I'm saying, you're a football player. It's in your blood!
TTroy
That's racist.
Your soul.
TTroy
That's racist.
Your eyes?
TTroy
That's gay?
That's homophobic.
TTroy
That's black.
That's racist.
TTroy
Damn.
TTroy
Hip, hop, body don't stop. Riverside got the broom, don't need a mop. Put your team in the box, put a ribbon on top, we're not John Kerry 'cause we don't flip-flop.
Troy, why are you doing our politically conservative high school's shamefully outdated fight rap?
. . .
TBTroy Barnes
Bing, bong, sing along. Your team's Al Gore 'cause your views are wrong.
[approaching the study group] Hi, everybody. Well, look at this group, having some kind of meeting and being so diverse. There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there?
Well, we are missing a pipsqueak, but we don't want one, so beat it.
Troy isn't interested in football anymore. Getting injured in that keg stand was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Whoa! Yoko Ono much? Bro's before ho's, Troy.
Now, let's meet the minimum requiremnts for a language credit, shall we?
[Shirley is upset that Britta won't go to the bathroom with her]
What, she's offended?
Girls go in groups. Did you learn nothing from stand up comedy in the nineties?
[commenting on Jeff and Britta's argument] Will they or won't they? Sexual tension.
Abed, it makes the group uncomfortable when you talk about us like we're characters in a show you're watching.
Well, that's sort of my gimmick, but we did lean on that pretty hard last week. I can lay low for an episode.
[to Jeff, about convincing Troy to play football] I think if you said jump, he'd say, "How high?" If you said stop, he'd say, "Hammer time."
You ever miss being a quarterback, Troy?
TTroy
I miss being the best at something. I miss having a coach. I miss knowing what to think.
You still know what to think, Troy.
TTroy
Oh, good.
For instance, after the Dean talked to you about football, you and I were thinking the same thing.
TTroy
That dude looks like Moby?
We were thinking, "What if Troy did play for Greendale?" You'd be surprised at how many of your favorite football players got started at community college.
TTroy
Really? Name one.
Who's your favorite player?
TTroy
Me. Whoa!
Let me tell you a little secret about me, Troy. Every day on my way to school, I drive through downtown, past the courthouse, just to get a glimpse of the world I once ruled, and I just want to jump out of my car, run up the steps, and exploit the legal system for profit, but I can't. I'm locked out of my old kingdom. You're not. You see what I'm saying?
TTroy
[nodding] You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Annie said that Benjamin Button was compelling. Look, she's a smart girl, but sometimes she's just wrong!
TTroy
How did you know my nickname was T-Bone?
Because you're a football player, and your name begins with 'T'.
[on designing a politically correct school mascot] We are developing the perfect mascot. No stereotypical identifiers from any race or gender.
See, Jeff, this is a chart of the features we're staying away from. Pan-Asian eye folds, Irish chins, women's breasts.
[noticing a chart of skin colors] Is that Seal?
That is our human color wheel. It goes from Seal to Seal's teeth.
What do you think?
I think that not being racist is the new racism.
Dean, I'm going to get some more coffee. You want anything?
Oh, yeah. A Desmond Tutu, with just enough cream to make it a Lou Diamond Phillips.
A La Bamba, got it.
[over PA system] A few quick announcements. Announcement number one: All announcements will be cool starting right now.
TTroy
Announcement number two: Butt soup!
Announcement number three: I am not Hadji from Johnny Quest.
TTroy
On security news: You guys gotta start locking the Dean's door so guys like us don't get in.
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