MManager
Beavis! Butt-head! Open this door right now!
We're taking a dump, sir. I'm sorry. You're gonna have to wait your turn.
Yeah. We need some privacy. We're going to the bathroom, buttmunch.
MManager
[opens door and realizes that the boys made a mess and drags them out] What are you two doing?
Uh, we had to use the bathroom sir.
MManager
They said you've been in there for a half hour!
Well, I think the food here gave us diarrhea, sir. [some customers are grossed out] It always does.
MManager
Look, I don't care how bad you have to go to the bathroom, you get back to work right now, or you're fired!
LLawyer
Wait just a minute. I'm a lawyer for the Labor Safety Organization.
LLawyer
These workers have a right to take as long of a bathroom break as they need.
LLawyer
Yeah, it's the law.
MManager
Oh, I- uh... Well I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of that, then.
AWAngry Woman
Can we get our order now?!
AMAngry Man
We've been waiting for a long time here!
AWAngry Woman
Ugh, come on already!
MManager
Yes, yes, of course. I'm so sorry everybody. Okay, Beavis, take the register, Butt-head, you get in the kitchen.
Uh, no. We're on our bathroom break.
[the manager runs outside to urinate]
PPolice Officer
Excuse me, sir. How we doing today?
MManager
Please go back inside. I'll be there in just a minute.
PPolice Officer
Okay, sir, why don't you go ahead and put it away, zip it up, and put your hands against the wall.
MManager
No, I... I'm the manager here, Okay? We've had a problem...
PPolice Officer
Sir, hands against the wall, feet apart, now! You cannot do that here. That's public urination.
MManager
Look, if you would just go... God!
PPolice Officer
And that's indecent exposure. We got a 311 at Burger World. We're gonna need backup.
[the boys are at Burger World with the rat]
[setting the rat near the ingredients] There you go. That's a good boy. Make yourself at home.
[a lady comes in and orders]
LLady
Uh yeah, I would like a double cheeseburger and large fries, please.
[at the fry station] Alright boy, come on, step aside. [gets fries] Good boy, all yours.
LLady
Is it going to be long?
[Beavis gives the lady her order]
Ah, here you go. [the rat appears] Aww... It looks like we have some company.
Yeah. He really likes fries.
And he seems to like the buns, too.
LLady
I'm gonna report this. This is a health violation.
Yeah, the food here sucks.
MManager
[comes in] What the hell is going on? I just got a call saying that there was a rat in here.
Yeah, check it out. It pooped everywhere.
MManager
Oh, God. I'll have to call the exterminator.
We had to throw out all of those traps you had, you know. He almost died.
MManager
Ok, where's the rat now?
Well, I had him right here on the counter a minute ago, I don't know.
MManager
It's not funny guys, okay? This is very serious and now we're gonna have to throw away all of the food. [leaves]
[the boys try to look for the rat]
Rat? Whoa! Well, I guess it's like, not like a dude after all.
[the rat has given birth to rat pups]
Class, this weekend, I'm organizing a trip down to the Gulf of Mexico. As you are all well aware, this oil spill is a crisis of unprecedented proportion. It's done great damage to the wetlands. [Beavis and Butt-head snicker in the back of the class] Giant tar balls are washing up all along the coast. And then there's the birds. It's too late for a lot of the older birds, but we can still rescue the chicks.
Yes, Butt-head, so many of these poor chicks are dirty. They're just filthy.
Yes, and we need people to go down there and wash them. Are there any volunteers?
Yeah, this weekend's good for me.
Well great! Thank you, Beavis and Butt-head.
NANews Anchor
The oil spill in the Gulf isn't just hurting people, it's hurting plants and animals, which are two other kinds of life. But it's not all bad news, which brings us to this week's local hero, Maya Kanigher. She's leading the efforts to clean the many baby birds damaged by this spill.
MMaya
When I saw what was happening to the birds here...
MMaya
I knew I had to act to save the chicks!
NANews Anchor
Mmm... mmmm- wait, to save the uh...?
NANews Anchor
Oh- oh right. Maya has organized an assembly line of young idealists who gather the birds, clean them, and dry them. These young volunteers are certainly doing their part.
So this is like, um, this is like, oil.
Yeah. And we're covered in it, and we're gonna do it!
NANews Anchor
That is an inspiring sentiment. We are all going to do it. We are all going to do it.
NANews Anchor
Back to you, Geena.
OOfficer
[knocking frantically on the door] Everyone out! This is an emergency evacuation!
Dammit, what's going on out there?
Yeah. We're trying to watch TV!
Yeah, really. It's probably that census dude again.
Oh, yeah yeah. He's a real butthole.
He said "head of household."
[as the two eat a bunch of food at Maxi Mart]
Doesn't get any better than this, Beavis.
Yep, the end of the world kicks ass. [seeing an open register full of money] Hey, Butt-head, check it out! We're rich!
We don't need money, dumbass. Everything is free from now on.
We can just like, take whatever we want.
This is gonna be cool! You know what I'm gonna do, Butt-head? I'm gonna use every toilet in town.
I may not even flush! Cuz I don't have to. I don't have to do anything.
Yeah, me too. So what do we do now? Like, go home?
No, butt-monkey. The world is ours, remember? We can live anywhere we want to.
Let's go live at Stewart's house.
Yeah yeah! You know I've always wanted to live there.
This is cool. Too bad all the chicks are dead.
Yeah, but like, if we're gonna live here, we can't have Stewart's stupid crap around.
Yeah, really. We need to make it cool.
[the boys start throwing various items out and through the windows]
Yeah. We won't be needing this. Or this. What kind of person buys one of these?
[picks up an urn] Yeah this vase sucks too. It's got a bunch of crap inside it.
Uh, whoa! I think this is Stewart's grandma's ashes!
You mean she put her cigarettes out in a vase? [drops the urn, and it spills] That's disgusting! No reason for that.
Dammit, Beavis, you're making a mess. And you're getting on my nerves. Why don't you like live somewhere else?
Okay, I'll go live at Andersons! Or maybe Todd's! I bet that house is cooler than this house!
[seeing a woman in a hazmat suit]
WWoman
You two shouldn't be here! Both of you, come with me!
Okay. I see your spacesuit saved you from the cocablypse. So like, do you wanna like, recopulate the Earth?
Yeah, we're the last two dudes left.
Hold on a sec' boys. Let me ask you a question. Do you really believe in evolution? Can you honestly say you understand it?
I-I never could understand that crap.
MSMax's Son
It's so complicated, no one can. My dad says the reason no one understands it is because it isn't true. He says learning it in biology class isn't worth going to hell for. [fist bumps his dad]
Bottom line is, Positive Acting Teens don't believe in evolution, and don't think they should have to learn it. Right guys?
PAPositive Acting Teens
Yaaay!
Uh, so like, if something's too complicated to understand, we shouldn't have to learn it?
PAPositive Acting Teen
That's right.
Yeah, really! I don't understand half the crap they talk about in there! Way too complicated.
Yeah. Maybe these people are cool.
The Pythagorean Theorem can best be expressed with this equation: A squared, plus B squared, equals C squared.
Uh, We shouldn't have to learn this.
'Cause my uncle's not a monkey!
This is geometry, not evolution. M'kay?
But it shall go unanswered as you roam the fiery pit of damnation! [they get up to leave]
BTBiology Teacher
So, thanks to Beavis and Butt-head, you don't have to learn about evolution today if you don't want to.
[the class cheers]
BTBiology Teacher
Looks like no one wants to, very well. Then today, you have to study this. [pulls out a large textbook about Intelligent Design] I only have one copy, so please take detailed notes. The theory of Intelligent Design holds that certain features of the universe...
I knew that Max guy wasn't cool. Let's get out of here, Beavis. We're going to hell.
Yeah, maybe it won't be so bad. The charred walls of the damned...
