Willow Rosenberg quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow

This is a nightmare. This is... my world is spinning.

Xander

It's not that bad, Willow, really.

Willow

740? Verbal? I'm-I'm pathetic! Illiterate! I'm Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.

Xander

That's right. And the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined scores in no way compromises your position as the village idiot.

Willow

I just... where did I go wrong?

Xander

You did amazing, Willow. As usual.

Cordelia

You guys get you scores?

Xander

Cordelia! Willow is very sad about her academic failure. How did you do? This is not good.

Cordelia

What's not good?

Xander

Well, I'm just worried it may hurt my standing as campus stud when people find out I'm dating a brain.

Cordelia

Please. I have some experience in covering these things up.

Oz

Well, I can see why you'd be upset. That was my sarcastic voice.

Xander

You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.

Oz

I've been told that. But we should celebrate, do something.

Cordelia

Like, the four of us?

Xander

A double date! It could have potential.

Willow

Buffy! Hey, did you get your S.A.T. Scores?

Xander

By the look on your face, I'm guessing you and I are going to be manning the drive-through window side by side.

Buffy

They're just test scores, right? What do they really mean, anyway?

Willow

1430! Buffy, you kicked ass! Okay, so academic achievement gets me a little excited.

Xander

Buff, that's amazing.

Cordelia

Let me see that.

Oz

Yeah. With scores like that, you can apply pretty much anywhere you want.

Willow

Buffy, this could, like, change your whole future.

Buffy

The though had occurred to me.

Xander

Then why the sour puss?

Buffy

I don't know. I guess... my future. I never really thought about it. I wasn't even sure I was going to have one.

Cordelia

Well, I think this is great. Now you can leave and never come back! Well, I mean that in a possible way. Get out of Sunnydale. That's a good thing. What kind of moron would ever want to come back here?

Buffy

No luck reaching Cordelia?

Xander

I've left a few messages. Sixty, seventy... but you know what really bugs me? [to Willow] OK, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.

Willow

Darn tootin'!

Xander

And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault.

Buffy

Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.

Xander

Mine is much more advanced.

Buffy

[choking and grunting] Nnrrf! Nnrrf!

Willow

Oh, God. Demon, demon. What kills a demon?!

Buffy

[choking and grunting] Nnrrf! Nnrrf!

Willow

Oh, nerf. Not nerf. Knife!

Buffy

Okay. That was too close for comfort. Not that slaying's ever comfy, but, you know what I mean? [sighs] If you guys hadn't been here to help...

Willow

But we were. And we did. And-and we're all fine. [sighs] Isn't he gonna go poof?

Buffy

Um, I guess these guys don't. We'll have to bury him or something. [groans] Makes you appreciate vamps though. No fuss, no muss.

Xander

So how come Faith was a no-show? I thought mucus-y demons were her favorites.

Buffy

Couldn't reach her. Again. She hasn't been hanging out much.

Xander

I detect worry.

Buffy

A little bit. Slaying's a rough gig. Too much alone time isn't healthy. Stuff gets pent up.

Willow

We should try to do more socializing with her.

Xander

Well, burial detail aside, does this cap us off for the day?

Buffy

You got plans?

Xander

I cannot stress enough how much I don't have plans.

Buffy

No luck reaching Cordelia?

Xander

I've left a few messages. 60. 70. But you know what really bugs me? [to Willow] Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.

Willow

Darn tootin'!

Xander

And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault.

Buffy

Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.

Xander

Mine is much more advanced.

Willow

At least tomorrow's Monday, another school day.

Buffy

Well. that's good. You know, focus on school. That's the strong Willow way to heal.

Willow

Actually, I was more thinking Oz will be there, and I can beg for forgiveness.

Buffy

That works, too.

Willow

I-I wanna be strong Willow. But then I think I may never get to be close to Oz again, and it's like all the air just goes out of the room.

Buffy

I know the feeling.

Xander

Right. I mean, you went through it with Angel, and you're still standing. So tell us, wise one, how do you deal?

Buffy

I have you guys.

Xander

So, you doing anything special?

Buffy

Tree, nog, roast beast. Just me and Mom, and hopefully an excess of gifts. [to Willow] What are you doing for Christmas?

Willow

Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everyone worships Santa.

Oz

You ever have that dream where you're in a play and it's the middle of the play and you really don't know your lines? And you kinda don't know the plot?

Willow

Well, we're alone, and, we're together. I-I just wanted it to be special.

Oz

How special we talkin'?

Willow

Well, y'know, we're alone ... and ... we're both ... mature younger people, and-and so ... w-we could ... I-I'm ready to ... w-with you ... [whispers] we could do that thing.

Oz

[stands up] Ahh ...

Willow

Where are you going?

Oz

No, not going, just uh ... dramatic gesture. That's-that's pretty special.

Willow

[also stands up] Oz, I-I wanna be with you. First.

Oz

I think we should sit down again.

Willow

Oz? I-I'm ready.

Oz

Okay, well, don't take this the wrong way, but ... I'm not.

Willow

Are you scared? 'Cause I thought you had-

Oz

No, I-I have. But, this is different. I mean, you look great, y'know, and you got the Barry workin' for ya, and-and it's all ... good. But when it happens I want it to be because we both need it to, for the same reason. You don't have to prove anything to me.

Willow

I just wanted you to know.

Oz

I know. I get the message.

Amy

Oh my God!

Oz

Kids?

Xander

Why was your mom there?

Buffy

More bad, she picked last night, of all nights, for a surprise bonding visit.

Willow

God, your mom would actually take the time to do that with you? [Buffy looks at her] That really wasn't the point of the story, was it?

You're upset, I hear you ...

Willow

No, Ma, hear this! I'm a rebel! I'm having a rebellion!

Oh, Willow, honey, you don't need to act out like this to prove your specialness!

Willow

Mom, I'm not acting out, I'm a witch! I can make pencils float! And I can summon the four elements! Okay, two, but four soon. And I'm dating a musician!

Oh, Willow.

Willow

I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings! Do you see any goats around? No! 'Cause I sacrificed them!

Willow, please...

Willow

All bow before Satan!

I'm not listening to this.

Willow

Prince of Night, I summon you! Come fill me with your black, naughty evil!

Buffy

Your mom doesn't mind us doing this in the house?

Willow

She doesn't know.

Buffy

Business as usual?

Willow

Yeah, sort of. She's doing that selective memory thing your mom used to be so good at.

Buffy

She forgot everything?

Willow

No. She remembered the part where I said I was dating a musician. Oz has to come for dinner next week. So, that's sort of like taking an interest.

Buffy

Okay, should we try this again?

Willow

Let's do it. I think we got the mix of herbs right this time.

Buffy

Okay. Ready?

Willow

Diana, Hecate, I hereby license thee to depart. Goddess of creatures great and small, I conjure thee to withdraw.

Buffy

Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies.

Buffy

Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?

Willow

Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once ... I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.

Xander

She was fighting those apocalypse demon things and I helped out... gave her a ride home.

Buffy

And you guys talked?

Xander

Not extensively, no.

Buffy

Then why would you... oh!

Giles

Oh!

Willow

I don't need to say "oh", I got it before. They slept together.

Xander

You know how some people hate to say I told you so? Not me. I told you so. Angel's back in the really bad sense, and um, I told you so.

Wesley

Angelus has turned? Xander, this is terribly serious. Are you sure?

Xander

Gee, let me think. Kind of hard to tell. Last thing I remember was his fist.

Wesley

We must contact Giles immediately.

Xander

Good thinking. Let's waste time with a lively debate. Leave Buffy alone, and see how dead she gets.

Cordelia

Slow down, Xander. This isn't Wesley's fault.

Xander

Actually, it is. Faith was your responsibility. Guess who's Angel's new playmate?

Willow

Faith and Angel? Together?

Xander

Imagine the possibilities.

Buffy

Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big-time danger.

Willow

Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.

Xander

But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.

Faith

Give me the speech again, please. "Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."

Willow

It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you! You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big, selfish, worthless waste.

Faith

You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient.

Willow

[stands up] Aw, and here I just thought you didn't have a comeback.

Buffy

I can't let you stay because of me.

Willow

Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith, things just kinda got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I-I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.

Buffy

I kind of love you.

Willow

And, besides, I have a shot at being a bad-ass Wicca, and what better place to learn?

Buffy

I feel the need for more sugar than the human body can handle.

Willow

Mochas?

Buffy

Yes please! [the two get up and walk away] It's weird. You look at something and you think you know exactly what you're seeing, and then you find out it's something else entirely.

Willow

Neat, huh?

Buffy

Sometimes it is.

Willow

I'm going to miss her.

Buffy

Don't you hate her?

Willow

Yes, with a fiery vengeance. She picked on me for ten years. Vacuous tramp... It's like a sickness, Buffy. I'm missing everything. I miss P.E.!