Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Ross

Sorry your husband cheated on you.

Rachel

And I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women ain't that great either, huh?

Ross

Try telling my wife that.

Ross

I studied ka-ra-te for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.

Rachel

Isn't that a kind of sushi?

Ross

No, it's a concep--

Phoebe

Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel.

Ross

Okay, maybe it means that, too.

Phoebe

Now, we can kick anybody's ass!

Rachel

Yeah!

Ross

After one class? I don't think so.

Rachel

What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!

Ross

Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.

Rachel

Isn't that a kind of sushi?

Ross

No, it's a concept.

Phoebe

Yeah, it is! It is! It's freshwater eel.

Ross

All right, maybe it means that too.

Rachel

Ooh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.

Ross

Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!

Rachel

Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna switch. Please, come on, I can throw wet paper towels here.

Phoebe

No, but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink.

Rachel

It seemed my prom date had stood me up. So, selflessly, Ross offered to take me.

Elizabeth

What a sweet story!

Paul

So, Ross, you were in college, and you jumped at the opportunity to take a young girl to her high school prom?

Rachel

Wow! Did not see that one backfiring.

Rachel

I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.

Phoebe

That's easy! You just have to think of him as a -- as a jar of pickles that won't open.

Rachel

So, what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?

Phoebe

No, that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.

Monica

I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.

Rachel

What's the other one?

Monica

I don't know. I've never had to use the other one.

Ross

Hey, when we were married, you know what I never got? Uh, sex.

Rachel

Uh, yeah, well, no ring, no sex- big surprise.

Phoebe

Get me a musket and we'll talk.

Rachel

Phoebe! You picked Joey AND Ross! You cannot have two backups!

Phoebe

Of course I can. It's just good sense to back up your backup. Look, I've already lost Chandler.

Rachel

Oh, no honey -- we weren't trying to steal your thunder, honest. No one was meant to see!

Monica

Right, now I get it. That's why you two were kissing in the secret hallway where nobody ever goes!

Rachel

What happened at dinner?

Monica

My parents spent the money for our wedding.

Phoebe

My...what did you order?

Joey

Look at this clown. Just 'cause he got a bigger boat, he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?

Rachel

That is the Coast Guard.

Joey

What are they doing out here? The coast is way over there.

Rachel

Hey, look, look. Phoebe's talking to "Cute Coffeehouse Guy."

Ross

You guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy? We call him "Hums While He Pees."

Chandler

Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom."

Phoebe

[walks in] Hey, you guys -- "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out!

Phoebe

You have no idea how amazing she is..

Joey

No idea ? Who do you think brought her here ?

Rachel

Cupid !

Phoebe

Joey, She is so cool, she speaks 4 languages.

Joey

Man, Do you know what guys want ?

Joey

The question, Rachel, is this: does he like you? Otherwise, it's just a moo point.

Rachel

Uh, Joe -- a moo point?

Joey

You know, like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. It's moo.

Rachel

Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?