Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Fry

Incredible. This place is just like the Ancient Egypt of my day.

That is no coincidence. For our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.

Fry

I knew it! Insane theories, one; regular theories, a billion.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel, and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Fry

Also, Wolfman.

Bender

Hey, my antenna's gone! [looks down] Nah, it just moved. I'm not getting good reception on it, though. Maybe if I wiggle it around a little...

Fry

Bender, no! You'll make God cry!

Good evening, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and pay attention as I sign an historic peace accord with Ambassador Kong of Nintendu 64.

Fry

Hey, I know that monkey, his name is Donkey.

Farnsworth

Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!

Quick to the escape tunnels!

This way, dammit!

Zoidberg

Mmm, delicious! Just like stale marshmallows! [A cherry appears in front of him.] Ooh, and a cherry!

Fry

Hey! Watch out! [He gets eaten by Zoidberg]

Zoidberg

Uh oh.

Leela

Oh, my God. He ate Fry. Fry is dead!

Fry

Its OK. I had another guy.

Its working! Victory is assured! My retirement tomorrow will be all the sweeter.

[screams] I'm hit! [sobs] So cold!

NOOOO!

Fry

Amy. Tend to the widow Pac-Man.

[crying] Wakka wakka wakka!

Fry

Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head.

Leela

I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!

Prof. Farnsworth

For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist!

Fry

But existing is basically all I do!

Prof. Farnsworth

Start the ship, Leela! Let's just steal the dish and get back to our own time.

Fry

But won't that change history?

Prof. Farnsworth

Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from "Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa"!

Bender

Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't wanna have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back.

Fry

I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Fry

She sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling you're only going with girls 'cause you're supposed to?

Fry

What?! Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Prof. Farnsworth

What the hell have you done, Fry?

Fry

Relax! She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.

Prof. Farnsworth

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

[wearing glasses and knitting] Come back to bed, deary.

Fry

[screams] It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?

Prof. Farnsworth

Isn't it obvious?

Prof. Farnsworth

You are!

Leela

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way! It's hopeless!

Fry

You can't give up hope just because it is hopeless! You gotta hope even more, and cover your ears, and go: "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!"

Fry

Hmm...finding God. That's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend Bender.

I don't know what to say, other than... absolutely not! Sure, your loss is a tragedy, but our work...

Fry

Come on, you guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart is God.

Oh, how convenient! A way of looking for God that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

Leela

Oh, no, the monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room.

Fry

Do we have to? They're monks, after all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.

Bender

Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no one will.

Fry

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do?

Well, we could join together in prayer.

Fry

Uh-huh, but is there anything useful we can do?

No.