Principal Snyder quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Principal Snyder

My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.

Principal Snyder

There are no dead students here. This week.

Snyder

Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so sit still and be quiet... Spit out that gum. Please welcome our distinguished guest speaker, Richards Wilkins the Third. I saw that gesture. You see me after graduation.

Principal Snyder

The first day back. It always gets me.

Giles

Yes.

Principal Snyder

I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare. Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts. Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.

Giles

I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, school principal was not, perhaps, your true vocation?

Principal Snyder

Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal time bombs. You think they're thinking about learning? Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a bumbling idiot. I try to teach them the important things in life. Discipline. Respect. Punctuality. I might as well be talking to myself.

Snyder

There's some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.

Giles

No actually that would be one of the five.

Snyder

That summers girl, I smell trouble, I smell expulsion, and just the faintest aroma of jail.

Giles

Well before you throw away the key you might consider giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may surprise you.

Snyder

You really have faith in those kids don't you?

Giles

Yes I do.

Snyder

Weird.

Principal Snyder

Are we having a chair shortage?

Willow

I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.

Principal Snyder

These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom.

Buffy

Yeah, where they teach lunch.

Principal Snyder

Just give me a reason to kick you out, Summers. Just give me a reason. [walks away]

Cordelia

How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?

Buffy

Sums it up.

Cordelia

Don't you think?

Principal Snyder

I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.

Joyce

Buffy was cleared of all those charges.

Principal Snyder

Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.

Buffy

Something's definitely changing them.

Willow

A spell?

Oz

They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?

Principal Snyder

[to Oz] You've got great hair.

Principal Snyder

Congratulations to the Class of 1999. You all proved more less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so sit still and be quiet. Spit out that gum. Please welcome our distinguished guest speaker, Richard Wilkins III. I saw that gesture. You see me after graduation.

Willow

Am I late? Did we fight?

Mayor Wilkins

[clears throat] Well. What a day this is. A special day. Today is our centennial, the 100th anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale, and I know what that mean to all you kids. Not a darn thing. 'Cause today, something much more important happens. Today, you all graduate from high school. Today, all the pain, all the work, all the excitement is finally over. Now, what's 100 years of history compared to that? Do you know what, kids?

Buffy

Oh, my God. He's going to do the entire speech.

Willow

Man, just ascend already.

Buffy

Evil.

Mayor Wilkins

Maybe the two things connect. Maybe you have a place in Sunnydale's history, whether you like it or not. It's been a long road getting here, for you, for Sunnydale. There's been achievement, joy, good times. And there's been grief. There's been loss. Some people who should be here today... aren't. But we are. Journey's end. And what is a journey? Is it just... distance traveled? Time spent? No. It's what happens on the way. It's the things that shape you. At the end of the journey, you're not the same. Today is about change. Graduation doesn't just mean your circumstances change. It means you do. You ascent to a higher level. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing.

Mayor Wilkins

And so, as we look back on... on the events that have brought us to this day...

Buffy

Come on.

Mayor Wilkins

We... We must all-- [cries out in pain] It has begun. My destiny. It's a little sooner than I expected. I had this whole section on civic pride. But I guess we'll just skip to the big finish.