A character in Corner Gas
Played by Eric Peterson
Corner Gas · 223 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Corner Gas: in 72 of its 223 quotes
Most scenes with: Emma (25), Brent (23), Wanda (9)
Well why can't you do that yourself? Did some fictional hooligan steal your make-believe ladder?
OscarIt's against the rules. We can each take ten grand, that's it. That's the rules. Without rules nothing makes sense.
With rules this makes no sense.
OscarCanada has more Ukrainians than any other country except one. Can you guess which one?
The Ukraine?
OscarYeah, it's the Ukraine!
Oscar! I think I just met The Littlest Hobo!
OscarHow tall was he? Did he ask you for money?
No, no, no, from the TV show. You know, Canada's Lassie? "There's a voice keeps on calling me …."
OscarA hobo is calling you?
No, Hobo's the dog.
OscarA dog is calling you?
No, the voice is calling the dog.
OscarThe dog hears voices!?
OscarThat's probably because you hooked your hard drive into the protocol, and using bits to spamming up the Internet
How are we ever going to tell when you actually do lose your mind?
People who use these plates usually have something wrong with them—more wrong with them.
OscarWho cares? Now we can park close to things.
Where are we, Manhattan? We always park close to things.
OscarGotta think ahead.
Try thinking period.
OscarThat crazy old bird next door has trolls!
What do you mean, trolls?
OscarThere's trolls on her lawn, first it was that stupid flamingo and then the frog with the butterfly in its mouth!
Oh, the lawn ornaments! I thought you meant she was possessed or something.
OscarThey're all over the place! Swans and donkeys and castles and gnomes, and now trolls! It's like a stupid circus!
Gnomes and trolls, that'd be a good circus.
OscarWhy can't we have normal neighbours?
Cuz you always frighten them away.
OscarI'm gonna have to do something about this.
Promise me it'll be something stupid.
OscarYou sure told that wingnut a thing or two.
I don't appreciate being called a thief.
OscarShe called me a thief too.
You are a thief. If she just called you a thief, she and I would be having tea right now.
[comes into the room] Where did I leave my sandwich? Oh there it is.
OscarThat's your sandwich?
Yeah, I left it there when I went to get my milk. You didn't think Gnome Oscar made himself a sandwich, did you?
OscarDon't be ridiculous, and don't call it Gnome Oscar.
I don't know why we can't hire somebody to fix the roof.
OscarI can do it myself. It's just a roof, not rocket surgery.
Well at least get somebody to help who knows what he's doing, instead of dorkus (referring to Davis).
[wearing kneepads on his hands] Hey these kneepads are like hats for little elves.
When you fall off the roof, try not to land on anything important
This one's broken. [referring to a toy that's in a community donation box]
Let's sing Christmas carols.
Who would give a broken toy to a needy child?
You mean a cheap child.
OscarIt's one of those motor goats; his head's come off. [chuckles]
I think if you look in the neck hole, you'll see there's a twenty in there.
[singing] Joy to the world, the Lord has come …
[to Lacey] I can see what you mean about the weird stuff reminding you.
Award of Excellence? They don't have that in the Olympics.
OscarOh believe me, I tried.
OscarA monkey could've suggested a better gift. Not a deaf one either, just any old monkey.
You people are obssessed with monkeys. A spa day is a great gift. A years supply of bananas, that's the monkey gift.
OscarYou really dropped the ball on this one.
A old tire hanging from a rope that's a monkey gift. Spa day great gift.
OscarWell Emma hated it!
I know.
OscarYou know nothing! [calmly] So what do I get her?
That's it? That's the fight?
[Davis is bugging Oscar about the hole in his muffler.]
OscarA porcupine died for that hole, buddy boy!
Don't make this about the porcupine!
OscarUngrateful ungrates!
Ingrates. I think that's ingrates.
OscarIngrateful ingrates!
OscarIt's like Africa in here. It's like a sauna. It's like a Sauna in Africa!
Oh, It's imperceptible.
OscarWell I percept it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Corner Gas pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
