Raj quotes from Camp Lazlo

Raj

Lazlo, can you hold my seat while I go to the bathroom?

Lazlo

Sure, Raj.

Raj

[goes in his tinkle tog] Okay, I'm done.

Samson

Look, Raj just went to the bathroom like the astronauts!

Raj

[dreamily] Just like the astronauts

Chef McMuesli

[gives out sigh of relief then looks down] Forgot I wasn't wearing tinkletogs.

Edward

Ta da! [no one didn't pay attention to him] Some people just had no class. Is someone gonna take my cloak or am I just gonna stand here all day?

Glad to, Edward. [takes Edward's Cloak]

Edward

This is what I'm talking about.

Nice cape.

Edward

It's a cloak, you peasant.

[imitates Edward] Look at me. I'm the king of Camp Kidney.

Edward

I know where you live, freak! You stain my cloak, you buy my cloak. Capisce? [give Chef McMuesli the note] Chef McMuesli. Chef McMuesli. Look what I got.

Chef McMuesli

Oh it's Edward Day Huh?

Edward

Go ahead, McMuesli. Surprise me.

Chef McMuesli

[imitates Edwars] Give me my lunch and make it snappy, broccoli breath!

Edward

Just give me some lunch, will ya?

Chef McMuesli

[still imitating Edward] Coming right up! One macaroni surprise! Next!

Edward

[sits right next to Samson] You have the honor of sitting with me, peasant.

Samson

[imitates Edward] What do you want to see me? Get sick or something?

Edward

[annoyed] Listen up people. I don't know what you think you're all doing. You should be worshiping me! [everyone imatates Edward] Enough already! I hear by declare Edward Day finished!

Edward

Alright, who's the wise guy? Well, where are ya?

Clam

Well, where are ya?

Edward

Wha? [everyone likes Clam's impersonation of Edward] You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!

Clam

You're supposed to worship me, not imitate me!

Edward

GRRRR!!!

Clam

GRRRR!!

Edward

That's it!

Clam

That's it!

Edward

[walks out of the Mess Hall] I'm gonna end Edward Day once and for all! [plays the bedtime bugle]

Clam

So I say to the guy "what am I, a duck?"

Raj

It's bedtime already?

Lumpus

[from the window] Trying to nap here!

Edward

That's the bedtime bugle, Lumpus. Go back to bed!

Lumpus

Oh, daylight savings time, huh? Well, keep it down anyway!

Edward

There. problem solved. Edward Day is officially over.

Lazlo

Wanna play shadow puppets?

Samson

I just drop teddy at the Laundromat.

Edward

[goes into his cabin] Phew! Goodbye camp Hello dreamland. [noticed Clam was in his bed and screams] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam

But I Love being Edward.

Edward

You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Clam

You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Edward

Grr! Hey, stink sacks!

Clam

Hey, stink sacks!

Edward

Will you tell this fruitcake who Edward is?!

Clam

Will you tell that fruitcake who Edward is?!

Skip

Are we dreaming?

Chip

I think so.

See?!

Clam

[from inside] Nobody's interesting!

Edward

[from inside] Don't copy me!

Clam

[from inside] Stop doing that!

Edward

[from inside] Why are you such an idiot?! [the Bean Scouts wake up and goes to Edward's Cabin and complain] You can go to sleep after you tell this imitation who the original Edward is!

Clam

Not in this lifetime, butterball!

Samson

Okay, now that is Edward.

Lazlo

[walks up to Clam and Edward] Excuse me. Pardon me Fred. Pardon me hippo guy. Uh beg pardon pig character that I've not met until now. [chuckles] Looks like we've got ourselves a little mix up. Hmm. What we need here is a good old fashion face off to find the real Edward. Let's start with Edward on the Right.

Edward

Edward on the right?! THERE IS NO EDWARD ON THE RIGHT!!! I'M THE ONLY EDWARD!!!!

BOOOO!!!!

Too wimpy!

Lazlo

Well, I guess that was pretty good.

Clam

I'm surrounded by idiots!

Lazlo

Yeah that's him!

Edward

This camp is only big enough for one Edward!

Edward on the right! Edward on the right!

Edward

[leaves his cabin] If he's Edward then who does that make me Clam? Ugh can't think of the worse...Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.

Lazlo

Oh, um, hello there, Edward. What can I do for ya?

Edward

[imitating] Duh, me Clam.

Lazlo

Do you have something stuck in your throat, Edward?

Edward

No [grabs the picture] Duh, Clam. I am Clam.

Lazlo

Oh, I get it. He likes our picture.

Raj

Oh, flattery will get you everywhere, Edward.

Edward

Clam!!! I'm impersonating Clam, you idiots!!!

Raj

Okay, is he still doing Clam?

Lazlo

I think he's trying to do Edward again. Oooh, look what time it is. Well, Clam, we better get down to the mess hall. We don't want to miss breakfast.

Dave

How come we're having dinner for breakfast?

Ping Pong

This is highly logical.

Lazlo

Good morning, friendship campers!

Raj

Good morning, Camp Kidney!

Lazlo

Come on! You can do it.

Edward

Uh, I'm Clam.

Raj

Ooooh, he's really improving.

Chip

Are we asleep?

Skip

I think so.

Samson

Hey, Ed Man. Why don't you cut in front of me?

Clam

Don't mind if I do.

Chef McMuesli

Oh, hey, Edward. That was a lot of fun yesterday. How about a second helping?

Edward

Hey. Uh who cares about Edward? He's a jerk.

Chip

Is your dream about Edward?

Skip

I think so.

Clam

And I said to the guy "what do I look like a Squirrel Scout?"

Edward

Uh, Clam no think new Edward is so funny.

Samson

Who's that supposed to be?

Clam

Well, if it isn't Clam. Clam here is so short when it rains. He's the last to know.

Edward

[voiceover] That should be me up there getting all that attention. Getting laughs at someone else's expense. He's already had his day with the gooseberry. [gets an idea; spoken] He's not Edward and I can prove it! [laughs] Clam loves gooseberry bushes! [eats gooseberries out of a bush] Mmm gooseberries! Who can resist them?! [eats more gooseberries] Too bad you can't eat any of these delicious gooseberries! Edward hates goose berries! [spits out gooseberries]

Clam

Gooseberries?

Edward

I can't even remember when I last had gooseberries this good!!

Clam

[normal voice] Duh, gooseberries! [drooling]

Samson

Please tell me that's not drool.

Clam

Not Edward anymore! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! [eats the goosberries]

Edward

I win! I'm the king of the Edwards! EUUUUUUUUAGGGH!!! [starts to have his gooseberry allergy] Gooseberry hives?! Well at least I'm still Edward.

Edward

Vamoose, pelican. It's my day and I'm going to the top.

[imitating Edward] In your dreams, you platypus!

Edward

[to Raj] Hey, Regina!

Raj

What did you call me?

Edward

Let me ahead of you in line, will you?

Raj

[imitating Edward] Yeah, sure! Wake up and smell the pinecones!

Edward

[growls, frustrated] Fine way to treat me.

Raj

[about the wood glue] Peww, Lazlo, that smells terrible.

Lazlo

Really? I kinda like the smell of wood glue.

Edward

Wait a minute.

Raj

What?

Edward

Flying marshmallows?

Raj

True story.

Edward

[short pause] Well, that was the best story I ever heard!

Lazlo

Pass the story stone, Raj.

Raj

Your turn, Chip. [extends his arm over Harold, Milt and Larrison, giving the stone to Chip]

Lazlo

You missed someone, pal.

Raj

Who? Skip?

Lazlo

No, somebody closer. [whispering] Harold.

Raj

[also whispering] Who's Harold? [Lazlo points to the blue walrus scout] Oh! [laughs; offering Harold the story stone] Story stone?

Harold

[protesting] Oh, no thanks.

Lazlo

Oh, come on, Harold. Everybody's got a story to tell.

Raj

Got any marshmallows, Samson?

Samson

[passing by] Nope. Quit three weeks ago.

Raj

Wait a minute. Are you laughing like me?!

Harold

[with his face like Raj's and talking in his impression] Whatever do you mean?

Raj

[screams] Harold, you are a nice guy but hanging out with you is like, hanging out with myself. And I'm surprised by how pretty that is. Let's not hang out anymore. Don't call, don't write, don't drop by unexpectedly.

Harold

But, Raj, I thought...

Raj

Great, bye! Nice knowing ya! [walks off and leaves as Harold looks on in sadness]

Samson

[walking by] My allergies are really acting up today.

Harold

[irritated] I got allergies too! [breathes heavily] Can I be your friend hamster boy?! [Samson walks away from him, uncomfortably; to Chip and Skip, wrapping his arms around them] How 'bout you fellers? Can I be like you? Heck, I'm dumber and stinkier than the two of you combined! [the Dung Beetles walk away from him as well; all the other bean scouts surround him as he breaks down, sobbing] I just wanted to be cool and do fun stuff! [Raj walks up to him] Well, look who decided to drop by unexpectedly!

Raj

Can I… um, talk to you for a sec?

Raj

Um, Harold, I do not think you are a superhero.

Harold

My name's not Harold either. I'll never know who I am.

Edward

[laughing] What a loser! [motions to Milt and Larrison] And if that loser was too cool to hang out with guys, what does that make you? [laughs more]

Harold

[marches over to him and faces him; furiously] You can't talk to my friends like that!

Edward

[sarcastically] Well, if ain't Captain Banana-Pants.

Harold

There's no Banana-Pants here! [strips off his clothes, leaving him only in his underwear] Just me.

Edward

And what are you gonna do?

Harold

I reckon you're about to find out!

Lazlo

I'm in love with a mermaid!

Raj

That's great, dude.

Raj

Well, I LOVE HER TOO, DUDE!

Lazlo

WHAT?!

Samson

This camp is filthy! I wanna be clean!

Raj

I want to be famous!

Clam

I wanna be understood!

Baby cow whisperers!

Samson

Camp Dinkey has it all! Let's go to Camp Dinky!

Almondine

[looks at her reflection in the mirror for a second, then takes off her glasses and gets to work; narrating] I did things to my face that I had never done before. After a bucket of paint and a gallon of elbow grease, I was ready to see the new me. [puts her glasses back on and looks at her reflection, shocked to see that she looks exactly the same as she was before] Nothing. I guess pretty was just for pretty people. Not for plain practical birds…like me.

Patsy

[enters the dressing room with Nina and Gretchen] Hi, Almondine! Are you ready for the Wig Out?

Almondine

[runs out of the tent, bawling in realizing she let the Wig Out and herself down] Forget it! [throws the magazine on the ground in frustration and runs away into the woods; narrating] The Wig Out was going to be a disaster, and it was all my fault. I had to get away, somewhere else, under a pretty name like "Tiffany" or "Alexis", at some other camp, a camp where they don't know me, a camp where they're not so pretty. [finds Lazlo, Raj, and Clam, all behaving like hobos]

Lazlo

Looks like we got company, boys. Sit a spell, stranger.

Almondine

[takes a seat on a wooden crate box] Brother, can you spare me a banana? [puts her hand on her stomach, starving to death] I haven't eaten all day.

Raj

[gives her a banana] Well, what you been up to?

Almondine

Chasing a dream.

Raj

Doesn't look like she caught it.

Almondine

Thought I knew what pretty was. Turns out, I don't know anything about it.

Lazlo

Aw, that's nothing. Whatever makes you different is what makes you pretty.

Raj

Yep, and we've got more pretty than we know what to do with.

Yeah!

Almondine

You do?

Raj

Take me. You know how elephants are supposed to remember everything?

Almondine

Yeah.

Raj

Well, I can't remember anything. No, really. Test me.

Almondine

What did you have for lunch today?

Raj

Okay, yeah. I had one of those…uh…things between two, uh, slices of things. [facepalms] Oh! What do you call?

Almondine

Oh, a sandwich?

Raj

Huh? You want a sandwich? What did you say?

Lazlo

Isn't that pretty?

Almondine

Well, it's different at least.