Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Lane can't quit the band. She has to get famous and introduce me to Bono.

Rory

I told her that.

Lorelai

All right, let's go eat… see if we can figure out a way to salvage my future as a groupie.

Luke

Hey, wait now. You're talking crazy talk trying to confuse me now, aren't you?

Lorelai

Aren't you!

Luke

What?

Lorelai

Who?

Luke

Stop it!

Lorelai

Bye!

Lorelai

Oh, now that kid’s a major drooler.

Rory

Yeah, it’s like a fountain.

Luke

Okay, that’s it, they have to go.

Lorelai

Luke, come on, it’s just spit. Pretend you’re at a baseball game.

Luke

No no no, I’ve had enough. Let them go not spend money at Al’s, I’m through. [He starts to walk toward the people when a woman stands up and starts unbuttoning her shirt. Luke walks back to Lorelai and Rory] Is that woman doing what I think she’s doing? [the woman has started nursing her baby]

Lorelai

Um, well, I can’t be a hundred percent sure, but. . .oh yeah, that’s lunch.

Luke

Why, why do they do this? This is a public place, people are eating here.

Rory

They sure are.

Luke

This cannot be sanitary.

Lorelai

I agree. You don’t know where that thing’s been.

Luke

When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They’d go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it’s indecent. This is a diner not a peep show!

Lorelai

Hey, consider making it a combo. You could charge more for your cheeseburgers. Of course, no one would ever feel the same ordering a glass of milk again, but . . .

Luke

I have to do something. I just can’t stand here and let the lactating continue.

Lorelai

Luke!

Rory

Gross!

Luke

I’m gross? I’m not the one exposing myself for the entire world to see. That’s it.

Lorelai

I’m not going over there.

Luke

Why not? You’re a woman.

Lorelai

So what?

Luke

So you have the same parts.

Lorelai

What?

Luke

You shouldn’t be scared of it.

Lorelai

Scared of it? You know, you’re gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.

Luke

I am being taken advantage of here, and I do not like being taken advantage of. I hate this!

Jess

Oh geez!

Luke

Okay, well, that was kind of funny.

Lorelai

[Phone rings and Lorelai answers] Independence Inn

Emily

You should really identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.

Lorelai

Sorry, Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?

Emily

Yes, thank you.

Michel

[about an auction] And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements.

Lorelai

Well, that certainly calls for a 'Dirty'!

Rory

Geez, did he talk about anything else but his car?

Lorelai

Not until we got to the restaurant, then the wine list.

Rory

Oh no he's a winey?

Lorelai

Yes, he sniffed and swirled and swished and did every other pretentious and borderline disgusting thing you can do with a glass of wine in a public place.

Miss Patty

Taylor, all animals have to… you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?

Taylor

Easy. Put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures, then when they land — pow! They're shish-kebabs.

Rory

That's cruel.

Babette

You can't do that.

I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.

Lorelai

There it is — our new town slogan.

Rory

I like it.

Lorelai

I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.

Rory

Don't forget stuffed shish-kebabbed birds.

Lorelai

That moan when you squeeze 'em.

Sookie

Last night, I made coq au vin for dinner, so of course the subject of children came up.

Lorelai

Of course.

Sookie

All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, Jackson announces he wants four in four.

Lorelai

He wants what?

Sookie

Four in four. Four kids in four years.

Lorelai

Good Lord!

Sookie

I know!

Lorelai

Well, who’s he gonna have these kids with?

Sookie

Me, apparently.

Lorelai

What did you say?

Sookie

See, here’s where, uh, the problem comes in.

Lorelai

What?

Sookie

I think I said yes.

Lorelai

How is that possible?

Sookie

Well, I was totally shocked when he announced it and I sort of said, "O. . kay" and . . but I think he took it as, "Okay!" So, apparently, now I have to get busy.

Lorelai

Do you want four in four?

Sookie

No. But, I mean, I want kids. You know I want kids.

Lorelai

I know you want kids.

Sookie

But I thought maybe one. Two if the first one is really quiet.

Rory

I can't even open my eyes.

Lorelai

That's okay, there's nothing to see. Kirk's in a Speedo, Taylor's in a skirt, Al's in assless chaps.

Rory

Oh my God, stop. I'm never gonna be able to close my eyes again.

Jess

Hi.

Rory

Hey.

Jess

Hi.

Lorelai

Hi.

Jess

Hi.

Luke

Hi.

Rory

I have to get to school.

Jess

Yeah, me too.

Rory

Bye

Jess

Bye. Bye.

Lorelai

Bye.

Rory

Bye.

Lorelai

Bye.

Rory

Bye.

Luke

Bye.

Luke

What the hell was that?

Lorelai

That was episode one of "Rory and Jess: The Early Years".

Luke

Uh, listen, I just want you to know that I had a little talk with Jess earlier.

Lorelai

You did?

Luke

Yes, I did, and I really laid down the rules concerning him and Rory. Trust me, he now knows that I am going to be watching them every second they are together.

Lorelai

Oh good.

Luke

Yup.

Lorelai

You know, they're together now.

Luke

What?

Lorelai

Oh yeah. "I have to get a part for my car", "I'm going to go study" — that's kid code for "Meet me at the previously agreed upon location far away from my clueless uncle".

Luke

You're kidding me, right? You don't really think that… damn, they are. They're together. They used the kid code and now they're together.

Lorelai

Oh wow. I guess this means there really isn’t a Dean anymore, huh?

Rory

Yeah, that and it broke in the shower this morning. Though I probably would’ve taken it off anyway.

Lorelai

Or Jess would’ve done it for you.

Rory

What did that mean?

Lorelai

It just meant Jess wouldn’t want you wearing another guy’s bracelet.

Rory

Or that Jess is a thief and he would’ve stolen it.

Lorelai

It does work on both levels, doesn’t it?

Rory

So this is how it’s gonna be from now on?

Lorelai

What does that mean?

Rory

You like Dean and you hate Jess.

Lorelai

Rory.

Rory

Jess will always be the evil guy who mouthed off to you and wrecked my car and Dean will always be the perfect guy who would come over and change the water bottle.

Lorelai

Aw, I forgot about the water bottle.

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

Rory, I said nothing. I didn’t mean what you thought I meant about Jess. I’m trying to be supportive about this.

Rory

How supportive?

Lorelai

Supportive. You know, go team.

Rory

I’m serious, I wanna know how it’s gonna be. Like, can I invite him over?

Lorelai

Of course you can invite him over.

Rory

Well, can he actually come into the house?

Lorelai

Yes, he can come into the house

Rory

Are you going to talk to him?

Lorelai

I'll at least match him grunt for grunt.

Rory

Okay. Now, let's say he's in the house and there's a fire and you can either save him or your shoes - which is it?

Lorelai

That depends, did he start the fire?

Lorelai

It's a boy! Oh, I know nothing about little boys!

Sookie

Me neither.

Lorelai

So are you going to name him Lorelai?

Sookie

Absolutely, that wouldn't be confusing at all...

Rory

I may have given [Babette] an itinerary, but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling.

Lorelai

... Reality has absolutely no place in our world!