Troy quotes from Community

Hey, can I ask you something I've always wanted to ask the real Batman?

Abed

Yeah.

Am I good-looking?

Abed

You're a very attractive young man.

I knew it.

Candy corn looks like tiny traffic cones.

Abed

Yeah, it sure does.

At like a candy traffic school. Like a little gingerbread man at the wheel. And he's drunk!

Abed

Look out!

We drivin'. But you keep wantin' to eat yourself.

Abed

All day.

That's one of my biggest fears.

Abed

What is?

If I ever, like, woke up as a donut...

Abed

You would eat yourself?

I wouldn't even question it. That's one of my biggest fears.

Abed

Mmm. That'd be tasty.

It's cool to know other people think about this stuff, too.

Abed

Yeah. Yeah.

Say there are two friends, and they're in the same class, and one of them wants to ask the other one out on date. Like a grown up date, but within biking distance of his parents' house.

Annie

They could do something on campus. Tomorrow there's a picnic with live music on the East lawn. They're calling it 'A Night Under the Stars.'

Cool. I bet Randy would love that type of thing.

Annie

[disappointed] Randy? Oh, I thought...

Oh! You thought... I can't believe I mislead you like that. Listen, Randy can be the name of a guy or a girl. And in this case, it is definitely a girl. Thanks for your help.

I liked you better when you were smoking.

Britta

I'm so sorry.

No, you're right. My feet are long and stupid. You can't unring that bell.

Where's Abed? I need to talk to him about his films.

Shirley

That boy is flat out prescient! He can read our minds!

Abed

I know what you're going to say. You watched my movies on the website.

Shirley

He's a witch!

Get him!

Pierce

[Talking about Troy's dancing] Troy, what you did took guts. I'm impressed.

Thanks, Pierce.

Pierce

And such a creative way to tell the world you're gay.

Shirley

You don't see me saying anything crazy about Abed and Troy's weird relationship.

[to each other] They're just jealous.

Jeff

Troy, I want you to clear your mind.

[Immediately] Done.

Are you sure Britta couldn't do your part?

Abed

I asked her. She wasn't available.

[Sighs] Let's go film the sex scene.

Abed

What are you reading?

Annie

Pride and Prejudice.

Abed

So you're familiar with two sins... how about a third?

Shirley

Ooh! [Everyone leans in closer as Abed pulls out a cigarette case.]

Annie

I don't think we're allowed to smoke in here.

Abed

Well, then you picked the wrong outfit, didn't you.

Shirley

Abed, what are you doing?!

Abed

Don Draper from Mad Men. What did you think?

Britta

Weird.

Awesome.

Pierce

Put your tongue in her ear.

Annie

I liked it.

Jeff

What are you guys doing?

Abed

They're teaching me how to be someone else.

Jeff

Oh, for God's sake, what did I tell you guys?

Abed

[doing a Jeff impression] Oh, for God's sake everybody, do whatever you want! Leave each other alone!

Whoa! That is a good Jeff! How did you do that?

Abed

10% Dick Van Dyke, 20% Sam Malone, 40% Zach Braff from Scrubs, 30% Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry.

Jeff

[disappointed] Zach Braff...

Abed

Sorry.

Abed

The truth is lots of girls like me because, let's face it, I'm pretty adorable, and, uh, my aloofness unconsciously reminds them of their fathers, so... I'm more used to them approaching me.

Britta

So we didn't damage your self-esteem or anything?

Abed

Britta, I've got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That's why I was willing to change for you guys. When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal.

Jeff

Abed...you're a god. If you'll all excuse me, I have a man to beat in pool while wearing shorts.

Is that code for going number one or number two?

Britta

Abed, you've inspired me too. People can mock me all they want. I don't care how I say the word "baggle".

Abed

"Baggle."

Abed

I hope they're not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what the other one is--

--Thinking?

Abed

Yeah. And they're always finishing each other's--

--Pie?

Abed

Exactly. It's creepy.

Jeff

What is that?

It's a monkey.

Jeff

Why do you have a monkey?

It's an animal that looks like a dude. Why don't I have ten of them?