Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Fry

Wow, the jungles on Mars look exactly like the jungles on Earth!

Professor Farnsworth

Jungles on Earth? [Laughs]

Leela

You went to college?

Bender

Of course. I'm a bender. I went to Bending College; I majored in Bending.

Fry

What was your minor?

Bender

Robo-American Studies.

Fry

[upon meeting Guenter] My roommate's a MONKEY?

[dryly] Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.

Fry

You want a banana?

I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu.

Fry

[narrows his eyes] I don't like you.

Fry

Hey, professor. What are you teaching this semester?

Prof. Farnsworth

Same thing I teach every semester: The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. I made up the title so that no student would dare take it.

Fry

[writing] Mathematics of wonton burrito meals. I'll be there!

Prof. Farnsworth

Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

[during Single Female Lawyer as Fry spilled beer onto the controls] Oh, my God! You knocked FOX off the air!

Fry

Like if anyone on Earth cares.

Zapp Brannigan

The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.

Fry

You mean while I'm sleeping in it?

Zapp Brannigan

You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Huh, err, sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl, you punch me, I go down, she swoons, you slip me 50 bucks.

Fry

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her!

Hermes

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boatbag!

Bender

Ow! [Fry chuckles. Hermes hits Fry next.]

Fry

Oof! Hey, quit it, Hermes! It's Labor Day.

Hermes

Labor Day?! That phoney-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Fry

That's the one.

Hermes

Hot damn, a day off!

Fry

OK, Leela, you'll be starring as Jenny--

Leela

Uh-uh, forget it. A, I'm camera shy; and B, I get tongue tied in front of an audience armed with death rays.

Amy

Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt.

Leela

Gimme the script.

Lrrr

Attention, McNeil. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall I would rate it a C+. Okay, not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet. But neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality!

Fry

Way to overact, Zoidberg!

Bender

What should we point it at first?

Fry

I dunno. Try it on me! [Bender points the F-Ray at Fry's body.]

Fry

Ow, my sperm!

Bender

Wow! Neat! Mind if I try it again? [He does so.]

Fry

Huh. Didn't hurt that time.

There will be no further questions!

Fry

[Raises his hand] Why?

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink when you're partying with Slurms McKenzie!

Fry

When will that be?

Soon enough.

Fry

That's not soon enough!

Bender

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right?

Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you!

Leela

No. We're on the top.

Fry

Daylight and everything.

It must be wonderful.

Bender

Meh.