Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Hairgel?

Fry

No thanks. I make my own.

Dr. Zoidberg

Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

Dr. Zoidberg

Oh, I'm ruined! [crying] Why?

Fry

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together.

Bender

[muttering] Shut your fat mouth!

Fry

See you guys Monday!

Professor Farnsworth

Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. [Zoidberg excitedly tries to reach the bottle] Get--! [furiously snatches the bottle away] For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not with your claws!

Fry

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch.

Dr. Zoidberg

Oh, boy!

Professor Farnsworth

Oh, God! My tract! [clutches his stomach]

Fry

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings but this food actually tastes better as vomit!

Leela

It's unbearable! How much do you think it would cost to have my tongue removed?

Bender

Fleeing somewhere?

Fry

With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Bender

In that case brunch is served! Let's go! Move it out! Stop crying, Leela!

Fry

Check it out, y'all. Everyone who was invited is here...

Dr. Zoidberg

Also Zoidberg!

Fry

So let's open the gifts!

Leela

There goes my DNA. What a disgusting and beautiful process.

Fry

That's birth for you.

Leela

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Fry

Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Fry

Just remember that people care about you.

Leela

I know.

Leela

Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky and I get this feeling that somewhere, on some unknown planet, circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Hermes

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste.

Fry

What does it taste like?

Hermes

Delicious fig pudding. Oh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

Fry

Isn't there anything more you can tell me?

Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.

Fry

That is impossible, because my time is worthless.

Fry

Leela, don't shoot!

Leela

But they killed my parents!

Fry

Close!

Leela

They are my parents!

Fry

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

Prof. Farnsworth

It can do other things, why shouldn't it?

Fry

You could have picked a better time to break up with the ship, Bender.

Bender

Ah, the moment felt right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Leela

Man, I'm sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor.

Fry

I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.