Greg Wuliger quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Greg

I'm gonna go beat up some nerds. Have fun at your bake-off!

Greg

Dude, you hit me with a car, broke my leg, and then made me lie to the cops. I think the least you can do is give me some OJ.

Greg

Whenever you're ready, I'll be ready.

Greg

You're definitely not in there.

Tonya

Bye, Chris. Don't tell any lies when you get to heaven.

Drew

Hey Chris, can I have your comic books?

Julius

That's a $2 pair underwear you're messin' in.

Caruso

Rest in peace, Toby.

Greg

Am I going to have to call Child Protective Services on you?

Narrator

At least I didn't dangle my egg over a balcony like Michael Jackson!

Greg

[about Ms. Morello] She went on a trip to Africa to help fight off an outbreak of yellow fever.

Narrator

It was more like she went to Harlem to fight off an outbreak of jungle fever.

Greg

I was up all night packing for everything you might need. I've got peanut butter sandwiches in case we get hungry, I've got some wet naps in case we get sticky from the peanut butter sandwiches, I brought a compass in case we get lost, some extra water, Rolaids, aspirin, a travelling toothbrush...

Chris

Greg, we're going to the movies, not Gilligan's Island.

Narrator

If we did, Greg would've gotten with Mrs. Howell.

What are you doing here?

Greg

I'm an octoroon.

Narrator

In that case, only one-eighth of him should be off from school.

Greg

Isn't Chrissy a girl's name?

Chris

It's a black thing.

Greg

I hate cursing. My father used to call my mother number 4 all the time, then she'd call him number 5 and they'd go back and forth like that. 5, 4, 2, 1, 7, then they'd end up on number 3.

Narrator

Greg was an early adapter of "too much information."

Greg

It's like that movie, "The Birds!"

Narrator

Except with cats.

Chris

How are you gonna follow someone with a fake mustache and a Hawaiian shirt and expect them not to notice you?

Greg

Works for Magnum P.I.

Chris

Number one, Tom Selleck is a 45-year-old man. Two, he wears Hawaiian shirts in Hawaii. There, they're just shirts. It's like Chinese food in China.

Greg

Nothing could be further from the truth. There's Mandarin, Cantonese, Szechuan, my favorite, Hunan, Shanghai...

Narrator

The hardest thing about planning revenge is figuring out how far to go.

Greg

How's Operation Get Revenge On Caruso going?

Chris

Not bad, but I'm changing the operation name to He Can Hear You, Stupid.

Greg

What's that?

Chris

It's my revenge list. I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it.

Greg

You could toilet-paper his house.

Chris

Too dangerous.

Greg

You could egg him on the way home.

Chris

Too obvious.

Greg

Put Ex-Lax in his hot chocolate.

Chris

Too typical.

Greg

I settled on being an astronaut. I'm... I'm wearing a diaper.

Mr. Abbott

A diaper? You mean, you wanna fly a rocket, but you're still gonna pee in your pants?

Greg

Well, they don't make you do it, but I wanted to see if I could take it.

Mr. Abbott

Nobody could take it, Greg. Now, get the funk outta my office.

Greg

What are you doing?

Chris

Moving [my dad's car] to the other side of the street.

Narrator

Or to the other side of the borough.