Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Narrator

You would think a guy that gets his ass kicked every day wouldn't leave the house wearing tights.

Narrator

My mother would never hire anyone she thought was irresponsible. But irresponsible people don't tell you they're irresponsible. 'Cause they're irresponsible!

Narrator

We didn't know if it was his baby either, but trust me: Ain't no black man pickin' up a baby that ain't his.

Narrator

Tonya's so difficult, the only reason she's a girl is because my father wanted a boy.

Narrator

If you had a Walkman, you could even listen to bad music, and no one would know . . . unless you were dumb enough to sing along.

Narrator

In the game of Dare, there are no rules, there are no regulations, and the game doesn't end 'til somebody's dead.

Narrator

Valentine's Day makes most people think of flowers and candy, but it reminded me of the gangland massacre in Chicago.

Narrator

In Bed-Stuy, a lot of people have reputations for different things. Deidre Garfield was 23 and had a reputation for being the youngest grandmother in Brooklyn. Mr. Jackson had a reputation for being crazy as hell, but a lot of people say he invented homelessness. I had a reputation, too: not only for being a nerd or getting beat up every day, I was also known for being the best Asteroids player in Bed-Stuy.

Narrator

That's my Aunt Charlotte, but we called her Grievey because we only saw her at funerals. No birthdays, no weddings... just funerals.

Narrator

After getting put down by Keisha and stood up by Yvette, I was through having crushes on girls in the neighborhood, and I meant it.

Narrator

Didn't Ghostbusters already catch the Holy Ghost?

Narrator

[about Tasha] She was screaming like the mouse had a gun.

Narrator

Tasha Clarkson was the new girl next door. Unlike just about every other girl in the neighborhood, she didn't hate me.

Narrator

Malvo was the neighborhood's repeat offender. He always committed crimes. He always got caught. And he always got out. When "Shawshank Redemption" came out, Malvo thought it was a comedy.

Narrator

The next year Drew got a Yankees jersey that said "Mezzie Mackson."