Bender quotes from Futurama

Fry

She just needs some gas.

Prof. Farnsworth

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum preserves went dry in 2038.

Leela

Gas was an environmental disaster, anyway. Now we use alternative fuels.

Fry

Like what?

Leela

Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener.

Bender

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.

Fry

Oh, right. Plus, the magnet screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

Bender

What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous.

Fry

Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you, and nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that.

Bender

OK, OK, I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

Leela

Come on!

Hermes

You can do it!

Amy

Bender!

Farnsworth

Go on, you dummy!

Bender

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care,

Bender

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care,

Fry

Oh, no!

Bender

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care,

Bender

'Cause the master's gone away.

Bender

Hey, yeah, I could write a song! With real words, not phoney ones like "odelay".

"Odelay" is a word. Just look it up in the Becktionary.

Bender

Oh no! I forgot this is a hover-bridge!

Leela

And I forgot this isn't a hover-car!

Fry

Is any of that a problem?

Zoidberg

Not if you've lived a life without regret! [screams in terror]

Fry

That's how I must have done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky.

Leela

[on intercom] Detonation in three, two, one.

Fry

No!

Fry

Did you see it? Did you see it?

Bender

The explosion?

Fry

No, not the explosion!

Leela

Then what?

Fry

[quietly] Nothing.

You are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door. Please send a man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven! [wins again] A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really be... in Hell!

No, Mr. Smith. You are not in heaven or hell. You are on an airplane! [unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A creature sits on the wing of the plane, ripping wires out of it]

There's a gremlin destroying the plane. You gotta believe me!

Why should I believe you, you're Hitler! [pulls out a mirror. Clyde's reflection is indeed Hitler]

No! [turns to a woman sitting next to him] Eva Braun! Help me!

Bender

Eh, saw it coming.

Bender

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!

Leela

Bender, this is Fry's decision... and he made it wrong. So it's time for us to interfere in his life.

Bender

What is the world coming to? That Fry is a sicko poivert, I tell ya! Dating a robot... it's an attrocimacy!

Leela

But Fry is our friend, Bender.

Bender

Ah, geez! Would you stifle there, meatbag?

Leela

You stifle, Bender!

Dr. Zoidberg

Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

Bender

Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!

Leela

How much did you make me?

Bender

One hundred dollars.

Fry

Look, the players who broke the various color barriers.

Bender

When will man learn that all races are equally inferior to robots?

Fry

Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life; when he was crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Bender

Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Prof. Farnsworth

Your basic bending unit is made of an iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had an 0.04% nickel impurity.

Bender

It's what made me me.

Leela

Bender, we're trying our best.

Bender

Your best is an idiot!

Bender

Danny Boy?! You're at my funeral, singing about some stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Zoidberg

I'm expressing my sorrow!

Bender

Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too!

Bender

You've convinced me life is worth living... by showing me how bad my funeral will suck!

Amy

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next!

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, stop.

People of Osiris 4, please welcome a man who started as a slave but worked his way up to Lord of All Creation! Our new Pharaoh, Bender!

Bender

Citizens of Me! The cruelty of the old Pharaoh is a thing of the past. Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land.