Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Joey

What are you doin'?

Rachel

Moving a chair so I can have a place to sit?

Joey

No, no, Rosita does not move.

Rachel

As in... what?

Joey

As in... Rosita does not move!

Rachel

Why not?

Joey

'Cause she is in the equal distance from the kitchen to the bathroom, and she is at the perfect angle so that no glare is comin' off Stevie.

Rachel

Stevie, the TV?

Joey

Is there a problem?

Rachel

Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! You know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love.

Ross

Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.

Rachel

Yeah.

Joey

How'd you get over that teacher?

Rachel

I didn't. I got under him.

Joey

Problem solved.

Phoebe

Okay it just seems a little wild and you're so... vanilla.

Rachel

Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I've done lots of crazy things. I mean I got drunk and married in Vegas.

Phoebe

To Ross.

Ross

You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.

Rachel

Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.

Rachel

Listen -- y'know what, sir? For the last time, I don't care what the computer says. We did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!

Joey

[arriving] Hey!

Phoebe

Oh! Joey, were you in our room last night?

Joey

No. [Phoebe gives the bill to Joey. Joey turns to the concierge.] I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!

Ross

Well, yeah, I think we should get married.

Rachel

Why? Because that's your answer to everything?

Ross

Come on, I mean, you don't even like eating alone. How are you gonna raise a baby on your own?

Rachel

I DO SO eat alone!

Ross

When?

Rachel

When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!

Ross

I don't know why you don't just admit it.

Rachel

Oh, please! You inhale your food!

Ross

I grew up with Monica! You didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!

Rachel

Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.

Ross

And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.

Rachel

[on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?

Rachel

Okay, get ready to see some begging.

Phoebe

Oh, you came on to Ross.

Rachel

What?

Ross

Now I'm so happy.

Rachel

What are you talking about?

Monica

You used the Europe story.

Chandler

That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!

Rachel

How do you know about that story?!

Joey

How do you know about that story?!

Rachel

I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.

Joey

[raising hand] Some guy!

Rachel

No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.

Joey

[again] Ken Adams!

Rachel

Monica, we need more candy.

Monica

What? There's only been like 4 kids!

Rachel

Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.

Phoebe

No wonder you're pregnant.

Chandler

Monica, can I talk to you for a second? [approaches Monica] I really appreciate you getting me the costume!

Rachel

You did this to him?

Monica

I thought he'd love it! His favourite book was The Velveteen Rabbit.

Chandler

That rabbit was brown and white!

Monica

It was a pink bunny or no bunny at all.

Chandler

No bunny at all! ALWAYS NO BUNNY AT ALL!

Rachel

I got TiVo!

What's TiVo?

Phoebe

It's slang for pregnant.

Monica

Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.

Joey

What?

Monica

Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.

Joey

Phoebe!

Phoebe

Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals!

Joey

No, they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious! Besides, eating them is a tradition. It goes back to the very first Thanksgiving when the Indians sat down with the cowboys!

Rachel

Oh, right, that's when they had that big rodeo at Plymouth Rock!

Monica

It's not just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry!

Joey

She is?

Rachel

Yeah! Don't you remember? I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?

Joey

Yeah, but I thought it was just because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table!

Monica

It just doesn't seem worth it to make an entire turkey for just three people, okay? It's a lot of work!

Joey

But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving with no turkey is like 4th of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!

Monica

All right, fine, if it means that much to you! But there's gonna be a ton left over!

Joey

No, there won't! I promise, I will finish that turkey!

Monica

Okay, you're telling me that you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?

Joey

That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani, and this is what we do! We may be not great thinkers, or world leaders, we don't read a lot, or run very fast... but damn it, we can eat!

Joey

Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew! [wipes his forehead] There come the meat sweats. [Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.]

Monica

Well, Joey, we're all... we're all very proud of you.

Chandler

Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now.

Phoebe

Is there anything we can do for you?

Joey

No, just nobody press on my stomach.

Rachel

You can keep those pants, by the way.

Joey

Whoa--hey--wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?

Monica

Yeah. You want some?

Joey

Ah, just cut me a little sliver.

Joey

A little bigger.

Joey

Little bigger.

Joey

What? Are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece!

Phoebe

How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?

Rachel

He's talking to the baby.

Phoebe

Oh! Okay! Okay, 'cause when -- when he said "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick!"

Joey

Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Ross if you had to, who would you punch?

Rachel

No one, they are my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.

Joey

Chandler?

Rachel

Yeah, but I don't know why.

Ross

What about "Ruth"?

Rachel

I'm sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?