Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Leela

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

Bender

Because he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.

Fry

Hey, I can any girl I want anytime I want! I'm just too busy.

Fry

Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

Dr. Zoidberg

[to Edna] I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. [to Fry] Fry, that doesn't make sense.

Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense. But okay.

Fry

Tell her she looks thin.

Dr. Zoidberg

You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites?

Why yes! Thanks for noticing.

Dr. Zoidberg

[to Fry] Now what?

Fry

Ask her how her day was.

Dr. Zoidberg

Why would I want to know that?

Fry

You wouldn't. Ask anyway!

Dr. Zoidberg

Now how am I going to get rid of my male jelly?

Fry

I'll lend you this. [Waves severed arm]

Fry

My girlfriend had one of those. Actually it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. And she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Leela

Fry, remember what we said about ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Bender

Ugh... I think I got whiplash.

Leela

You can't have whiplash. You don't even have a neck.

Bender

I meant Ass-whiplash.

Fry

I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop.

Flexo

Ugh... I think I got whiplash. [faints]

Fry

How's that robot I ran over?

Farnsworth

We did all we could...

Fry

You mean he's...?

Farnsworth

Good as new? Yes!

Farnsworth

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.

Farnsworth

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you

Farnsworth

Feast your eyes on this!

Leela

It's beautiful!

Amy

And huge!

Fry

Can I touch it?

Leela

Space bandidos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take 8-hour shifts guarding the safe. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Fry

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically.

Leela

OK. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Fry

Wait, let's go by rank.

Leela

OK. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

Fry

Flexo outranks me?

Flexo

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir"!

Leela

Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer?

Fry

I didn't find him ten minutes ago, so I thought it was time to check again.

Fry

Bender?! You stole the atom?

Bender

I can explain: It's very valuable.

Flexo

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

Fry

Whoa, whoa. Wait a sec. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked. Shocked! Well not that shocked.

Fry

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?

Amy

I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though!

Fry

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

Amy

Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Fry

Sorry, I'm not here to buy.

I understand. But it's wonderful that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.

Fry

I care! I care plenty! But I just don't know how to make them stop!

One word: Thundercougarfalconbird.

Amy

OK, Fry, we're done putting on the bra.

Fry

Why exactly did you shave your legs anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date?

Amy

What business is it of yours?

Fry

And another thing: You're using an awful lot of make-up there.

Amy

This is deodorant.

Fry

What does it do?

Fry

Hey, I can get a date too. Now that I'm single, I'll attract all sorts of women!

Amy

With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

Fry

Oh! Oh...

Zoidberg

There you are, good as new. Except for your dorsal fin, I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash.

Fry

Can I live without it?

Zoidberg

If you call that living.