Lazlo quotes from Camp Lazlo

Lazlo

Come on, give me a sign. [sees a tree with a bull's-eye on it] Perfect...

Edward

Lazlo! Don't tell me you were going to go on that defenseless tree, are you?

Lazlo

Well, there's nowhere else to go in camp!

Edward

Did you try Acorn Flats?

Lazlo

Girls have bathrooms?

Edward

Girls have bladders too.

Patsy

Okay, Lazlo, but tell me again why you are using our bathroom?

Lazlo

BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO!!!

Patsy

Whoa! That is definitely the wrong way to ask someone to use their bathroom.

Lazlo

I'm sorry. Please? Uh, pretty please with a P on top?

Samson

Hey wait, they're just trying to distract us from the real funny. Lazlo's still wearing a diaper!

Lazlo

Huh, oh this isn't a diaper.

Raj

Really?

Clam

Denial.

Samson

It's not? Well then what is it?

Lazlo

It's a tinkle-tog, just like the astronaut's wear.

Samson

So, you're actually wearing some sort of futuristic space diaper?

Lazlo

Yeah, kind of.

Raj

Lazlo, can you hold my seat while I go to the bathroom?

Lazlo

Sure, Raj.

Raj

[goes in his tinkle tog] Okay, I'm done.

Samson

Look, Raj just went to the bathroom like the astronauts!

Raj

[dreamily] Just like the astronauts

Chef McMuesli

[gives out sigh of relief then looks down] Forgot I wasn't wearing tinkletogs.

Lazlo

[meditates] Ooommmm...

[meditate] GooseBerries!

Edward

[walks over] Get up Laz! You make an idiot of yourself!

Lazlo

[while meditating] Edward...we're in the middle of worshipping the gooseberries here. Ooommmm...

Edward

[groans] You're worshiping the weed, you doofus! I cant even look! Why praise those gross things when you got a lovable platypus right here! [everyone didn't listen but worships the goodberry shrub. leaving him annoyed] Hello?! Anyone?! [groans] Stupid Lazlo Holidays! [then rips off calendar just to make it June 2nd and the next holiday was "Edward Day" His own day] If there gonna worship! They might as well worship something worth worshipping!

Edward

Lazlo!

Edward

What day is it today?

Lazlo

Why it's Edward Day, silly! I mean... [imitates Edward] Its Edward day can't you read your loser! [laughs] How'd I do?

Edward

[groans in anger] Come on, Lazlo! What does that sign say?

Lazlo

[didn't read the calendar but Lost Scab Collections] Lost Scab Collections C. Samson-

Edward

[starts getting mad even more] No! You dimwit, Above it the calender.

Lazlo

Oh! June 2nd Edward day!... [starts to criticize Edward too] TODAY'S THE DAY WHERE WE ACT LIKE YOU GARBONZO-BRAINS!!!

Edward

THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENS ON MY DAY! I'LL TAKE THIS TO THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY!!!

Lazlo

Wanna play shadow puppets?

Samson

I just drop teddy at the Laundromat.

Edward

[goes into his cabin] Phew! Goodbye camp Hello dreamland. [noticed Clam was in his bed and screams] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BUNK?!

Clam

But I Love being Edward.

Edward

You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Clam

You're not Edward, I'M EDWARD!

Edward

Grr! Hey, stink sacks!

Clam

Hey, stink sacks!

Edward

Will you tell this fruitcake who Edward is?!

Clam

Will you tell that fruitcake who Edward is?!

Skip

Are we dreaming?

Chip

I think so.

See?!

Clam

[from inside] Nobody's interesting!

Edward

[from inside] Don't copy me!

Clam

[from inside] Stop doing that!

Edward

[from inside] Why are you such an idiot?! [the Bean Scouts wake up and goes to Edward's Cabin and complain] You can go to sleep after you tell this imitation who the original Edward is!

Clam

Not in this lifetime, butterball!

Samson

Okay, now that is Edward.

Lazlo

[walks up to Clam and Edward] Excuse me. Pardon me Fred. Pardon me hippo guy. Uh beg pardon pig character that I've not met until now. [chuckles] Looks like we've got ourselves a little mix up. Hmm. What we need here is a good old fashion face off to find the real Edward. Let's start with Edward on the Right.

Edward

Edward on the right?! THERE IS NO EDWARD ON THE RIGHT!!! I'M THE ONLY EDWARD!!!!

BOOOO!!!!

Too wimpy!

Lazlo

Well, I guess that was pretty good.

Clam

I'm surrounded by idiots!

Lazlo

Yeah that's him!

Edward

This camp is only big enough for one Edward!

Edward on the right! Edward on the right!

Edward

[leaves his cabin] If he's Edward then who does that make me Clam? Ugh can't think of the worse...Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.

Lazlo

Oh, um, hello there, Edward. What can I do for ya?

Edward

[imitating] Duh, me Clam.

Lazlo

Do you have something stuck in your throat, Edward?

Edward

No [grabs the picture] Duh, Clam. I am Clam.

Lazlo

Oh, I get it. He likes our picture.

Raj

Oh, flattery will get you everywhere, Edward.

Edward

Clam!!! I'm impersonating Clam, you idiots!!!

Raj

Okay, is he still doing Clam?

Lazlo

I think he's trying to do Edward again. Oooh, look what time it is. Well, Clam, we better get down to the mess hall. We don't want to miss breakfast.

Dave

How come we're having dinner for breakfast?

Ping Pong

This is highly logical.

Lazlo

Good morning, friendship campers!

Raj

Good morning, Camp Kidney!

Lazlo

Come on! You can do it.

Edward

Uh, I'm Clam.

Raj

Ooooh, he's really improving.

Chip

Are we asleep?

Skip

I think so.

Samson

Hey, Ed Man. Why don't you cut in front of me?

Clam

Don't mind if I do.

Chef McMuesli

Oh, hey, Edward. That was a lot of fun yesterday. How about a second helping?

Edward

Hey. Uh who cares about Edward? He's a jerk.

Chip

Is your dream about Edward?

Skip

I think so.

Clam

And I said to the guy "what do I look like a Squirrel Scout?"

Edward

Uh, Clam no think new Edward is so funny.

Samson

Who's that supposed to be?

Clam

Well, if it isn't Clam. Clam here is so short when it rains. He's the last to know.

Edward

[voiceover] That should be me up there getting all that attention. Getting laughs at someone else's expense. He's already had his day with the gooseberry. [gets an idea; spoken] He's not Edward and I can prove it! [laughs] Clam loves gooseberry bushes! [eats gooseberries out of a bush] Mmm gooseberries! Who can resist them?! [eats more gooseberries] Too bad you can't eat any of these delicious gooseberries! Edward hates goose berries! [spits out gooseberries]

Clam

Gooseberries?

Edward

I can't even remember when I last had gooseberries this good!!

Clam

[normal voice] Duh, gooseberries! [drooling]

Samson

Please tell me that's not drool.

Clam

Not Edward anymore! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! [eats the goosberries]

Edward

I win! I'm the king of the Edwards! EUUUUUUUUAGGGH!!! [starts to have his gooseberry allergy] Gooseberry hives?! Well at least I'm still Edward.

Lazlo

Here you go, Sheldon. [hands Sheldon an award]

Best performance from an incidental character. Wow, thanks Lazlo!

Raj

[about the wood glue] Peww, Lazlo, that smells terrible.

Lazlo

Really? I kinda like the smell of wood glue.

Lumpus

[after the steak grows a little bigger; shocked] What happened?!

Lazlo

It must be the growth hormones.

Lumpus

Growth hormone?

Edward

Wait a minute.

Raj

What?

Edward

Flying marshmallows?

Raj

True story.

Edward

[short pause] Well, that was the best story I ever heard!

Lazlo

Pass the story stone, Raj.

Raj

Your turn, Chip. [extends his arm over Harold, Milt and Larrison, giving the stone to Chip]

Lazlo

You missed someone, pal.

Raj

Who? Skip?

Lazlo

No, somebody closer. [whispering] Harold.

Raj

[also whispering] Who's Harold? [Lazlo points to the blue walrus scout] Oh! [laughs; offering Harold the story stone] Story stone?

Harold

[protesting] Oh, no thanks.

Lazlo

Oh, come on, Harold. Everybody's got a story to tell.

Lazlo

I'm in love with a mermaid!

Raj

That's great, dude.

Raj

Well, I LOVE HER TOO, DUDE!

Lazlo

WHAT?!

Lazlo

[as Bill passes by] Check out this piece of work.

Lumpus

Hey! Why the long face? [he and Lazlo both laugh, nudging each other]

Lazlo

Good one.

Lumpus

Move along.

Lazlo

Watch this. [to Edward] Doofus says "What?"

Edward

What? [realizes he's been tricked; growls in annoyance] Real mature, Lazlo. [storms off]