You're like Willy Wonka, but hotter.

Luke

I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.

Lorelai

Slap on a purple top hat and you're close.

Lorelai

  It's over—oh, yes, it is over!

Luke

  What is?

Lorelai

  Me and snow—we're through!

Luke

  No, you're not.

Lorelai

  It was years of bliss, y'know.  We had some good stuff and good times.  I could show you pictures of the snow angels I made, but I am done.  Done!  […]  I am with you now, buddy, a hundred percent.

Luke

  With me on what?

Lorelai

  Snow is nothing but annoying, icy, frozen water stuff that "falls out of the sky at inconvenient times"!  It's Mother Nature's icy "Screw you, Lorelai Gilmore."  […]  [to some falling snow]  Oh, no, no!, don't try to make up with me now!  You and me are through!  [swats hands at said snow]  You—stupid—hate—you!

Lorelai

  The floor's a little wet, are we getting the mats out?

Michel

  We are without mats.

Lorelai

  That's impossible; we ordered them eight months ago.  We got confirmation.

Michel

  They were back-ordered and due within two weeks.  Two weeks turned into eight months, and all we have to show for it is our special yellow back-order receipt.  Such cheap paper they use at the mat place.  That should have been a clue.

Michel

  I would advise that you change our cancellation policy.  These people cancel and have to pay nothing.

Lorelai

  I hate charging people for cancelling.  It's too corporate.  We’re doing things differently here.

Michel

  Oh, yes.  Bankruptcy will be fun and different.  Be sure to file for it while it's snowing, won't you?  We'll go down to bankruptcy court in a horse-drawn sleigh.

Michel

  We have another problem.  The Goldfarbs are missing.

Lorelai

  The Goldfarbs?  Our Goldfarbs?

Michel

  The ones you recommended to go cross-country skiing this morning.

Lorelai

  Right.  So they’re out skiing.

Michel

  They said they would be back by noon promptly.  Well, it's past noon, and their friends are here to meet them for lunch, but the Goldfarbs are erwol.

Lorelai

  They're what?

Michel

  Erwol!  Erwol!

Lorelai

  Oh!  AWOL.

Michel

  What do I care, I'm French.  The point is, we strapped wooden sticks to the feet of a fat orthodontist and a woman with ugly chunky jewelry, and we lost them!