Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Bender

Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.

Leela

Come on! It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Bender

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Leela

No, you didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money!

Bender

True. But, in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Leela

Yeah.

Fry

I guess so.

Bender

[Getting beaten up by Destructor] Thrown in the towel Fry. [Fry stands there] For God sake, Fry!

Fry

[Turns to reveal a brain-slug on his head] Errrrrr...

Hermes

[With a brain-slug attached] That's exactly what I was thinking.

Bender

Behold... the Internet!

Fry

My God! It's full of ads!

Fry

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

Bender

[sarcastically] Is the Space Pope reptilian?

This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty.

Fry

Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back?

Fry

Leela, you have to get me out of here. It's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop where I stand like an animal in the zoo.

Leela

Animals go on the corner.

Fry

The corner! Why didn't I think of that?

Cubert

What? You've never seen a genius' wiener before?

Fry

Well, once in the park...

Cubert

Why do I have to be the hump?

Fry

Because you're too ugly to be a wart.

Fry

Come on, Leela! Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Leela

They've blown out one of our engines!

Fry

[fast] Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Leela

Only the Professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Fry

Try shocking him!

Bender

Your social security cheque is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Fry

Damn it, we'll have to fix the engine ourself.

Leela

We can't, you bastard! No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

Cubert

Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. [He lifts an access hatch and starts fiddling with some wires under the floor] The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

Bender

That's a complete load!

Cubert

Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. Right, Professor? [Farnsworth mumbles. Cubert closes the access panel] Let's ride!

Morgan Proctor

Why is there yogurt in this cap?

Fry

Uh, I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Leela

I'm having a poker game tonight with some of my old cryogenics lab coworkers. Would any of you like to join?

Bender

I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.

Fry

I'll play.

Bender

I'm in!

Bender

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

Fry

Quiet, Bender. You're scaring away the fish!

Bender

Fine, I'll head over to the other side.

Fry

I can't swallow that.

Professor Farnsworth

Well, then good news! It's a suppository.

Fry

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well I saw a real mermaid. And I wish for once my friends would have decency and kindness to believe me.

Leela

[whispers to Farnsworth] Ocean madness.

Prof. Farnsworth

He may have ocean madness, but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Prof. Farnsworth

Good Lord! That's over 5000 atmospheres of pressure!

Fry

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

Prof. Farnsworth

Well, it was built for space travel, so anywhere between zero and one.