Nina Neckerly quotes from Camp Lazlo

Nina

[sobbing in protest] NO, I'M NOT! I'M NOT AN ONLY CHILD! [runs off into the woods, bawling]

Raj

Who-Who are you?

Clam

Wh-What d'ya want?

Lazlo

[sniffs] And why do you smell so nice?

Gretchen

Shut your traps!

Raj

How-how can they smell so nice and be so mean?

Gretchen

[turns on a flashlight to them] Tell us your plans, you disgusting aliens.

Lazlo

[confused] Aliens? We don't know what you're talking about.

Patsy

You think we're gonna fall for that?

Gretchen

We're too smart.

Nina

You said it, Gretchen. Uh, ahem. I mean, number 3.

Lazlo

It's so cold, I can see my breath! [breathing out snowflakes] Hey, what's wrong with Clam?

Raj

[laughs] He has what we call the "brain freeze." [gets a brain freeze with His face except for his nose imploding inside his head]

Lazlo

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Brain freeze! [gets a brain freeze and making funny faces, as the Squirrel Scouts laughed at them outside the cabin]

Gretchen

Be careful!

Nina

Your faces could stick that way.

Patsy

Especially since you just ate 16 gallons of frozen glue.

Nina

And, uh, [her glasses slip] everyone knows that aliens don't eat ice cream. [re-adjusts her glasses]

Lazlo

Oh, yeah? Let's recharge!

Nina

Patsy, I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't want to hear any more stories. I'm scared.

Almondine

Yeah. Can we just eat our marshmallows and turn in?

Nina

Hey, look!

Gretchen

It's a couple of Bean Scouts crying.

Patsy

They probably saw the yeti and couldn't handle it.

Lazlo

For your info, yetis don't exist. And the only thing that makes a Bean scout cry is a chopped onion. If you see your yeti, tell him if you see any unicorns. [leaves with Raj and Clam]

Patsy

[annoyed, decides to return to their cabin] Come on, let's go. [but their feet are stuck on sticky marshmallow ground from Raj's tears] Oh, no! We're stuck!

[hearing the girls screaming] Did you hear that, Carl? It sounds like campers! Oh, I'm scared!

Campers are a myth, you yeti knucklehead! [Yeti 1's marshmallow drops to the ground] Uh, are you gonna eat that?

Jane

So romantic.

Nina

[slow dancing with Raj; darkly] I know judo.

[slow dancing with Chip as he farts; disgusted] Eww!

Gretchen

[slow dancing with Clam as he gazes dreamily at her; annoyed] Wipe that grin off your face, creep, before I take it off myself.

Patsy

[fully impatient] All right, Lazlo, this dance is over! GET 'EM, SQUIRRELS!

Gretchen

Wow! I can't believe we did it.

Nina

I can't believe we accomplished everything on our list of things to do for the perfect Squirrel Scout day.

Patsy

I sure am glad that we decided to save the best thing on the list for last… snail bathing. [giggles]

Nina

But it pales in comparison to the thrills and spills of hornet racing, I'm still tingling from that exciting fifth place.

Gretchen

I think scummy dipping was best thing on the perfect day list. I do so love swimming in a good puddle of pond muck.

Patsy

Oh, I feel kind of bad for Miss Doe. She really had her heart set on this Fru Fru thing.

Gretchen

What does "Fru Fru" mean, anyway?

Patsy

Well, why don't we go look it up? Come on! [later in the cabin, she and her friends are searching the word of "Fru Fru" in the dictionary] All right, let's see. "Phish… Phrank." [finds the word "Phru Phru" (that starts with "Ph")] Aha! "Phru Phru: Refers to the mysterious ceremony in which some primitive tribes believe they are given the ability to fly." [puzzled] Ability to fly? Oh, that's weird.

Nina

[realizes] Wait a minute! Don't you girls remember the Fru Fru motto?

"Be true to the Fru Fru spirit we adore and your heart will soar forever more."

Patsy

Soar! She was telling us that we would fly! That's why she wanted us to do all that dumb girly stuff.

Gretchen

So we could be given the ability to fly?

Almondine

I think I'd like to be given the ability to fly.

Nina

[squeals] The new issue of "Dreamboat" magazine! [gasps] With Hanly Manster on the cover! He's so gorgeous.

And generous! He adopts underprivileged baby ponies.

Gretchen

[dreamily] I'd like to put him in a cage and keep him on my nightstand… forever.

[sighs dreamily] I wish he were here with us right now.

Samson

Well, if you gals are all set, I'm gonna get a move on.

Nina

Thanks for the magazine. [gasps]

What's the matter, Ni- [gasps]

Gretchen

You girls sound like a couple of… [gasps]

Nina

He looks just like Hanly Manster! [compares the magazine with Hanly Manster on the cover and Samson, seeing that they're both alike]

Samson

Well, [chuckles] I'm off. The road's a harsh mistress, and she waits for no one. [starts to pedal away back to Camp Kidney, but the girls block his way]

What's your hurry, Manly… I mean, Samson?

Samson

[nervously] What? Well, uh…

Nina

Why don't you stick around a while?

Samson

[returns to camp and to his cabin after getting battered by the Squirrel Scouts] That was really strange. [hears voices and peeks inside his cabin, seeing the Squirrel Scouts already in there and looking around]

Look! His pillow!

Nina

That's where he lays his sweet, sweet head.

Gretchen

I found his socks!

Almondine

I found his tissues!

Patsy

I found his dandruff!

Gretchen

Let me have some!

Patsy

Get your own!

Gretchen

I said, give me some of that Samson dander!

Nina

[points to Samson outside the cabin door] Look!

Gretchen

It's him!

[dreamily] Hi, Samson.

Samson

Hello.

Can we do anything for you?

Samson

Can you put my dandruff back where you found it?

I indicate cheese in 24 hours!

Is it safe to stay with the earthling?

Nina

[enters dressed in a spacesuit] Ta-da! What do you think of my space jumper?

It's weird. It's harmless. We'll stay.

Nina

[realizes the alien was her two friends] Gretchen?! Patsy?! [runs to Patsy] What happened to you?

Patsy

[voice breaking] I...ate...all the...cheese!

Nina

[tearing up] But why, Patsy? Why?

Patsy

[gulps, tearing up] Because you...you prefer disgusting mutants with lasers...over me.

Nina

[smiles hopefully] You had a severe allergic reaction just for me? Come here, you two! [group hugs Patsy and Gretchen as the audience awws]

Almondine

[narrating] Who is that desperate bird? That desperate bird is me, and my name… is Almondine. [Fade to six hours earlier] Six hours ago, I was just another squirrel scout.

[walking up next to her as they stand in front of the Wig Out tent] Hey, Almondine. Are you ready for the annual Acorn Flats Wig Out?

Almondine

[spins her head around 360 degrees, creeping Toodie out, and stops] Sure am. [narrating] Or at least an owl squirrel scout with a gifted third vertebrae. Yes, the Wig Out-- a special night when girls dress up with their finest wigs and get to be pretty. [walks into the tent and enters the dressing room where all the other girls are working on their wigs] I've been working on my wig for two weeks straight, and I was pretty sure I nailed it. [removes the blanket that's covering her wig, revealing that it looks just like her real hair]

Ladies, how do we all feel about Almondine's wig?

Nina

Ugh. The hat. What were you thinking?

Almondine

It's to keep the wig arm. [Nina and Patsy look at each other confused] I'm just trying to be practical.

People are driving hundreds of miles to the wig out, and they ain't coming for practical. They want the pretties, right, gals?

Like flowers.

Telephones.

Someone get Almondine some curlers. She's got work to do. [walks away]

Patsy

We've got six hours to go! Are you sure you're gonna have something pretty?

Almondine

No problem.

Patsy

Oh, good. 'cause if your wig's not pretty, it'll ruin the whole wig out. [laughs as she and her friends leave]

Almondine

[narrating] "Pretty." There was that word again. I had no idea what it meant.