Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

[about Chilton] Wait, wait. Look around for a second. Notice?

Rory

Notice what?

Lorelai

It's not so scary anymore.

Rory

No, it's not.

Rory

What are we doing?

Lorelai

Leaving our mark. Got a knife?

Rory

A knife? For what?

Lorelai

For carving our initials. Come on. Knife, knife.

Rory

Sorry, I didn't put my switchblade in my sock.

Rory

Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes and seconds and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is, because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who've been my mentors, so many people who've shaped my life, and my fellow students lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric, but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars, without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore...

Sookie

[With tears in her eyes] Uh, oh -

Lorelai

[Also on the verge of crying] Hang in there.

Rory

My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her...

Sookie

[Choked up] Not crying.

Lorelai

[Slightly crying] Crying a little.

Sookie

Crying a little, but not blubbering. That's what we meant when we said no crying. No blubbering.

Rory

[Tearfully] Thank you Mom, you are my guidepost for everything.

Sookie

On the verge of blubbering here.

[Choked up, tearfully] Not doing too well myself.

Lorelai

[Looks over to see Luke] Not you, too.

Luke

[Tearfully blubbering] I'm blubbering, you freaks!

Lorelai

Hey Rory, I don't want you to freeze out your dad because I am.

Rory

I'm not.

Lorelai

Because I'm fine if you want to go back to the way things were.

Rory

I think that would be a little hard this time.

Lorelai

OK ,maybe not now, but eventually.

Rory

Eventually maybe, but for now, Solidarity, sister.

Lorelai

Ya-Ya!

Rory

You've been waiting 6 weeks to do that, haven't you?

Lorelai

Ya-Ya!

Lorelai

'[describing her dream] I'm lying in bed and I'm sleeping and I'm wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing in the kitchen, is Luke!

Rory

Was he naked?

Lorelai

No! He was making breakfast.

Rory

Naked?

Lorelai

Okay, you've been in Washington way too long.

Rory

Oh, God!

Lorelai

What is it?

Rory

It's THAT.

Lorelai

Jess?

Rory

Yes.

Lorelai

You're upset about Jess?

Rory

I said "yes"!

Lorelai

Yes, it's Jess?

Rory

You're not being funny!

Lorelai

All right, you got home too late last night and I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.

Rory

I got home at ten and you were already asleep.

Lorelai

Well, I was trying to watch The Legend of Bagger Vance again.

Rory

Okay, what did I miss?

Lorelai

Okay. Kirk asked me out.

Rory

Shut up!

Lorelai

Yesterday he came to the inn and asked me to dinner.

Rory

That’s so sweet.

Lorelai

Sweet?

Rory

You should wear your dress with the ponies on it. I bet he likes ponies.

Lorelai

Rory, I cannot go out with Kirk.

Rory

Why?

Lorelai

Uh huh. . .why? He's. . .he's Kirk!

Rory

Well, as long as he loves you.

Lorelai

You are not serious.

Rory

I just want you to be happy.

Lorelai

: Hello Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather Kirk. Please don't make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter.

Lorelai

My life stinks. Hey, let's look into each other's eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time — maybe we'll pull a Freaky Friday.

Rory

Or we can just pretend that we did and you can go around acting really immature. Oh, wait…

Lorelai

I can't believe you won't switch bodies with me.

Rory

Forget it. Then I'd have to date Kirk.

Lorelai

Oh my God.

Emily

Reading in front of other people is extremely rude, Lorelai.

Lorelai

Shauna Christy shot her husband.

Emily

What?

Lorelai

Shauna Christy, you remember Shauna Christy.

Emily

Yes I remember Shauna Christy, she was a lovely girl.

Lorelai

Well apparently this lovely girl came home to find her husband giving a nice little bonus package to the maid. And they say good help is hard to find.

Emily

That's just gossip.

Lorelai

Gossip? The man was shot 35 times! He looks like a sprinkler system!

Emily

I can’t believe this. Shauna was always such a nice girl. She was bright, cultured, well-spoken.

Lorelai

And apparently a big Annie Oakley fan.

Emily

This is not funny, the woman committed a crime.

Lorelai

Okay, fine.

Emily

This is a tragedy.

Lorelai

My bad, sorry.

Emily

A man is dead, a young woman ruined.

Lorelai

Consider the subject dropped.

Emily

At least she had a husband to kill.

Rory

How long have you been sitting there?

Lorelai

Not long. An hour. . .and a half.

Rory

Why?

Lorelai

Because.

Rory

'Cause why?

Lorelai

Because today is the last first day of high school you’re ever gonna have.

Rory

You’re insane.

Lorelai

I’m not insane, I’m just sentimental, and you’re grown.

Rory

I’m not grown.

Lorelai

Yes, you are, you’re all grown up and soon you’ll be going off into the world.

Rory

Not yet.

Lorelai

But soon. And after you spread those wings and fly away, I won’t have the opportunity to give you this.

Rory

What is it?

Lorelai

It’s your bill.

Rory

My what?

Lorelai

Yeah. I’ve been crunching the numbers, you know, adding up what you’ve cost me over the years – raising you, clothing you, feeding you, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Rory

Mmhmm.

Lorelai

Yes, I’ve itemized everything here by years and income ratio. I thought you could factor it into your student loan.

Rory

Oh boy.

Lorelai

One thing that’s painfully obvious here – you’ve used an extraordinary number of diapers.

Rory

I’m gonna go take a shower.

Lorelai

Really, it’s cost a fortune. What were you using all those diapers for?

Rory

I was building my ‘make Mommy go away’ castle.

Rory

He's going to be expecting Chilton High School senior, Trixie McBimbo.

Lorelai

And her mother, Bambi McBimbo.

Lorelai

State your full name. Better not get that one wrong, and nickname if any.

Rory

That would be Rory.

Lorelai

Or droopy drawers.

Rory

That was never my nickname.

Lorelai

Wrong! I called you that as a baby.

Rory

What?

Lorelai

That's right. Once you had these little Oshkosh cords and they were way to big. Once at the mall they fell right down to your knees and I said "Whoa there droopy drawers". I'm just afraid if we don't answer every thing accurately the Harvard police will come and hit you with an Atlas and say something mean in Latin.

Luke

What’s that, a toy?

Miss Patty

Oh, it’s awfully cute.

Taylor

That is a professionally manufactured diorama of the proposed business.

Rory

Wow, there’s little people and everything.

Sookie

They look so real.

Hey, it’s me holding a tiny zucchini!

Lorelai

Look at the horse drawn carriage.

Taylor

My thought was to park it out front with the name of the business painted on the side. It’s very eighteen-hundreds.

Babette

The horse is taller than the front door.

Lorelai

Way taller.

Luke

What are you up to, Taylor? Are you breeding giant horses?

Taylor

It’s slightly out of proportion.

Babette

Slightly? That little guy there could walk right under the horse without even ducking.

Lorelai

So, I think I'm in touch with the other side.

Rory

The other side of…

Lorelai

The other side.

Rory

With Republicans?

Lorelai

Oh my God.

Luke

What?

Lorelai

Jimmy Buffett?

Luke

Put that back.

Lorelai

You like Jimmy Buffett? He's so mellow.

Luke

I've just been to a few shows, that's all.

Lorelai

A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffetthead.

Luke

Is that the one you want me to wear or not?

Lorelai

Sing Margaritaville.

Luke

No.

Jess

That attitude's gonna lose you that toy.

Luke

Stay outta this.