Scenes with Julius Rock 112
Julius Let me in.
Julius That is the smell of a working man.
No, that is the smell of Aquaman.
Julius Rochelle, open the door.
No. Look, baby, I understand that this job brings you more free time and more money, but I can't take it anymore! The kids can't breathe! I cannot sleep at night! Do you not know that I'm at that Laundromat every day? I've been burnin' so much incense, ten people came by here tryin' to buy reggae albums!
[in a Jamaican accent] Hey, 'mon!
Julius What you want me to do?
Julius I can't just quit! What kind of example would that be for the kids? Huh? Did Thurgood Marshall quit? Did Frederick Douglass quit? Did Booker T. Washington quit?
I don't know and I don't care. All I know is I want you to quit!
Julius What about takin' the kids to Great Escape? Huh?
We don't wanna go nowhere with you.
[Rochelle drops a bag of clean clothes down to Julius]
Julius What's this?
Julius Where am I supposed to change?
I don't know. Why don't you ask them cats?
[Julius looks down, where a lot of cats are licking his feet]
For free my father would let me learn almost anything.
Julius What are you doing?
Taking "How to Knock Off a Liquor Store" lessons.
Julius How much does it cost?
Julius Go ahead.
My father has gotten tickets from Risky before: for the Ali-Frazier fight at Madison Square Garden.
Julius What happened? Who's down? What happened?
He got him tickets to see Patti LaBelle at Lincoln Center.
Julius What's she wearin'? Has she thrown her shoe yet?
I got Patti's shoe! I got Patti's shoe! Smell it! Smell it! Yeah Patti, I love you girl! Whoo!
It wasn't the first time our parents couldn't go somewhere because one of us got sick.
Julius I got a coupon for a free dinner!
Julius I got Michael Jackson tickets!
Oh, I'll call the sitter.
Julius We just won a trip to Miami!
Ooh! I'm gonna go get packed!
Ma, I think I broke my neck.
I tried to imagine doin' the things that Greg talked about with my father, like bringin' him Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe.
Julius Are you crazy? Well you better get me some bacon!
I thought about takin' my dad to the zoo to see some penguins.
Julius We're payin' $3.50 to see a bird that can't fly? What you gonna show me next, rats that don't eat cheese?
My father hated seeming weak. He wouldn't admit to have a headache if he had a hatchet in his head.
Julius, you are not fine, OK? You're sick.
Julius I'm fine.
No you're not. You're sick.
Julius I'm good.
Julius I'm OK.
No, you're trying to die.
Julius I'm good, OK? Everything, good.
The only time my dad ever brought something new home was when it was old to everybody else.
I asked for a sewing machine. What the hell is this?
Julius A loom.
Julius A stove.
If that's the stove, where's the witch? I asked for a car. What the hell is this?
Julius A rickshaw. That's Rick.
[Julius is getting ready to sit down to a bowl of popcorn, a few cases of beer, and to watch "The Young & The Restless".] While I was hoping I'd never see Malvo again, my father couldn't wait to see "The Young & The Restless" again.
Julius Here we go. [He hits the play button on the remote to the Betamax.]
W Woman
Stay tuned for "The Young & The Restless."
Julius [He picks up a beer, but before he can drink his beer, he ends up seeing a cartoon, with which Tonya has erased "The Young & The Restless". He puts his beer down.] [to the camera; raising his voice] What the... ? Cartoons?!?!? Who recording cartoons over my "Young & The Restless"?!?!?
My father could've spanked Tonya or grounded her until she was grown, but he said something that made her feel worse than all of that.
Julius I'm really disappointed in you.
[Tonya is dressed as a geisha]
Father, I have brought disgrace to myself and to our family. [gets out a belt]
Julius Tonya, no!
Leave me now, Father. I must whup myself until you can find it in your heart to forgive me. [whips herself repeatedly]
Julius You're supposed to get a hundred. You don't get a prize for doing well.
My father never rewarded good behavior.
Julius You're supposed to clean the tub. It's your dirt ring.
Hey Dad, I fixed the heater.
Julius You're supposed to fix the heater. You're the one who likes it warm.
Hey Dad, I slaughtered a pig.
Julius You're supposed to slaughter a pig. You're the one who likes bacon.
My father and Michael didn't get along because whatever my father said, my uncle said the opposite.
[Julius and Michael are at a car dealership]
Julius I like the Ford.
M Michael
I like the Chevy.
[Julius and Michael are at an art museum]
Julius I wanna look at Picasso.
M Michael
I wanna look at Matisse.
[Julius and Michael are having beer]
Julius Hmm, tastes great!
After talking to Greg, I imagined what my father would say to me.
Julius So you just gonna quit, huh? All these people who made it possible for you to become the first black class president, and now you just gonna quit?
TA Tuskegee Airman
Yeah. And what if we quit? Black people would never have become pilots.
J Aunt Jemima
If I had quit, pancakes would taste like crap.
CW Cream of Wheat Man
If I had quit, Cream of Wheat would've been called "Cream of White!"
B Uncle Ben
If I had quit, it would take hours to cook rice.
Hey, Dad. Can we take a break?
Julius Did Martin Luther King, Jr. take a break? Did Moses take a break? Did Gandhi take a break?
He took a break from eatin'!
Narrator: That Mac and Cheese looked how my father felt.
(After Julius looks at the burnt Mac and Cheese) That's your mother's recipe?
Julius How come you didn't wake me up?
Because you woke me up at 5:00 in the morning. What are you going to do with this Mac and Cheese?
Julius I sent Chris down to get some more.
You sent Chris down to look for Macaroni and Cheese on Thanksgiving? That's like trying to find candles on Hanukkah.
Julius Well, don't worry about it. Look, I'll start on the turkey and finish the cobbler.
Well, where are you going to cook the Mac and Cheese?
Julius In the oven.
Julius What are you talking about?
The turkey's gonna take five hours at 300 degrees, the mac and cheese is gonna take two hours at 320 degrees, then the cobbler's gonna take 45 minutes at 425 degrees. You've already lost two hours' worth of Three Mile Island here, so I'd say we'll be eating dinner around about 1:30 in the morning. That's if nothing goes wrong.
My mother was bad at math, except when it came to multiplying my father's headaches.
Is that burnt mac 'n cheese?
Julius Yeah. Why?
It's just the way I like it!
He wants that blackaroni, 'cause he's on that crackaroni.
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Everybody Hates Chris · 729 quotes
Julius
