Samson quotes from Camp Lazlo

Samson

Merp. I miss Camp Kidney. Merp. I miss the other scouts. Why? Why? Why are my EYES burning up?! [sniffs and see the patch of stinkweeds] STINKWEEDS!

Samson

I heard about these kinds of things. The insane Scoutmaster takes his troupe out to the woods, uh, there's an axe, and a pile of bones, and, and some marbles, and a bag of cereal! And all they find is an eyebrow!

Samson

A girl on our side of the bus. As the sun slowly sets on my childhood, the dark suffocates me into adolescence.

Samson

Hey, ladies! You know what I think? You've got POOR FASHION SENSE!

Samson

Merciful merp! [begins having a meltdown; agitated] How am I supposed to get to the store?! [crawls on his bed sadly] Merp. If I get beaten by one more ball I'll go insane! [sobbing]

Samson

Can't you see I'm a walking health hazard?!

Samson

[reaching out his hand; weakly] Lazlo? [Lazlo hops onto his bed] I just can't seem to catch a break.

Samson

That way!

Edward

That way!

Samson

That way!

Edward

That way!

Samson

That way.

Edward

That way. [looks at his finger] You're probably right. It was that way.

Edward

Here comes the prediction, campers! [looks inside the wig with words that say...; thinking] "Edward will smile for Lazlo?" Will smile...for Lazlo?

Skip

What does it say?

Samson

Yeah. [gets knocked over on his side by a throwing volleyball] Tell us what the prediction is.

Edward

[as his grin turns to a frown] Um...Nothing. Madame Lazlo is a fraud, a fake. You should all forget the whole thing ever happened. My face hurts.

Dave

Sorry, Samson. Guess we didn't see you there.

Samson

Didn't see me?

Ping Pong

Yeah. Sometimes you kind of blend in with the background.

Lazlo

Hey, it's Samson.

Samson

Yes, it's Samson, so nice of you to remember! [cries]

Ping Pong

No problem, roomie.

Samson

[agitated] I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!

Lazlo

By the wondrous Leaky waters,

Samson

And Great Mount White Head,

Stands the pretty good Camp Kidney,

Not the cleanest, not the smartest,

Raj

Not the best are we,

Clam

But!

Proud to be the second best camp,

Here on Lake Leaky!

Nina

[squeals] The new issue of "Dreamboat" magazine! [gasps] With Hanly Manster on the cover! He's so gorgeous.

And generous! He adopts underprivileged baby ponies.

Gretchen

[dreamily] I'd like to put him in a cage and keep him on my nightstand… forever.

[sighs dreamily] I wish he were here with us right now.

Samson

Well, if you gals are all set, I'm gonna get a move on.

Nina

Thanks for the magazine. [gasps]

What's the matter, Ni- [gasps]

Gretchen

You girls sound like a couple of… [gasps]

Nina

He looks just like Hanly Manster! [compares the magazine with Hanly Manster on the cover and Samson, seeing that they're both alike]

Samson

Well, [chuckles] I'm off. The road's a harsh mistress, and she waits for no one. [starts to pedal away back to Camp Kidney, but the girls block his way]

What's your hurry, Manly… I mean, Samson?

Samson

[nervously] What? Well, uh…

Nina

Why don't you stick around a while?

Samson

[returns to camp and to his cabin after getting battered by the Squirrel Scouts] That was really strange. [hears voices and peeks inside his cabin, seeing the Squirrel Scouts already in there and looking around]

Look! His pillow!

Nina

That's where he lays his sweet, sweet head.

Gretchen

I found his socks!

Almondine

I found his tissues!

Patsy

I found his dandruff!

Gretchen

Let me have some!

Patsy

Get your own!

Gretchen

I said, give me some of that Samson dander!

Nina

[points to Samson outside the cabin door] Look!

Gretchen

It's him!

[dreamily] Hi, Samson.

Samson

Hello.

Can we do anything for you?

Samson

Can you put my dandruff back where you found it?

Lazlo

Samson, what are you doing in there?

Samson

Hiding from the Squirrel Scouts! Please let me stay! I beg you!

Lazlo

Why are you hiding from the Squirrel Scouts?

Samson

[holds up the "Dreamboat" magazine] They think I look like some hunky heartthrob named Hanly Manster.

Lazlo

[looks closely at the magazine] Hanly Manster?

Samson

Oh, now you've done it!

Lazlo

Samson, you can't hide in there forever. What will you eat?

Samson

Potato salad?

Lazlo

[pulls Samson out of the tray] Come on, you. We'll help you figure a way out of this mess.