Preston quotes from Camp Camp

Preston

I don't know who this BITCH is, but she is KILLING IT! AH!

Preston

The theater! The cruelest mistress of all! My career, like the mistakes of so many teenage girls, has been aborted.

Preston

Yes, Neil! Love the passion! But feeling a little too on the nose. I need you to sell it to me without saying it to me! Let's do it again; but maybe try to bury your motivations with a- [Neil gets mad and strangles him] bit- more- subtext!

Preston

Well, friends, as the children of divorced parents often say: TWO CHRISTMASES!

Preston

You vile creature! One can never get soda off blue suede!

Nerris

[notices a couple with one holding a sword] WHOA! Where are they going!?

David

[forces Nerris to move along] Nowhere! Probably some drug convention!

Find the silver ball. [as he shuffles the cups] Get an authentic Dolex watch!

Harrison

Heh. What an amateur. He doesn't even have a ball.

David

[grabs Harrison's arm and yanks him away] Harrison!

David, look! Zat baldman is handing out flyers with a picture of me!

David

[forces Dolph back to the group] Let's go this way.

Hello, sir. Would you like to help save the kids?

David

I'M TRYING! [the woman walks away]

[walks up to David] Hey, wanna have a good time?

Preston

[rhetorically answering] Sure! David loves having a good time!

David

[nervously laughs] No thanks.

[opens his trenchcoat to reveal flyers and brochures to the museum while his shirt reads "I ❤️ Trench Coats"] You sure? Kids get in free to the museum today! There's hot air balloon rides to the park, all kinds of fun activates for all ages!

David

Oh! Thank you!

Nurf

We're actually looking for some of our missing friends. About, yay high, real nerdy?

Hm... If I were to start somewhere, I'd go with downtown. That's why I got lost as a kid. Good luck! [David and the rest of the campers wave "bye" at him cheerfully; to himself, sadly] Ugh. Never did find my parents.

Old Preston

[loses his balls] Oopsie doodle dangle! My balls! [the old crowd laughs]

Preston

What is this?

Old Preston

Your future... [takes off his hood] Preston.

Preston

No! My future is on Broadway! Or the dazzling world of audiobooks!

Old Preston

No. You're doomed to be the king of low brow memes.

Preston

No, NO! I challenge people's head brains!

Old Preston

[disgustingly blows his nose on $100 bills] The uterus of time has a way of changing a person.

Preston

I'm not you! I don't want this!

Old Preston

[barely laughs] I am you! And you are me! We're sellouts! Nothing more!

Neil

He's awake!