Willow Rosenberg quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Giles

I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.

Willow

You'd be cranky?

Giles

Entirely.

Willow

Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."

Buffy

Fine, okay, I can take my lumps. For awhile.

Willow

All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time. (pause) Runaway.

Buffy

Will!

Willow

I'm sorry ... quitter.

Buffy

Whiner.

Willow

Bailer.

Buffy

Harpy.

Willow

Delinquent.

Buffy

Tramp.

Willow

Bad seed.

Buffy

Witch.

Willow

Freak.

Willow

I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch. That takes years. I just did a couple of Pagan blessings and, uh, teeny glamour to hide a zit.

Buffy

It doesn't scare you?

Willow

It has. I tried to communicate with the spirit world, and I so wasn't ready for that. It's like being pulled apart inside. Plus I blew the power for our whole block. Big scare.

Buffy

I wish I could've been there with you.

Willow

Me, too. I really freaked out.

Buffy

I am sorry.

Willow

It's okay. I understand you having to bail, and I can forgive that. I have to make allowances for what you're going through and be a grown-up about it.

Buffy

You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?

Willow

It's like a drug.

Buffy

Fine. Okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps... For a while.

Willow

All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time... Runaway.

Buffy

Will!

Willow

I'm sorry... quitter.

Buffy

Whiner.

Willow

Bailer.

Buffy

Harpy.

Willow

Delinquent.

Buffy

Tramp.

Willow

Bad seed.

Buffy

Witch.

Willow

Freak.

Willow

I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. [Buffy glares at her] Oh, I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... [looks at Oz] you're supposed to stop me when I do that.

Oz

I like when you do that.

Buffy

I just wanna get my life back, you know, do normal stuff.

Willow

Like date?

Buffy

Well...

Xander

Oh, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut.

Xander

[still kind of chuckling] Ow.

Buffy

All right, yes, date and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff.

Buffy

We have a marching jazz band?

Oz

Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... Scary.

Willow

He's just being Oz.

Oz

Pretty much full-time.

Buffy

Couldn't sleep, huh?

Willow

I've been at Mister Donut since the TV did that snowy thing. How come you're the Wakey Girl? I mean, this time, it's not your boyfriend who's the cold-blooded... [sees Oz] Jelly doughnut?

Willow

It's all over school. What happened with Debbie and Pete. Except for the "Pete was a monster" part.

Oz

Yeah, a freshman told me that Pete had eight iced cafe mochas and just lost it.

Buffy

That's better than the estrogen theory. I heard he took all of his mother's birth-control pills.

Cordelia

He didn't? Pete was a monster? Where have I been?

Xander

In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you.

Cordelia

So what's the true story? What happened?

Willow

Well, we got a hold of Pete's lab books and stuff, and Mr. Science was doing a Jekyll/Hyde deal. He was afraid Debbie was gonna leave him, so he mixed this potion to become super mas macho.

Buffy

The only thing was, after a while, he didn't need the potion to turn into a bad guy. He did it just fine on his own.

Cordelia

So it was like a real killing. He wasn't under the influence of anything?

Buffy

Just himself. Uh... I'll see you guys later.

Cordelia

Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

Buffy

Hey.

Willow

Hi! How are you? You good? You look good. Anything new? Hey, did I mention you look good?

Buffy

Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you.

Willow

No, I'm not a friend, I'm a rabid dog who should be shot! But there're forces at work here! Dark, incomprehensible forces.

Buffy

And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or... the number of times that I've saved your life.

Willow

What do you want?

Buffy

Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database.

Willow

'kay.

Buffy

Something's definitely changing them.

Willow

A spell?

Oz

They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?

Principal Snyder

[to Oz] You've got great hair.

Cordelia

Why are you guys so hyper?

Willow

Hey, speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?

Xander

Let's see. Killing zombies, torching sewer monsters, and, no, that's pretty much the same old Buffster.

Buffy

Lagos is out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy. What's with all the tragedy masks?

Giles

Better take a seat, Buffy.

Buffy

What's going on?

Giles

We know Angel is alive. Xander saw you with him. It would appear that you've been hiding him and that you lied to us.

Willow

Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy. But this is serious. You need help.

Buffy

It's not what you think.

Xander

Hope not, because I think you're harboring a vicious killer.

Willow

This isn't about attacking Buffy. Remember, "I" statements only. "I feel angry." "I feel worried."

Cordelia

Fine. Here's one. I feel worried. About me! Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy. He was way more interested in killing her friends.

Buffy

But he's better now.

Xander

Better for how long, Buffy? I mean, did you even think about that?

Buffy

What is this, demons anonymous? I don't need an intervention here.

Giles

Oh, don't you? You must've known it was wrong seeing Angel, or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us.

Buffy

I was going to tell you, I was. It was just that I... I didn't know why he came back. I-I just wanted to wait.

Xander

For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?

Buffy

I'm not going to... We're not together like that.

Oz

But you were kissing him.

Buffy

You were spying on me? What gives you the right?

Cordelia

What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?

Buffy

It was an accident.

Xander

What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?

Buffy

It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would never put you in any danger. If I thought for second that Angel was gonna hurt anyone...

Xander

You would stop him. Like you did last time with Ms. Calendar.

Willow

Buffy, I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight. And that's why we're-we're all going to help you face this.

Buffy

But he's better now, I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one that found the Glove of Myhnegon. He's keeping it safe for us in the mansion.

Xander

[about Angel] Right! Great plan. Leave tons of firepower with the scary guy, and leave us to clean up the mess.

Buffy

[stops Xander from leaving] You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?

Xander

I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason.

Buffy

Right. This is all nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy.

Cordelia

Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?

Buffy

Don't you start with me.

Willow

Giles, no one's doing the "I" statements.

Giles

That's enough! Everybody. Now Buffy knows our concerns, and her actions, however ill-advised, can be understood. Our... priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon and try to destroy it. Now, all of you, back to your classes.

Buffy

Thanks for the bail in there. I know this is a lot to absorb, but Angel did find the glove, and that was a good--

Giles

Be quiet. I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform.

Cordelia

So there's no more glove thing-y?

Xander

No. Little living flame, little mesquite, gone for good.

Oz

Sounds like we missed a lot of fun.

Xander

Then we're telling it wrong.

Willow

What do you think Buffy and Angel are gonna do?

Xander

Boy, do I don't know.

Willow

Well, he saved me from a horrible flamey death. That sort of makes me like him again.

Xander

Well, as long as she and Angel don't get pelvic, we'll be okay, I guess.

Buffy

What are you guys talking about?

Oz

Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again.

Buffy

He's not my boyfriend. Really, truly, he's... I don't know. Are we cool?

Xander

Yeah. Just seeing the two of you kissing after everything that happened, I leaned toward the postal. But I trust you.

Cordelia

I don't, just for the record.

Giles

[clears throat]

Buffy

Let me guess. Gwendolyn Post, not a Watcher?

Giles

Yes, she was. She was, uh, kicked out by the Council a couple of years ago for misuses of Dark Power. They swear there was a memo.

Buffy

Well, I better go. Little more damage control.

Willow

[sighs] The whole Angel thing is so weird.

Giles

Yes, well, we'll have to see how that unfolds, won't we?

Willow

I'm pathetic, illiterate. I'm Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.

Xander

That's right, and the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined score in no way compromises your position as the village idiot.

Spike

She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a Chaos demon! Have you ever seen a Chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting... She only did it to hurt me. So I said, "I'm not putting up with this anymore." And she said, "Fine!" And I said, "Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!" And then she said... she said we could still be friends. [leans over and sobs on Willow's shoulder.] God, I'm so unhappy!

Willow

[tentatively pats his knee.] There, there.