Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Zapp Brannigan

Throw her in the brig.

Fry

We don't have a brig.

Zapp Brannigan

Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".

Kif

What shall I do with your civilian clothes?

Zapp Brannigan

Take them to the laundry/brig!

Fry

It's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Leela

That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

Bender

Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

Prof. Farnsworth

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Prof Farnsworth

The problem with both parties is they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate.

Fry

The less fortunate get all the breaks!

Fry

You look different. Did you get a haircut?

Bender

No! I sold my body.

Prof. Farnsworth

Sold your body? Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

Fry

Leela, I got a plan.

Leela

I got a better plan.

Zoidberg

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see!

Hermes

Listen, you filthy crab! 1,000 years ago, there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders.

Fry

Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.

Hermes

A true inspiration for the children.

Fry

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.

Leela

Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

Fry

Please let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!

Robot Santa

You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!

Fry

It really puts you in the Christmas mood.

Prof. Farnsworth

What-mas?

Fry

Christmas! You know, X-M-A-S.

Leela

Oh, you mean "Xmas"! You must be using an archaic pronunciation, like when you say "ask" instead of "axe".

Prof. Farnsworth

[spoken] Now let's all of us shut up and sing!

Amy

[singing] He knows when you are sleeping,

Prof. Farnsworth

[singing] He knows when you're on the can,

Leela

[singing] He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.

Dr. Zoidberg

[singing] Oh,

Hermes

[singing] You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,

Bender

[singing] You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.

Fry

[singing] Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Prof. Farnsworth

Merry Xmas, everyone!

Leela

Look at you guys. No offence, Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap.

Fry

"Sack"?

Amy

And Bender, your beer belly is so big your door won't even close. And that doesn't even make sense.

Fry

Co-ed steam rooms! I love the future!

Leela

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.

Fry

Ah, futuristic!

Amy

[To Leela] Psst, look what life was like before genetic engineering.

Leela

Those poor 20th century women.

Prof. Farnsworth

We - by which I mean you - will have to rush him to his ancient home world, which will soon erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.

Fry

Oh, baby! I'm THERE!

Leela

Fry, do you even understand the word "invertebrate"?

Fry

Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

Dr. Zoidberg

Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?

Fry

Fatal.

Dr. Zoidberg

[To Bender] Large bet on myself in round one.

See you at the frenzy, Doctor [He makes a gibberish noise].

Fry

Is that how you say "Zoidberg"? [The Decapodian runs off crying]

Zoidberg

[angrily] You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.