Lazlo quotes from Camp Lazlo

Edward

Could you build the dam with me?

Lazlo

We could build the dam, or we could play bad-breathed zombies. Wanna play?

Edward

Yeah! [seeing the Jelly Beans playing bad-breathed zombies, much to his regret] Ugh, what have I done?

Lazlo

[after seeing the billboard about Camp Dinkey] Hmm. A camp made just for me? What would that be like? It could be anything I want. It could have a sign, a flagpole, a mess hall, a bunch of cool campers! [claps his hands and pictures a camp exactly like Camp Kidney] And the best part of all, a scoutmaster!

Lumpus

Lazlo! It's bad enough I got to spend reality with you! Leave me out of your twisted fantasies! [claps his hands as the lights went out]

Lazlo

Camp Dinkey is awesome!

Samson

Camp Dinkey's really Camp Kidney?

Lazlo

Come on, fellas. All this time, we've been imagining the coolest camp possible, but maybe it's been Camp Kidney all along.

Edward

Let's face it. There's nothing cool about Camp Kidney.

Cool!

Lazlo

Oops.

"Oops?!" We're stranded in the wild with no supervision, and no shelter! And you say, "Oops?!" [paranoid] We're all gonna die. [spins around, panicking] We're all gonna die! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!

Clam

Milt! Come here. [holds out his arms, offering Milt for comfort]

Lazlo

Hey, Edward! You can sleep in my sleeping bag!

Edward

I don't have much of a choice, do I? [gets in Lazlo's sleeping bag] Your pajamas feel nice to! What are they, flannel?

Lazlo

I sleep in the nude.

Lazlo

So, what do you guys think Slinkman wants to talk to us about?

Harold

I don't know.

Samson

It's a mystery.

Edward

As long as this isn't about me forcing the sheep to eat mud. Which I didn't! Then I don't care what this is about.

[enters] Hey, fellas.

Edward

[shouting] I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! [shuts his mouth]

Okay.

Samson

[in a solemn, but horrified voice] I tried to pick up Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Lazlo

[remembers] Yacka! That's who it was!

Almondine

[looks at her reflection in the mirror for a second, then takes off her glasses and gets to work; narrating] I did things to my face that I had never done before. After a bucket of paint and a gallon of elbow grease, I was ready to see the new me. [puts her glasses back on and looks at her reflection, shocked to see that she looks exactly the same as she was before] Nothing. I guess pretty was just for pretty people. Not for plain practical birds…like me.

Patsy

[enters the dressing room with Nina and Gretchen] Hi, Almondine! Are you ready for the Wig Out?

Almondine

[runs out of the tent, bawling in realizing she let the Wig Out and herself down] Forget it! [throws the magazine on the ground in frustration and runs away into the woods; narrating] The Wig Out was going to be a disaster, and it was all my fault. I had to get away, somewhere else, under a pretty name like "Tiffany" or "Alexis", at some other camp, a camp where they don't know me, a camp where they're not so pretty. [finds Lazlo, Raj, and Clam, all behaving like hobos]

Lazlo

Looks like we got company, boys. Sit a spell, stranger.

Almondine

[takes a seat on a wooden crate box] Brother, can you spare me a banana? [puts her hand on her stomach, starving to death] I haven't eaten all day.

Raj

[gives her a banana] Well, what you been up to?

Almondine

Chasing a dream.

Raj

Doesn't look like she caught it.

Almondine

Thought I knew what pretty was. Turns out, I don't know anything about it.

Lazlo

Aw, that's nothing. Whatever makes you different is what makes you pretty.

Raj

Yep, and we've got more pretty than we know what to do with.

Yeah!

Almondine

You do?

Raj

Take me. You know how elephants are supposed to remember everything?

Almondine

Yeah.

Raj

Well, I can't remember anything. No, really. Test me.

Almondine

What did you have for lunch today?

Raj

Okay, yeah. I had one of those…uh…things between two, uh, slices of things. [facepalms] Oh! What do you call?

Almondine

Oh, a sandwich?

Raj

Huh? You want a sandwich? What did you say?

Lazlo

Isn't that pretty?

Almondine

Well, it's different at least.

Clam

[waking up from his pancake dream] Pancake Day!

Lazlo

[unenthusiastically while sleeping] Yay.

Raj

Clam, it is not considered day until there is sun. Until then, it is night.

Clam

Pancakes, pancakes! [bolts out of the Jelly cabin and into the Mess Hall as the sun rises in daytime] Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes! [howls like a rooster as Chef McMuseli opens the kitchen window while yawning; excitedly] Pancake Day!

[remembers unenthusiastically] Oh, yeah. It's Pancake Tuesday. [gets a tub of pancake batter] Huh… Ooh-whee, gosh. The batter tub's pretty empty.

Lazlo

[waking up] Hey, guys. You bring back any pancakes?

Raj

No time for flapjack talk, Lazlo. Clam is going on the lam!

Lazlo

[sitting up] He's what?

Raj

He stirred himself up a mess of trouble. Our friend Clam has become an outlaw!

Lazlo

Now, we've got to decide what to do about Chip and Skip. If they're not stopped, they may destroy the whole world.

Samson

But what can we do?

Edward

We can hit them! It's always worked for me!

Lazlo

Let's try to think of something nonviolent.

Edward

Then I got nothing.

Lazlo

Chip? Skip? Are you guys down there? [Chip pops out of the hole] Where's the other one?

Skip

[pops out of Chip's mouth] This better be good.

Chip

Let's see, what do you think?

Skip

[examines the penny] Hmm, not bad... [Chip starts to smile] ...But not good. [Chip frowns] It's a fake!

Lazlo

What? But, how do you know?

Chip

Our penny had a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it.

Lazlo

That penny has a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it.

Chip

Our Abraham Lincoln had an eyepatch.

Skip

And a Banjo.

Chip

Keep you're phoniness penny [gives the headless Lazlo back the penny]

Skip

How dumb those he think we are?

Chip

But you can't have a funeral until the search is called off.

Lazlo

It was called off this morning.

Skip

Who called it off?

Lazlo

President Frankenstien...

Dave

[as President Frankenstien] I'm sorry for your loss.

Lazlo

[enters the Fava cabin] Good morning, every-- [surprised and horrified at Samson's appearance] Whoa! What happened to Samson?

Ping-Pong

You know that freak paper-cut accident he had at the post office yesterday?

Lazlo

Don't tell my he's allergic to paper.

Ping-Pong

Uh-huh.

Talk about bad luck.