Doc Harris quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Doc

Minimum wage. Shoot. There was a time when the maximum wage for black folks was zero.

Doc

They... they let you out?

Malvo

Yeah. I got time off for good behavior.

Narrator

That's like letting the Devil outta Hell.

Doc

You're looking for Macaroni and Cheese on Thanksgiving? That's like trying to find candles on Hanukkah.

Chris

Well, I did make the Mac and Cheese, but I burnt it.

Doc

Some of this material is a little blue.

Chris

Blue?

Doc

Yeah, filthy, so if you hear something you ain't supposed to hear, turn it off.

Narrator

Don't be so strict, old man!

Doc

I dated all the pretty women in Syracuse.

Narrator

Both of 'em.

Doc

Then I dated all the pretty women in Albany.

Narrator

Now we're up to three.

Doc

Then I dated all the pretty women in Pittsburgh.

Narrator

OK, we're back at two.

Narrator

I decided on an ultimatum.

Chris

Doc, listen. I come in on time and I never leave early. I work hard, so I deserve minimum wage. And if you're not gonna give me a raise, I'm gonna have to leave. It's a matter of principles.

Doc

Is that an ultimatum?

Narrator

Well, is it?

Chris

Yeah.

Sir, are you hiring?

Doc

Well, am I?

Narrator

People found the idea of getting food delivered in Bed-Stuy unbelievable.

Doc

Delivery in Bed-Stuy. Unbelievable!

Doc

Get that bottle of whisky for me.

Narrator

At least he didn't ask me for a box of tissues.

Doc

Stacy said it's over, called me every name in the book.

Narrator

You can never find that book in the library.