Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Joey

Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies. And you know about Naked Thursdays, right?

Rachel

Yeah, yeah. I think I'm gonna find my own place.

Chandler

Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!

Phoebe

So, my reading was wrong - I'm not gonna die!

Monica

How do you know?

Phoebe

Because my psychic's dead! She must have read it wrong.

Rachel

Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry.

Phoebe

Hey, better her than me. Ooh! Let's bake cookies!

Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?

Rachel

Yes, your honor, and here are... are forms, all filled out.

So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.

Ross

Fine, I'm mentally unstable.

And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.

Ross

What?!

Rachel

Uh, yes, heroin and crack.

Ross

Crack isn't even an intravenous drug!

Rachel

Well, you would know.

Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?

Ross

Oh, come on!

Rachel

Ross, please, I found the magazines!

And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin...

Rachel

You know what else I'm not gonna miss? [mockingly] "I'm Monica. I wash the toilet seventeen times a day, even if people are on it!"

Monica

"Hi, I'm Rachel. Is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I better wash it and shrink it!"

Rachel

"I'm Monica. I don't get phone messages from interesting people, ever.

Phoebe

Hey, I call her.

Monica

"Oh my, I love Ross, I hate Ross! I love Ross, I hate Ross!

Rachel

"Oh my...! I can't find a boyfriend, so I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!"

Phoebe

Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. [she pulls out a drawer and dumps the entire contents into the box

Rachel

[Referring to her boss Kim] She doesn't like me very much.

Chandler

That's great. Because my boss doesn't like me either.

Monica

My boss doesn't like me either.

Ross

Maybe it's like a universal thing.

Joey

Or maybe because you're all hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.

[In chorus] Let's get off to work...

Joey

You're gonna cook something?

Rachel

Hey, I cook!

Chandler

Offering people gum is not cooking.

Monica

Dad, you know that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys, Ross did.

Ross

Yea, well Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did.

Monica

Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

Ross

Monica and Chandler are living together!

Monica

Ross married Rachel in Vegas, and got divorced, AGAIN!

Phoebe

I love Jacques Cousteau!

Rachel

I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!

Joey

I wanna gooooo!

Judy

That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds. All right, Joey, if you wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.

Jack

And we kinda figured about the porch swing.

Ross

And that's the story of the dreidel. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolizing life's triumph over death. And that was, like, four thousand years ago.

Rachel

So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.

Phoebe

[finds a bag under the couch] Oh! We have a large one!

Rachel

It's a Macy's bag!

Phoebe

[turns it over and an old shoe falls out] Ooh! Who's it for?

Rachel

[reads note attached to shoe] "Dear losers, do you really think I would hide presents under the couch? P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you."

Phoebe

Uh oh. I think she may be on to us.

Rachel

OK, fine! I'll just tell Phoebe it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh, look at this! Little drawers! Oh look, look, it says that it holds... three hundred CDs!

Chandler

Ahhh, just like the apothecary tables of yore.

Ross

You know what I think?... She's weird. It's because she's a twin. Twins are weird.

Rachel

Ross, she is not weird. She just likes her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.

Ross

You know what's not one-of-a-kind? A twin!

Rachel

That's Joey.

Joey

How you doin ?

Rachel

DON'T !!!!!

Rachel

Honey ! What did you do that bad that make dad cut you off ?

Okay.. I bought a boat.

Phoebe

You bought a boat ?

Yeah. It wasn't for me. It was for a friend.

Chandler

Boy ! Did we make friends with wrong sister ?

Joey

You sick bastards.

Rachel

It's a tattoo. That's weird, Pheebs...wait, that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe, that's Ursula!

Joey

Wait! Wait! Then I can watch that. Rewind it! Rewind it!

Phoebe

Hey, what's up? Oh, my...! What am I doing?!

Rachel

Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.

[Looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?!


Phoebe

No, Barry and Mindy.

Oh, sorry. I hear "divorce," I immediately go to Ross.