Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Fry

It's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind, only I know what really went on out there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story.

Bender

And maybe someday I won't listen.

Amy

But the professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hovercar?

Fry

Wait. In my time we had a way of moving objects long distances without hovering.

Hermes

Impossible!

Fry

It was called... let me think... It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one... The wheel.

Leela

Never heard of it.

Prof. Farnsworth

Show us this "the wheel."

Prof. Farnsworth

Just the thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet.

Fry

Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.

Prof. Farnsworth

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall!

Fry

Let's bring back a few pocketfuls.

Bender

Better yet, let's take a whole Benderful.

Leela

No, take only what's necessary. Stuff the ship.

Linda

Tonight on Datenight: Popplers. Eating them. Is it alright to? We have with us the CEO of Fishy Joe's, Mr. "Fishy" Joseph Gilman. Noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall Jr. And the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Turanga Leela.

Fry

"Turanga"?

Amy

That's her name, Philip.

Bender

"Philip"?

Fry

Will you be my friend?

Bender

[holding his hand out to Fry] Put 'er there, pal. [Fry shakes his hand] I meant, your wallet.

Dr. Zoidberg

[sees a guinea pig on a plate] What's this? Two meals in one week?

Fry

Gotcha!

Amy

Sucker!

Dr. Zoidberg

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me!

Fry

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying, and we'll never even know why he came.

Bender

I'll tell you, with my final breath. I came here with a simple dream: a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real seven billion ton robot monster here? Not I. Not... I. [closes his eyes and dies]

Fry

What are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wienner?

Dr. Zoidberg

If that's his pizza, then I'm I.C. Whatever.

Fry

Hey, Stephen Hawking! Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity?

Stephen Hawking

Sure, why not?

Hey, Hawking, your pizza's ready.

Stephen Hawking

Toss it in the garbage. [Outside Panucci's Pizza. Fry locks up for the night and walks into an alley. From alley] There he is. Seize him.

Fry

[from alley] Who said that?!

Al Gore

I'm Al Gore, and these are my Vice Presidential Action Rangers, a group of top nerds who sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum.

Fry

I thought your duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate.

Al Gore

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution!

Stephen Hawking

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Fry

Destroyed? Then where are we now?

Al Gore

I don't know, but I dang well know where we're not: the universe.

Nichelle Nichols

Eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

Gary Gygax

Anyone wanna play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.

Fry

And then the battle's not so bad?

Oh right. I forgot about the battle. [whimpers]

Hermes

We think it's better if you don't know.

Bender

Oh, come on, I'm not gonna say it. Please? Oh, is it "please"?

Fry

Nope.

Bender

Hmm...words I never say...oh, I know: "Thanks"!

Leela

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world!

Bender

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funder-ful". Umm... "non-alcoholic"? "Compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing?" [lightning flashes, cuts to end credits] I'm alright!