So, you doing anything special?
Tree, nog, roast beast. Just me and Mom, and hopefully an excess of gifts. [to Willow] What are you doing for Christmas?
Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everyone worships Santa.
“Amends” · Season 3
In this episode: Buffy Summers (5), Angel (4), First Evil (3), Willow Rosenberg (2), Xander Harris (1), Oz (1), Joyce Summers (1)
I was a man once.
And what a man you were. A drunken, whoring layabout and a terrible disappointment to your parents.
I was young. I never had a chance to..
...To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster.
[Buffy is standing by the Christmas tree, helping her mother to decorate it.]
So, Angel's on top again?
What?
[holding up Christmas decorations] Angel? Or star?
Oh. Er, star.
I'm not a demon, little girl, I am something you cannot even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin. Beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being. Every thought. Every drop of hate.
All right, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?
Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas will be his wake.
No.
You have no idea what you're dealing with.
Let me guess. Is it... evil?
[transforms into a fearsome demonic form, then vanishes] DEAD BY SUNRISE!
I can't do it again Buffy. I can't become a killer.
Then fight it.
It's too hard.
Angel please, you have to get inside!
It told me to kill you. You were in the dream, you know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again.
I know what it told you, what does it matter?
[yelling] Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you. And I know it will cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. I'm weak. It's not the demon that needs killing in me, Buffy. It's the man. Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!
What about me? I love you so much, and I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help. And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard... and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. [whispers] I can't.
Buffy, please. Just this once, let me be strong.
Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because ... [Snow falls, blocking the sunlight.]
[The First Evil torments Angel, taking on the forms of people he killed as Angelus]
[as Travis, a man that Angelus killed along with his sons] The thing I remember most was thinking how artful it was. In the dark, they looked just like they were sleeping. It wasn't until I bent down and kissed them good night that I felt how cold they were. You grabbed me, and I thought: who would go to so much trouble to arrange them like that? [turns into Margaret, a servant girl] But you see, that's what makes you different than other beasts. They kill to feed, but you took more kinds of pleasure in it than any creature that walks or crawls.
Oh, God...!
[mimicking him when he killed Margaret] Yeah, cry out. Make a scene.
[Angel tries to escape, but runs into the First in the form of Daniel, an Irish man he killed]
I was to be married that week. But then, as I recall, you knew that.
It wasn't me!
[turns into Jenny Calendar] It wasn't you?
A demon isn't a man. I was a man once--
Oh, yes. And what a man you were. [turns into Margaret] A drunken, whoring layabout, and a terrible disappointment to your parents.
I was young. I never had a chance to--
To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster.
You ever have that dream where you're in a play and it's the middle of the play and you really don't know your lines? And you kinda don't know the plot?
Well, we're alone, and, we're together. I-I just wanted it to be special.
How special we talkin'?
Well, y'know, we're alone ... and ... we're both ... mature younger people, and-and so ... w-we could ... I-I'm ready to ... w-with you ... [whispers] we could do that thing.
[stands up] Ahh ...
Where are you going?
No, not going, just uh ... dramatic gesture. That's-that's pretty special.
[also stands up] Oz, I-I wanna be with you. First.
I think we should sit down again.
[They sit.]
Oz? I-I'm ready.
Okay, well, don't take this the wrong way, but ... I'm not.
Are you scared? 'Cause I thought you had-
No, I-I have. But, this is different. I mean, you look great, y'know, and you got the Barry workin' for ya, and-and it's all ... good. But when it happens I want it to be because we both need it to, for the same reason. You don't have to prove anything to me.
I just wanted you to know.
I know. I get the message.
[They kiss]
Angel?
I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying in their beds. Sneaking downstairs. Waiting for day.
Angel, please. I need you to get inside. There's only a few minutes left.
I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes.
I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you--
It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me.
Showing you?
What I am.
Were.
And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do.
You don't know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?
I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer.
Then fight it.
It's too hard. Mm-mmm.
Angel, please, you have to get inside.
It told me to kill you. You were in the dream, you know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again.
I know what it told you, what does it matter?
[yelling] Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly. I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man.
You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means you can hurt it. Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster. [Angel does not respond] Angel, please, the sun is coming up.
Just go.
I won't.
Do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done. Now go.
You are not staying here. I won't let you!
I said leave! Oh, my God.
No! No!
[they struggle] Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone.
What about me? I love you so much. And I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help. And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard. And that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God. I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. [whispers] I can't.
Buffy, please. Just this once. Let me be strong.
Strong is fighting. It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because--
[Snow falls, blocking the sunlight.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.