Lazlo quotes from Camp Lazlo

Raj

Are you sure it's okay to steal all this stuff?

Lazlo

It's not stealing, Raj, it's borrowing and besides we'll leave an I.O.U for them in case they're wondering where it is.

Lazlo

Hey Raj?

Raj

Yes lazlo?

Lazlo

How many times can you hop up and down?

Raj

Well, my legs ARE tremendously strong so I will have to say...eleven thousand times.

Lazlo

Yeah that sounds about right. How 'bout you Clam?

Clam

Four.

Lazlo

Four?

Raj

No way!

Clam

Four.

[crying] Don't judge me for crying fellas. DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME!!! Wahhahah!

Lazlo

I think someone needs a vacation.

Vacation? What's a...vacation?

Lazlo

You don't even know what a vacation is? [drops mouth open in surprise]

Raj

Come on, Lazlo. Maybe Nurse Leslie comes from Europe where vacations are known as holidays.

Look, you idiots, I know what a vacation is. I just never had one.

Lazlo

Well, everyone can have a vacation. Including you.

Oh, yeah? Well, tell that to Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Lazlo

[calling out] Scoutmaster Lumpus?!

Lumpus

[relaxing on the beach chair] What?!

Lazlo

Can Nurse Leslie take vacation?!

Lumpus

[surprised] We have a nurse?

Lazlo

[to Nurse Leslie] See? It'll be fine.

Edward

[over the radio] They're getting closer! This isn't a stunt! Call the coast guard!

Samson

[enters their cabin] Hey, guys! Chip! Skip! Come on, you two! We're gonna go watch Edward getting eaten by yetis!

Cool!

Lazlo

Come on! Hurry!

Clam

[while carrying Raj] Save Edward! Save Edward!

Dave

Where you going?

Raj

Radio station.

Clam

Save Edward.

Dave

[to Ping Pong] Want to watch Edward get eaten by yetis?

Ping Pong

It beats sitting here.

Edward

[still freaking out] Help! I lied about last night! This is real now! [voice cowering] This has been...Edward...After Dark. [screams as the yetis enter]

Raj

Are we too late?

Lazlo

[solemnly] Yes, Raj.

Raj

[to Clam] Can you put me down now?

Chip

[holding a radio] Goodbye, Edward.

Commander Hoo-Ha

Now, I know what you're all asking yourselves why did Hoo-Ha bring his daughter here, hmm? The answer is simple: I have decided that she is at proper age to know what a boy is.

Patsy

Daddy, I know what a boy is...

Commander Hoo-Ha

Dup-dup-dup-dup! [picks Lazlo up] This, pumpkin, is a boy.

Patsy

Hi, Lazlo!

Lazlo

Ahem. Hoo-Ha's your dad?

Patsy

Duh!

Commander Hoo-Ha

No fraternizing with my pumpkin! Fraternizing leads to liking. And if a boy wants to like my Pumpkin [puts his hands next to both sides of Patsy's eyes], not just like, I mean like like, WHO COULD SAY WHAT I'D DO?! [blows his top in anger, which flies in front of the Beans and catches fire and disappears] Well I don't have to worry about that, do I? Isn't that right?!

Samson

You really have to beat me up?

Skip

What do you recommend? [Chip fills all the tray from rice] It needs something. [thinks what needs, meanwhile a fly dies by the insects killer and falls into the tray. he soon speaks to Chip] You’re a genius [although the dead fly do this]

Lazlo

Ugh... [walks backwards disgustedly]

Raj

I'm not hungry anymore.

Clam

We might throw up.

Lumpus

[annoyed] OH, I'LL TAKE THAT! [chews the tray and throws up off-screen]

Lazlo

[wearing Lumpus's scoutmaster hat] I've always wanted to wear this!

Lumpus

I don't look like that.

Raj

[to Lazlo] Scoutmaster Lazlo?

Lazlo

Yes, Raj?

Raj

Um, my cabin's on fire.

Lazlo

Oh, I'm not the scoutmaster anymore, Scoutmaster Lumpus is now. He's not leaving.

Raj

Ohhh... [moves over to Lumpus] "Scoutmaster Lumpus, my cabin's on fire. [the camera zooms out to show camp on fire] Scoutmaster Lumpus, there's fire on your shoe.

Gretchen

Mine is the best!

Edward

No, mine is the best!

Gretchen

Oh, yeah?!

Edward

Yeah!

Gretchen

Listen, platypus. Frostbite Pops are the best and you know it!

Edward

If you brought your head out of the swamp, you would know that Sputnik Cosmopops are 33 and a third times better your garbage on a stick!

Gretchen

Drill Pops!

Edward

Cosmo Pops!

Lazlo

Isn't great how Gretchen and Edward debate every time we get a visit from the ice cream truck?

Raj

Really...great.

Clam

Dumb argument.

Edward

[firmly] She starts at every time!

Gretchen

[enraged with her face all red] Lazlo! [grabs him by the shirt with both hands and pulls him into her face; vengefully] I'm gonna get you, if it's the last thing I do.

Lazlo

You're gonna get me? What does that mean?

Gretchen

Oh, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.

Lazlo

I'm just glad that no one got hurt.

Edward

[walks, slams into a pole, and falls onto the ground] I'm hurt!

Lazlo

Oh, boy! The latest issue of "The Weakly Bean." "How to deal with tetherball anxiety." Wow! This is really gonna help my game.

Dave

Lazlo, you read "The Weakly Bean?"

Lazlo

Every issue.

Ping-Pong

Do you do the trivia challenge?

Lazlo

Oh, I just love the trivia challenge!

Dave

Then how come you never send in your answers?

Lazlo

Well, I figured I'd let someone else have a shot at winning.

Dave

Well, you don't have to worry about that because no one else reads it! [hugs Ping-Pong, weeping and sobbing]

HELP! HELP! My inflatable "Puffy the Pouffy Pony" is loose and floating out with the current! Help! Save Puffy!

Lazlo

[to Lumpus (disguised as Scooter)] Scooter, I think the perfect last test for you would be to swim out and retrieve Puffy the Pouffy Pony for um… uh…

[points to his name tag] Ted.

Lazlo

…For Ted here.

Lumpus

[in disguise] That's all I have to do? Get Puffy the Pimple-Popper, or whatever he is, and then I can peruse the paper?

Gretchen

[while she and Patsy are by the window, lonely] No cheese, No Nina.

Lazlo

[as he and his cabin mates show up] Hi, ladies! I know how to turn those long faces short- a preview of my Hungarian Cheddar?

Patsy

[exclaims in shock as she turns away from Lazlo's cheese] Get away, get away!

Lazlo

[nervously pulls the cheese away] Oh! Um...Sorry.

Gretchen

[annoyed] Smooth move, Jellies. Everybody knows she's allergic to cheese! She bloats, she turns into- [gasps in realization as she gets an idea] Ah-ha!

Lumpus

I don't know, why you don't just go in the lake.

Lazlo

The Lake [his eyes are watering. He jumps in and urinates in the lake]

I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't whiz in my home.

Lazlo

[sucks up the urine and runs off] Sorry!