Coach Buzzcut quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-Head

Uhhh... uhhh...

Buzzcut

Get out there before I drag you out!

McVicker

Uhhh... Good job!

Buzzcut

Too bad! Another minute and they might have been naked! [starts to laugh too. McVicker laughs as well]

McVicker

Yeah. Look at them.

Butt-head

He wants what's in your pocket.

Beavis

He's a pocket fisherman.

Oh no, you're not gonna pull that on me again! It took me six months to get another job. [Grabs Beavis] Now give me the rest of the money, you little twerp!

Beavis

Ahhh! He's trying to touch my wiener! Let go, pervert!

Butt-head

Kick him in the nads, Beavis!

Buzzcut

What in the hell are you doing?! This is my class, I do the ass-kicking around here!

Wait your turn, Jarhead! [slaps him, Buzzcut's face turns red, and becomes furious]

Buzzcut

You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass! I hope you're familiar with some hand to hand combat techniques!

Oh, you're going down, soldier boy! [tries to hit him, but Buzzcut brutally kicks him in the head]

Beavis

Kick 'em, kick 'em!

Butt-head

Kick 'em in the butt.

Beavis

Kick 'em in the nads!

Butt-head

  Welcome to the future.  Here is your free porn.

Beavis

Yeah. Porn is good for you. Did you know that?

Principal McVicker

Uh... Now as you boys know, we have strict rules, about accessing computer pornography from the library. So before, I sentence you to an extremely harsh punishment, I want to know how you little punks did it! Uh... Come on. You idiots can save yourself a lot of trouble if you just tell me who helped you log on!

Butt-Head

I did that myself. But Stewart got us the porn.

What?

Beavis

He's pretty good.

But... but... but I...

Principal McVicker

Oh, that's it! You're all getting detention for the rest of the year! And you've lost all your computer privileges!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah we need more porn, come on Stewart.

Buzzcut

Shut the hell up!

Buzzcut

Beavis!

Beavis

AAAAH! [Scared]

Buzzcut

DAMMIT YOU WILL LISTEN WHEN I'M TALKIN'!!!

Beavis

No way! I'm sick of school and I'm sick of you!

Buzzcut

WHAT?!?! YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! I'LL SEE YOU IN DETENTION!!!

Beavis

OK, cool.

Beavis

Whoa! A dead body! Check it out!

Coach Buzzcut

Give the man some air! He's not dead yet!

Coach Buzzcut

You will climb the rope, touch the ceiling, and descend, all within 30 seconds. Are there any questions?

Butt-head

Uh, I have a question. What happens if Beavis starts crying?

Beavis

AAH! I WAS NOT CRYING! I WAS NOT CRYING! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

Coach Buzzcut

Now, to start a wrestling match, one wrestler gets down on all fours, and the other wrestler mounts him from behind like so!

Butt-head

Whoa! You're definitely going to hell.

Beavis

Yeah! I don't understand that at all. I mean, if it's okay for you guys...

Butt-head

To each his own.

Coach Buzzcut

Due to a new school board edict, we will not be running ball-handling drills today. We will be building empathy. Do you know what empathy is, Butt-head?

Butt-head

Uh, is that, like, something to do with ball-handling?

Coach Buzzcut

SHUT UP! Empathy. Empathy is when you feel what someone else is feeling. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

Butt-head

Uh, feel someone else?

Coach Buzzcut

SHUT UP! Now, you will take these self-esteem worksheets, and you will make copies.

Butt-head

Uh, you mean, like, with the copy machine?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Cool!

Coach Buzzcut

Yes, but let me be clear. You will only copy the worksheet. You will not copy your butts again. Do you understand, Beavis?!

Beavis

So, do not copy my butt?

Coach Buzzcut

SAY IT AGAIN.

Beavis

Do not copy my butt!