Mr. Omar quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Mr. Omar

I know you lost your man, Mrs. Roberts, but with a body like that, I know Santa's gonna bring you another.

Narrator

It seemed like everyone had advice for raising a baby.

Kill Moves

You need to teach this boy how to protect himself. Now, I suggest the Brazilian two-finger neck snap! Want me to show you how it works?

Mr. Omar

Teach the baby to honor the mother and the father, and if the father should meet a tragic death, the baby shouldn't be upset if the mother makes friends with a nice man.

[off-screen] Omar, I need more bubbles!

Mr. Omar

Gotta go.

Risky

Teach this baby the difference between the knock-offs and the real thing. For instance, "Gucci" does not have an "H" in it.

Monk

Ask anybody. They'll tell you. You can always hang out with your daddy. Go to the movie.

Jerome

Go to the game, man. You know if my father wasn't in jail, that's what I'd do.

Mr. Omar

Yeah, go to the game, but whatever you do, don't sit behind home plate. My father was killed by a line drive to the medulla oblongata. Tragic!

Risky

Go to the game. My father never took me 'cause I was a test tube baby. Want some peanuts?

Kill Moves

Why don't you and the girl go see a movie about the game that your father's goin' to?

Mr. Omar

Drainada?

Julius

That's right. The Spanish Drano.

Narrator

Doesn't Drano already sound Spanish?

Julius

You ever heard of a Puerto Rican with a plugged-up sink?

Mr. Omar

No.

Julius

OK.

Narrator

It's just hittin' Mr. Omar that maybe he did know a Puerto Rican with a plugged-up sink.

Mr. Omar

I don't think duct tape is gonna fix that, Mr. Julius. Why don't you just call a plumber?

Julius

For $25 an hour? I don't think so.

Chris

What time is it?

Mr. Omar

8:45.

Narrator

8:45 was a quarter past late as hell.

Mr. Omar

There's some videos over there you're welcome to watch. I've got Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Dead Zone, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, Death in Venice, Death Wish, Love and Death, Murder by Death, and Ososhiki a.k.a. Death, Japanese Style.

Chris

Cool, thanks.

Narrator

Turns out Mr. Omar only had one movie that wasn't about death: Richard Pryor: Live in Concert.

Mr. Omar

With Himelfarb in office, everything will fall naturally into place.

Rochelle

OVER MY DEAD BODY!

Mr. Omar

That would be tragic, but if it were to happen, you can rest assured I'll give Mr. Julius a nice discount.

Mr. Omar

What kinda councilman got people campaignin' for him hollerin' outta windows? Vote for Himelfarb!

Rochelle

How you gonna vote for somebody if you can't even spell their name?! Vote Johnson!

Mr. Omar

We can't spell his name, 'cause Johnson ruined the schools. Vote Himelfarb! When I say "Himel," you say "Farb!" Himel!

Farb!

Mr. Omar

Himel!

Farb!

Rochelle

Well, at least Johnson ain't locked outta his own damn house! When I say "Locked," you say "Out!" Locked!

Out!

Rochelle

Locked!

Out!

Rochelle

That's what he is!

Mr. Omar

What's wrong with y'all? You look like the Grinch stole your Christmas.

Julius

We're not celebratin' Christmas this year. We're celebratin' Kwanzaa.

Drew

Yeah, we're tired of being consumed by this capitalistic nation's mindless consumerism.

Mr. Omar

Tragic.

Drew

Maybe we can bring somebody.

Rochelle

Wait a minute. This sounds like a nice place. We can't just bring somebody.

Narrator

We thought about bringin' Vanessa.

Vanessa

I dated a French guy once. I can't stand French food. I mean, hors d'oeuvres. Who wants a piece of liver on a toothpick? [to a waiter] You got any chimichangas?

Narrator

We thought about Jerome.

Jerome

Excuse me, garçon, can we get some more silverware?

I just put some out.

Jerome

I don't know what happened to it. [it is then revealed that he stole some silverware]

Narrator

We even thought about Mr. Omar.

Rochelle

Oh, my God! He's chokin'! Help him!

Mr. Omar

Hold on! There's nothing we can do.

But he's still choking! [her husband dies]

Mr. Omar

Not anymore. Tragic!

Mr. Omar

If you know of any young men who would like to learn about the wonderful world of death, this scholarship is worth $250.

Narrator

Sounds like ticket money to me!

Mr. Omar

The lady I'm seein' likes to do things by the numbers. I was waitin' on 800. She had a special surprise for me at 800, and you ruined it!

Narrator

The surprise was, she was a man.

Drew

Isn't that kinda weird?

Mr. Omar

Isn't that kinda none of your business?

Mr. Omar

Don't you already have two jobs? You want another one?

Narrator

That's like asking Amy Winehouse if she wants another drink.