Oscar quotes from Corner Gas

Oscar

That dumb cat is stuck up our tree again! Something must have scared it.

Emma

Maybe you shooting at it.

Oscar

Dumb animal, driving me crazy.

Emma

So? I don't shoot you.

Oscar

You're about to watch yourself lose a customer!

I let you play here for free.

Oscar

Not any more you don't.

Oscar

Here.

Emma

What's this?

Oscar

The shelf you asked for, for your recipe books. It took me a while.

Emma

When did I ask for a shelf? Wait. I asked for this when Brent was a kid.

Oscar

Like I say, it took a while.

Emma

What are you building next, that change table for the nursery?

Oscar

I'm gettin' to it.

Emma

Why do you clutter up the house with junk?

Oscar

It's a hobby.

Emma

Get a new hobby.

Oscar

Fine. I'll go for a walk somewhere I'm appreciated.

Emma

That'll be a long walk.

Karen

I'm looking for my footbag.

Oscar

It's called a sock, Einstein!

Oscar

Who leaves a pair of pants by the side of the road?

Brent

That is weird. Picking up a stranger's pants and carrying 'em around all day, that's perfectly normal.

Oscar

Can't just leave 'em there, that's pants, be a waste. Waste of pants.

Wanda

Nobody likes pant waste.

Brent

Yeez I hope it's not genetic.

Wanda

Are you kidding? You're getting more like him every day.

Brent

Oh don't be a jackass!

Brent

A broken pipe?

Emma

I dunno how it happened.

Oscar

[trying to fix the broken pipe] Probably his fault, all those damn showers he took when he was a kid.

Brent

Well, can't Dad fix it?

Emma

What do you think?

Brent

Well how the hell did it get bent like that?

Oscar

How should I know? Looks like the work of an orangutan.

Brent

Really? That's your prime suspect?

Karen

Oscar, do you have any liquid dish soap?

Oscar

Lickey disco?

Brent

Wanda, will you come with me?

Wanda

You rented Jerry Maguire last night, didn't you?

Brent

Yeah, I forgot to bring it back too, but regardless will you come with me?

Wanda

I don't know, Brent...

Brent

Bear in mind, I sign your paycheck.

Wanda

Fine, I'll join your new team.

Oscar

Aahhh.

Brent

Yes, thank you Wanda, you won't regret this.

Wanda

Yeah yeah, you complete me.

Oscar

Strategies! There's no strategy in curling, you just throw rocks.

Brent

Maybe that's why our team record with you as skip is...Wanda?

Wanda

Oh, uh … Two wins, eighty seven losses, one tie.

Wanda

The wins were by default, and the tie was against Mrs. Carter's Grade Three class.

Oscar

You gotta stop living in the past.

Emma

Does that mean we can finally get a digital clock?

Oscar

Sure, if you want to blow 800 bucks.

Emma

Idiot.

Oscar

What's all the racket? I can hear you clear across town!

Brent

You can hear us two blocks away?

Oscar

Back in the '70s, I wrote a tune called Mona the Monkey. Next thing you know, I turn on the radio and there's Earl the Squirrel.

Karen

That's not exactly what we in the police business call "hard evidence".

Davis

It's not even soft evidence.

Oscar

Mona the Monkey? Earl the Squirrel?

Lacey

Casper the Ghost. Dennis the Menace.

Karen

Tony the Tiger.

Davis

Winnie the Pooh.

Lacey

Soup of the Day.

Oscar

You're all smart. Maybe Tony the Pooh doesn't know when he's being ripped off, ever think about that?

Lacey

Maybe just a half cup for you today.

Brent

That's right, Wes is nuts. This coming from a guy who once punched a skunk.

Oscar

He had it comin'.

Oscar

You just bought $10,000 worth of stocks in 20 seconds. Congratulations: You're the stupidest man in the world!

Hank

Oh yeah? Let's see you do it faster!

Oscar

Fast is not the point. You have to know what you're investing in. Study the numbers.

Lacey

Hank, your cousin just called, he said 11 bucks.

Hank

[laughs]

Oscar

Gimme a thousand of this one, … uh … a thousand of this one, uhh … uhh … and two thousand of these.