Parents're here.
Fuck.
S2 E12Parents' Day
Max, that is it! I am fed up with your bad attitude! Why do you always have to bring everyone else down instead of try just a little bit to have fun?
David- [hands him the folder with Max's Camp Camp enrollment form]
Now let's all put on a happy face, go out there, and show everyone just how great you are at- [opens the folder] um-
[David stares at Max's enrollment form; apart from his name and age, his parents wrote nothing about him]
I told you. They didn't care. [leaves, fighting back tears] Just make something up so we can get this over with.
Max, I- I didn't know.
And now, for our final, and most important performance- [David and Gwen look at Campbell from behind the curtains, then at Max, who is sitting dejectedly in a corner] give it up for Davey, Gladys, aand- [sees nobody there, then Max's form on the floor] Uh- what the what? Oh, don't tell me I lost another kid! [surprised campers and parents stand up] Uh, that may have sounded incriminating, but- [flees offstage]
Why are we here? What about Campbell's big show?
It's stupid.
What?
You're right. It's stupid. You shouldn't have to pretend for anyone.
Are you... okay?
I'm sorry, Max. I try to always see the good in things. And I try to get others to see the same, but- pretending things are okay when they're not doesn't help anything. I'm sorry your parents don't care enough, Max. You have every right to be angry. You deserve to be happy, and I hope you can find that here at Camp. Even if it's not today.
Life sucks sometimes, but at least there's pizza.
David?
Yeah?
[Max hugs David, then goes back to standing there]
That never happened.
Okay, Max.
Seriously, I will murder you if this gets back to the gang!
You bastards! You goddamn bastards! Don't you know who I am? I am Cameron C. Campbell! I'm richer than all of you combined! I was the Prime Minister of Thailand for Christ's sake!
AMAgents Miller
Tell it to your cell mates in Super Guantanamo.
This is all your fault, Davey! I swear on my Minor League Baseball teams, you haven't heard the last of me...
So, yeah, that's our camp!
S2 E13Night of the Living Ill
[An ill Neil and Nikki reach out toward Max]
Maaaaaax, help us...
Don't worry, guys, I know exactly what to do! [cut to Max slamming the cellar door shut behind him] Fuuuuuck that!
S2 E14A Camp Camp Christmas, Or Whatever
[The first snowflake of the year floats majestically through the air, landing in front of Max, who jumps back, staring at it]
What the fuck?
Well, friends, as the children of divorced parents often say: TWO CHRISTMASES!
What's so great? [excitedly] WHAT'S SO GREAT!? [starts singing] I can't believe the time is here, To deck the halls and spread some cheer! It is my favorite season, Though I can't place the reason, Christmas is my favorite time of year.
Okay, you just kinda stated stuff we already knew.
Yeah, we get that you like Christmas, but what is it about Christmas that you like?
Ho ho! I'll tell you! [singing] We'll wrap our presents good and tight, And shower Christmas trees with lights! Oh, yuletide carols we shall sing, Though I'm not sure what "yuletide" means, But Christmas is my favorite silent night!
[singing] So, you're about the decorations, Hanging everywhere?
Don't sing.
[singing] The couples under mistletoe, And snowflakes in the air?
No, please.
[singing] The Christmas morning presents, That you open with excitement and delight! So am I right?
Not quite.
WHAT!?
[singing] I love the bells on Santa's sleigh. And all the reindeer games to pla-a-ay!
[singing] Get to the point before I vomit.
[singing] I can't just put my finger on it, But Christmas is my favorite holiday! I know my reasoning's unclear, But I'm still smiling ear to ear! Call me "Saint Nik", 'Cause I'll keep giving. So long as I can keep reliving! Christmas is my favorite time, Dont' ask about reason or rhyme, Just know that it is my favorite time of yeeeeeaaaar! [song ends]
So what you're saying is, you have no idea.
Yes!
MNMax and Neil
Ugh!
S3Arrival of the Torso Takers
No way. I already did something nice this week. My quota's filled.
You vile creature! One can never get soda off blue suede!
DDaniel
I wanted to give you a nice, memorable death, Max! But now you've given me no choice but to stab you. Like some commoner!
Max! [tackles Daniel]
[Max grabs a crossbow]
Don't move! I sorta know how to use this!
DDDaniel & David
Don't shoot! It's me, David! Ha! You wish you were David! I'm David!
Okay, I'm just gonna shoot you both.
You know it's me, Max! You have to know!
You're overestimating this relationship! [fires the crossbow at a shelf of canned milk, hitting one of the cans; Daniel falls as he gets sprayed]
DDaniel
Oh, not dairy! Oh, God, it's getting in my mouth... [curls up as indigestion hits him]
Daniel has a weird milk thing... I don't know, it was too boring to follow.
S3Culture Day
Do you- really wanna know?
Yeah! It sounds cool! And flammable!
S3 E1The Fun-Raiser
Don't start screaming into shoeboxes just yet, Gwen! We can raise enough money and save Camp Campbell! But the campers can't find out. If they knew how bad things were, they'd never trust us again! We'd look completely incompetent!
We are completely incompetent!
S3 E3Foreign Exchange Campers
Laugh all you want, American. But if we find nothing of value, we will burn camp to ground and leave no survivors!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Camp Camp pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.